Adult son wants to move back mon - fri to ‘get a night’s sleep’

[HippPippy]

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

OP your posts read to me like you are trying to excuse him.

if you want to help, suggest you sit down with DS & his GF together and ask how best you can do this.
But your little boy needs to grow up,

Given the fact that Most of us have told OP to tell her son to grow the fuck up, and her responses all seem to be attempts at defending him, it’s clear she was fully expecting us all to be in support of her child.

No op, your son is being both pathetic and selfish. He was man enough to impregnate his girlfriend and now he needs to be man enough to be a dad.
I take it you’ve told him he’s not the first working dad to have ever existed??

If you let your son stay at yours, not only will you be wrecking your future relationship with your DIL, but also with your grandchild-because she’s not going to want some mollycoddler turning her child into an incapable dependant.
Which is exactly what your son is

Now get off the internet, stop asking strangers for advice and be a parent to your son!

I knew a woman who used to to take her baby over to her in laws every day so she could sleep during the day and then her partner would collect the baby on his way home from work so they could care for it.

It’s time for him to out his big boy pants on. I don’t care what he does in the evenings - his partner is doing everything else the rest of the time.
be sounds very immature.

I’m with @WhereYouLeftIt

don't get involved, if you do facilitate this move and the marriage goes tits up - then you've interfered

Your DH is right. It’s an outrageous idea. Your sons is a pretty poor excuse for a partner and father

He sounds utterly pathetic.

I'd take his claims of 'doing everything' with a pinch of salt. And even in the unlikely scenario of this being true, what kind of a shitty partner is he, to just leave his partner to manage alone all week? When does she get a break?

I might negotiate that he could have Sunday or Monday night so that he is refreshed for the week but that his girlfriend can come on Friday or Saturday night so that she gets 1 night of uninterrupted sleep each week too.

He wouldn't be permitted to spend any more time at you house other than the period of sleep and no meals would be provided. If he's awake and not at work he needs to be at his own house sharing the care of his own child.

I'd bloody well point out what a selfish wimp and lightweight parent he's being though for asking in the first place.

I’d say hell no.

but I’d also be asking some very tough questions.

how long does your son anticipate this could last for? My DC is a teen and still doesn’t sleep properly and I’m still woken in the night. DC has sen.

is he exaggerating all he does and the level of His child’s wakefulness? Some people are arseholes if they’re woken up only once and are totally unreasonable about it. If this is the case, he needs to grow the fuck up, get over himself because there’s 18years ahead of restless nights with constantly changing reasons why.

is the baby above normal with regards to the crying/neediness/colicky etc?if so then yes they need help and support not split up for most of the week, that’s not going to work.

if yes to a above normal needy baby, how does he expect his GF to function on the limited sleep as well? Is she functioning? I bet she’d be zombie like and agree to anything because she’s not got the mental capacity to deal with it.

could he hire in help for some of those chores like general cleaning?

is he just pissed he gets no free time now and it’s not about sleep but being able to not do much after work?

does he realise that him moving out part time is effectively splitting up his family and the important bonding for him with his Gf with the baby won’t happen?

does he understand that caring for a baby isn’t a transaction right? That he doesn’t get GOOD sleep and check out if 5/7 days of family life because he claims he does more than his fair share. Caring for children is a burden to mum and dad that you can’t check out of.

is he really doing this for sleep or could they be planing this for benefit fraud? Not an accusation, cost of living is immense everyone struggling, having a baby is expensive as hell will do what they can to survive and I know a minority of couples that do this via desperation. Is there ways you could help with budgeting and support, not giving money you don’t have?

Think you need to speak to the gf. If I was her and he was going to do overnight Friday, Saturday, Sunday I wouldn’t mind too much. I think he needs to be there after work see his family though

I agree with this

Like fuck does he do everything when he gets in from work. If he's the kind of man who'd even consider moving out Monday to Friday he's definitely the kind of man who thinks he's doing 'everything' because he's asked to put on a load of washing and change the baby.

I'd be devastated if my son said this to me.

I agree. He could carry on doing housekeeping duties etc. in the evening, so she can rest, then he sleeps through the night, she gets up. They could take turns, i.e. he could get up at night on weekends. Sleeping at mum and dad's isn't a solution here.

Omg absolutely not. Sounds like hes struggling with the family set up and needs a way out. His poor partner basically abandoned as a single mum. Shocking tbh. Sounds too young to have a baby.

Good chance to give him a good talking to about doing his part! Don’t let him become one of the losers we all moan about on here 😉

How long is he planning on doing this for because DD didn't sleep through until she was over 2 years old. It would take forever to get her to settle, then she would wake multiple times in the night, every night. Why did he agree to have a baby if he was going to opt out of parenting? Did he not think about this before?

My step dad's a lorry driver he didn't move out when each of my half siblings were born 🤣 ridiculous.

Good parenting of adult offspring: making sure they know you expect them to pull their weight

Poor parenting of adult offspring: enabling them to shirk and let others do the hard stuff

That would be a nope.

What a shit

I would love to hear the girlfriend's side of this. Maybe you should consider talking to her. Either way I wouldn't be letting him stay 5 nights a week. What a cop-out of a new dad ffs

Everyone struggles and I doubt he does everything. He just thinks he does. I can’t believe you are entertaining the idea of him abandoning his family. I would be horrified if my son suggested this,. He is behaving incredibly selfishly.

The odd night maybe, but Mon to Fri 😂😂😂

Yes it's tiring being a new parent but he's got to step up as a parent now, go to bed earlier, so you get your hours in if needed, nap at weekends or days off - don't just shirk responsibilities.
Yea perhaps his job is important, but I work with many doctors and surgeons who have to look after children, many have multiple kids, many have partners who are also doctors too - you find a way and get on with it

They need to work this out between them so that he gets enough sleep, since his job requires alertness. However, I would try to find some other way to provide support so that he's not unsafe at his work.