Adult son wants to move back mon - fri to ‘get a night’s sleep’

[HippPippy]

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

tell him to grow up, man up and get on with being an adult , never heard anything like it in my life

No he’s 27.

It’s the girlfriend who’s 39.

Sounds like Ye Olde Baby Trap 😁

If this was your daughter and her bf had asked his parents this question, how would you feel about the matter?

As a Mum, he’s still your baby and you want to sympathise but this just isn’t normal. If he really is doing all these things when he gets home from work then clearly his gf is struggling and leaving her alone all night with the baby just sounds cruel.

I agree with the other posters, if he gets a night or two off then his gf should be handed the same respect of having nights off too.

This. Given his attitude I’d be offering her a night and he can look after the baby

This is in so many different ways one of the most sexist things I have ever heard in my life. It wasn’t the gf who had a baby, it was both of them. He can’t be a father (and partner!) when it’s convenient and have a break when it’s not. I wouldn’t take part in this. As a woman please support the mum, even if she says she ‘doesn’t mind’.

Is he not plannig on helping his girlfriend at all? I'm shocked he thinks he has the right to leave her alone...

He is not a good dad.
He is putting his needs above his family.
He sounds very entitled and I would be absolutely fuming if my child had ask to sleep at home because they couldn't be arsed to parent when they are tired

Actually paying attention to the info given, he works a job where others' safety is at stake. So something that requires fine concentration.

It also seems like he spends the day working and goes home and does all the work there too. So the ones going "B-but what about her rest?" need to stop and ask themselves, "When does he get to rest?"

The sensible answer is that your son and his partner need to sit down and divide tasks as equally as possible. They both work during the day, so it's only sensible that, in the evening, they share household tasks 50/50.

However, it's their problem to solve. He's a grown man and shouldn't seek to 'solve' the problem by running away from it. He ought to ask himself whether his future self will thank him for missing much of the baby years too.

He's not a youngster at 27 either.

By 25, the brain is fully matured. That, and having practically a decade's adulthood experience behind him, means he can't be excused for wanting to run away. He needs to tackle the issue.

Maybe one night a week to charge his batteries if job is so important /serious he needs sleep and dangerous if he doesn’t

did gf ever work ?

but yes talk to both to see how you can help

Incredible! I have never heard of such a thing. Your adult son needs to own up to his responsibilities and be the father he is supposed to be.

OP is clearly hasn’t liked the reality check about the man her son has turned out to be, and is clearly not coming back!

Or the talk they came over for hasn’t panned out either.

My money is on the girlfriend reading this thread and kicking off about the way OP has spoken about her.

No, no, no. Doesn't bode well for his child if its' dad is so selfish.

Could you offer just one night a week perhaps a Sunday ?

@Dontwanttoberudeorwastetime ahh I hadn’t realised they were going to have a talk. Hopefully they’ve sorted it all out then!

With the update , I would personally say The girlfriend wants to be a single payment.. She's 39 and wanted a baby

Parent payment

What exactly does he do though? You are being purposefully vague. Probably a baggage handler!

I’d definitely speak to his gf to make sure she’s happy with this. For all you know she’s desperate to not have to deal with dinner/washing clothes and just focus on tiny baby.. personally I love the tiny baby stage and really happy in a nocturnal bubble but everyone’s different.

Agree with he needs to man up, he can of course ask his gf to help if he really needs good sleep for his job. My OH had a very physical job and as he was providing for us and also as it risked his life not having enough sleep, I would always run out of the room with baby dd and shut the living room door. He never lost more than a night’s sleep and she is now 3. You shouldn’t let him do this. Poor gf.

When my first son was born, his dad worked all day then would spend all evening in bars “networking”. I got zero break and I resented him for being so selfish. Needless to say, we broke up.

I don't have kids @HippPippy so my opinion is not me being bitter either. I just know that if someone is away 5 nights out of 7, of course the other parent is going to be doing the lion's share of the knackering bit that's the hardest.

I've read every word the OP has posted and I am saying nothing that other people on the thread aren't saying, so you will need to explain to my why exactly my posts are the ones you are singling out as ridiculous if you want me to understand your comment

She doesn't say if gf is working at the moment although I assume that she is on maternity leave. I took ML and what we did is that during the week I got up and dealt with DS and hubby got up at the weekend. I read this out to hubby and his immediate reaction was for him to grow up and act his age. Hubby also asked how he would get any sympathy at work if he wasn't actually sleep deprived.....