Adult son wants to move back mon - fri to ‘get a night’s sleep’

[HippPippy]

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

Yeh it's hard being a parent, extremely hard. Your son contributed in creating your grandchild. He made his bed now he needs to lay in it. There's no harder job than being a parent, and if your your son stays with you, then the poor mother of this baby is suffering and your grandchild won't get everything he needs. Your son is looking for an easy way out and won't accept his responsibilities. If you let him stay, he will never learn. Take it from a single mum with experience. They'll be no going my back and if you don't let him own up, they'll be another single mum that you'll have another grandchild to as a single mum. How many single mums do you want your grandchildren to have. Careers/jobs is an easy excuse to own up to one's responsibilities. Let him take responsibility, he created this beautiful life, why should his mum do all the hard work, it's a full time job for her, why should she have to do it day and night while your son works 9-5 then goes out for a drink or comes home to a cooked meal then goes to bed. Life's hard as a parent, I'm sure you know ❤️

If the baby is a terrible sleeper, then How about saying he can stay one night a week, say Weds, ie half way through the working week; and then his partner can stay Saturday night and he can do the night shift?

My husband insisted he got up to do a feed and change for our babies during the night and then get up at 7am for work.
Having a baby is knackering. I’d imagine his poor GF is exhausted too having baby all day.
Your DS sounds like he’s being a bit selfish tbh.

Depends whether his wife is onboard with the idea. If she is happy for him to get some sleep then why not. Being woken up when you need to sleep for work is not healthy for him

Aww. I mean at first assumptions many would think you are not unreasonable. But I wonder if he is genuinely really struggling..and not just in the way that all new parents struggle..I myself have sleep issues which have affected work in the past, so I am a little more sympathetic. Perhaps you could help him out just for a month or two? If his job is at risk.

Perhaps he should stay in another room in the house with his gf? That way he is still there but he is a little less disturbed during the night?

I do have sympathy for your son and his request; I have a 7 week old and I am breastfeeding so not possible for the husband to do the night care. I prefer that he gets a good nights sleep so I don’t feel so guilty in the day that he maybe does more of the childcare in the evening. Plus he is working and supporting us single handedly from a financial point of view. Having said that, I’d be upset if he went home to sleep and left me on my own in the house. that’s why my husband sleeps in a different room in the house, so he is there if I need him and I don’t feel quite so alone in the early hours!

He can't fuck off 5 days a week. When does the woman get a break? Staying at home with a newborn is hard. Way harder than going to work. Id rather the latter.

What is his job that is harder than looking after a newborn?

So she does five straight days and five straight nights with no break?!!'

He gets to go off to work and stay out all night too being looked after by mummy and daddy?

Bloody manchild

Utter c**tish behaviour

And you're enabling it

Well there you go then, I understand. If the gf is happy with that then of course?

If this is a problem to you, you should probably be supporting something like paternity leave. Raising a family takes two, be it attending to the baby when it cries or making it to work, people saying he is leaving it all to her are wrong, he is helping with a huge share called work and bringing home the money.

That said, I think he should still do his best to stay and help even with sleep deprivation, it's hell, but it has to be done if possible, but so is going to work to support them. Likewise, his girlfriend should think about his own health and look for ways to support him and facilitate him being able to go to work.

What on earth?

Had he said 'Can I come sleep on Thursday night to catch up on sleep? then she's going to stay at her parents on Friday night while I have the baby for her to catch up on sleep' I'd say he was welcome - in this case - you are grown up enough to have your own place, your own job and your own CHILD - you are grown up enough to sort out your life with less sleep

Your son needs to sort this out with his GF sort out shifts with the baby if baby doesn't sleep well. I'm in agreement with your husband.
I also find it disconcerting slightly OP that your opinion is that your DS "does everything" for baby when he gets home....I mean what do you think his gf has done all day whilst he's at work? The concept that because he's at a job he should come home and not be doing the nappies and bottles and giving his gf a bit of a break seems a bit old fashioned to me!

Wow, we single mums had all that too.

Don't let him run back. He'll thank you eventually.

Perhaps you can suggest they both have one night a week to stay with you while the other looks after the baby - if his desperate for sleep imagine what it must be like for her x

sounds like not a stable relationship really what happened when they came round

This

His poor gf.

I can’t see if anyone else has said this yet. But as a wife to a man with 4 brothers, a close relationship with my mother in law and my own son I could take a big guess that isn’t his partners take on it.
He may feel he is doing “more than his fur share” but honestly, it’s doubtful. If you asked her what she’s doing whilst hes
doing these tasks it’s unlikely she’s doing nothing. Try and set your mind back to how much you were doing with a new born and how you had to be on 24/7.
In my experience sons tend to exaggerate their contributions to their mothers (my MIL is very wise to it). This may not be the case but I’d get his partners perspective or take what he said with a pinch of salt.

This!!

I haven’t read all 25 pages but get there are a lot of posters projecting their issues here.
No one knows what your son or his GF are actually going through or thinking of doing except them. Although you may have spoken by now so know more.

instead of making it about themselves why can’t posters just look at your post.

Your son wants to stay at home, it isn’t your job to sort his relationship- so why wouldn’t you say yes? You could also let his GF stay too when they feel she needs to.

Seems now all the snowflake mums want to stay at home with the baby but claim the dad’s who work must help because they can’t cope with staying home so dads have their share too.

sleep deprivation goes with new babies but sah patent should expect to have more than go to work parent.

i could set light to muse to save mums et doing it

but just help don’t try solve the relationship or this generation’s issues

Set light to myself I meant 🔥

Hope you can help them sort out some solutions. If the mum is struggling I don't think your ds being as yours every night is a good option.

Maybe he should stick some ear plugs in and at least if she really needs him one night and is struggling she can hand him over. Maybe she is struggling due to lack of sleep. It made me feel completely like I was losing the plot and although you say your ds is great when he gets back it doesn't sound like she gets much help at night.

My dh would stay up till about 11pm with our kids downstairs and id go to bed about half 8 or 9 and he would give the last feed. I breastfed so it was expressed milk in a bottle just incase she does. Then when they came up and I was woken for the first night feed id had a good 6 hours of solid sleep. Maybe a suggestion.

As someone who works in safety critical work and a DH who does the same, it's really tricky. We are fortunate to be able to juggle rooms so we can both sleep and when the DCs were younger, it was mostly DH who was on shifts.

But there were numerous times when he went to his mother's house or his brother's after a night shift, for instance when the DCs were toddlers and impossible to keep quiet.

Is this about him getting sleep that he needs, or is this about his relationship with his girlfriend breaking down?

I agree with this. I mentioned earlier my DB wanting to do something similar, I said no, he stayed at home, they worked it out.

Now his kids are 12&15, he's a brilliant dad. He and my SIL eventually split 10 years later but it was an amicable split and they share responsibility of their DCs. Had my DB left when the DCs were little I doubt very much he'd have a relationship with them now.

Fooker needs to use his balls and step up. That's it.

Oh bless! Imagine having to parent? Tell him to get a grip. He is probably embellishing his actual involvement to plead his case to have a child free week. Not a decent chap really is he?

Hmm yes and?

Thats not an argument. Thats being a parent and not a deadbeat useless twat.