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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult son wants to move back mon - fri to ‘get a night’s sleep’

762 replies

HippPippy · 05/08/2022 13:58

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

OP posts:
smilingontheinside · 06/08/2022 18:08

Wow what a tool!! I had to go back to work full time when my child was 3 months old with little /n help from oh but managed
It was hard and I was exhausted but we needed my income. If I was his gf and I knew he'd suggested this I'd be furious and rethinking my relationship.

Kirstk · 06/08/2022 18:09

I am a little confused... if he does everything when he gets home. Laundry dishes cooking, sorting baby out ect. What does his gf do during the day?

Peony26 · 06/08/2022 18:15

Sounds like he needs a swift kick up the backside and to grow up! No you don’t get to bow out to mommy and daddy’s for a good nights sleep! You have a baby! You take it in turns and you manage between you! Gosh there’s single working parents out there that do it all! Can’t believe he even asked tbh and there’s no way I’d be pampering my sons if tell them to step up

containsnuts · 06/08/2022 18:16

Could he speak to work and see if he can reduce his hours at least for a few weeks, or use holidays take unpaid leave? Could she express and let someone babysit a few hours in the evening so they can both have a nap?

Bangolads · 06/08/2022 18:18

@Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits your responses are genuinely ridiculous. It’s as if you’ve read nothing the OP has said.

user1493559472 · 06/08/2022 18:20

Your son needs a kick up the bum and told to get on with it.
He his the father of the baby and needs to help care for his child!!
Having no sleep is part of being a parent!

qtpa2t · 06/08/2022 18:21

LMAO as someone who just had a baby it makes me angry just reading this. my newborn is EBF so as far as night wakings are concerned there isn't much my fiancé can do but I would be furious if he just up and left hahahah

labazslovesliving · 06/08/2022 18:23

I would tell him to grow up and man up

SeasonFinale · 06/08/2022 18:23

HippPippy · 05/08/2022 14:04

Yeah I agree - he should be sharing the work load, but his argument is when he gets back from work he does ‘everything’ for the baby- feeding, bathing, cleaning all the bottles, laundry, cooking etc. it’s difficult because he’s really struggling and does seem to be doing more than his fair share when he can

Wow! Have you totally forgotten the early days with a baby? It would appear so. If he can't cope perhaps his mummy could go round and help out rather than let him come home.

Mumontour85 · 06/08/2022 18:23

Wow... you're really asking if this is ok?! How would you have felt if this was your husband abandoning you as a new mum?!

Tell your man child son to grow up. You want to be supportive?! Kick him into touch and tell him to grow up en route.

Don't be surprised when he crawls back to you when his wife sees what a pathetic idiot he is. He sounds like a massive douchebag.

Pupinski · 06/08/2022 18:24

So effectively he's wanting his girlfriend to be a single parent to his baby during the week? That's a No!

Baby's are hard work - that's part of the deal. They're also a big responsibility and he needs to stand up and be counted.

Remind him how much of the joy of watching his baby's development and bonding opportunities he'd be missing out on...

Mysteriousnotice · 06/08/2022 18:27

Stop enabling your D's to be a d*. This is completely outrageous.
The best thing you could do would be to tell him to get a grip and welcome him to the world of being an adult

HarryPotterDucks · 06/08/2022 18:27

I don’t see the issue if he goes to the wife and baby after work and comes to yours, just for a sleep. On the weekend he’s staying at his house.

PrezelwithMarmite · 06/08/2022 18:29

No! Im sure the girlfriend would love some sleep too! What an absolute selfish cock

Redshell1976 · 06/08/2022 18:29

Quite frankly tell him to get a grip, grow up and take responsibility. This is what we all go through and he doesn’t get to sit it out because he has to work, don’t we all. He girlfriend needs support too and they should be doing it together. Tell him no for everyone’s sake.

MsHardbroom · 06/08/2022 18:33

HippPippy · 05/08/2022 13:58

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

As everyone else says he needs a stern talking to about the realities of life and being a parent and decent husband. How would he feel if his wife/partner decided to jump ship and spend every week night at her mother's? What on earth does his partner have to say about this? If I was her your son would be moving back in with you permanently! If you do want to be supportive how about offering to have your grandchild one night a week so they can have some time together and BOTH get a good night's sleep?

carefulconsideration · 06/08/2022 18:34

It’s rough being a new parent, but those early days don’t last long. Personally, I would give them two days a week for the first couple of months only. One night for her to get to some rest, and he takes the reins. One night for him. He is being utterly selfish to be honest but she can get something good out of it too :)

newfriend05 · 06/08/2022 18:37

My dear god how can he think this is even acceptable !! Wow

Missingpop · 06/08/2022 18:38

We all know having a new born is hard but your sons idea is selfish & damaging to his partner; he should be supporting her & baby it will settle into a routine & sleep longer between feeds. You need to tell him he has responsibilities now & cannot just decamp as & when he pleases him!!! we’ve all been through it it’s not a new phenomenon that his new born has just invented your boy needs to grow a pair & man up !!

slowquickstep · 06/08/2022 18:38

Tell your Son to grow up and start behaving like a parent.

Pupinski · 06/08/2022 18:38

Confused - is the issue that he wants "a good night's sleep", or that he doesn't want carry out his responsibilities "baby- feeding, bathing, cleaning all the bottles, laundry, cooking etc". He can't be doing both at the same time...

shivawn · 06/08/2022 18:39

Kirstk · 06/08/2022 18:09

I am a little confused... if he does everything when he gets home. Laundry dishes cooking, sorting baby out ect. What does his gf do during the day?

She's taking care of a newborn baby obviously.

Do you have kids or do you think a baby can just be sorted out in the evening when he gets home leaving the girlfriend to chill out all day?

Michellelovesizzy · 06/08/2022 18:39

I would think that your son staying at yours would spell the beginning of the end for your sons relationship

PeachyPeachTrees · 06/08/2022 18:40

As long as the plan works for everyone involved, just do that! If that means DS sleeps at yours 2 nights a week and the GF is fine with it, what's the problem? It doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. It's only literal sleep time and I'm sure if baby is ill he will stay and help. There would be less arguments and less worrying about him loosing his job, especially as she has no job. If he's really hands on when he's there and the sister is helping then that's all good. It's not forever. I think 5 nights is too much though. 2 is a good compromise.

Lily4444 · 06/08/2022 18:49

I’d say he could come for 2 nights but only if his his girlfriend also gets 2nights so that they equally can get time off and catch up on sleep. I think it’s a bit selfish for him to just wizz off to yours leaving her literally holding the baby