Adult son wants to move back mon - fri to ‘get a night’s sleep’

[HippPippy]

DS 27 and his gf recently had a baby. As you’d expect they are being woken up during the night. DS has asked if he can move back in mon - fri so he can get a proper night’s sleep so he can concentrate on going to work and do his job effectively.

DH thinks the idea is outrageous and he should just ‘get on with it’ , I feel a bit confused as to why he is even asking. Surely other new parents don’t do this? I get sleep deprivation is hard, but I am not overly enamoured with this idea. But I don’t want to be unsupportive either - how would you respond?

the thread didn’t go your way so now you’ve decided the rest of the world is wrong and you’re right?

Is what I said untrue? I’m not that immature that I need things to go my way or not, maybe you just like arguing?

Oh I’ve just received a text, they’re on their way over now to talk ! Wish me luck!

Literally was what your son tried to do

And for the record and I don't have children, so I have no skin in the game so to speak and I still think your son is being a rubbish father and partner. But no I'm not bitter, just not blinded to his behaviour.

Good luck 🍀

DS is an AH!!! How incredibly selfish.

I'm pretty sure most of you are wishing your sons girlfriend and your grandchild the luck tbh

Thank you so much, I think we can all do with a bit of luck to be honest! Things like this are rarely straight forward are they.

Ok thank you for your input

My ex-husband was a decent man and a decent father - very involved, very committed, very present. My now husband is a wonderful man; thoughtful, hardworking, who goes above and beyond in every way for me and for my (grown-up) children and is a fantastic support to me in the ways that I or they need it (as I am to him in the ways that he needs it).

None of what I have said on this thread is driven by bitterness; I have not been let down by any of the men I have been fortunate enough to have as part of my life on a personal level. In fact it’s because I know so many good, decent, hardworking and properly committed men, husbands and fathers, that I know what a good and decent man would do in this situation - man up and take the rough with the smooth, get on with it and do what is required of them.

Many millions of women work in vital jobs where they’re responsible for the lives of others on a daily basis. Do they get to opt out of the difficult bits of parenting? No, they do not.

I'm wishing you all luck Op. I'm not sure why the thread has gone so nasty - I disagree with the suggestion (was one of the early posters) but none of us are in their situation to fully understand what's going on.

Hope the talk goes well and results in something positive where you're able to support both of them.

Anyway I hope you all have a good talk today and hopefully find a solution that works equally well for all parties.

Indeed, the woman who ended up having a child with an entitled flight attendant and his enmeshed mother needs a change of luck. At least she has an understanding FIL.

I would take everything your lazy son makes with a huge pinch of salt. ANY man/father/waste of space who considers moving out for most of the week to get some extra sleep is absolutely capable of jackanory stories to convince you.

My partner used to work a 8hr day with 2.5hours drive every day. He would grab 20mins sleep at services and come home to be handed our baby so i could, as others have suggested do some housework. He would have a bath with our boy every night at 8pm as some calm time. He would also stay up until midnight-1pm doing any feeds and changes needed so i could go to bed at 8.30-9pm and have a solid few hours sleep until his next feed at 3pm.

We were a team and there was no imbalance. We did what we could to help each other.

Your son will not be doing all of the things he tells you. His mother is probably exhausted and needing a partner to step up. Your DS is running away.

His mother should be his wife

Wow. That's a weird leap.

My dh parented equally when our dc were babies / toddlers. Which is exactly why I (can't speak for anyone else, but I doubt I am the only one) agree with your dh and think that your ds's proposal is outrageous.
Quite the opposite of me being let down. It sounds like it is your ds who is letting his partner down.

😂

My partner is the most hands on Dad to our DC that I could have hoped for. He's done most of the night feeds since she was born, mucked in 50/60 with cooking and housework after getting home from work, does bath time and bedtime probably most evenings when his working shifts allow, and he wouldn't have dreamed of proposing to move back to his mother's five nights a week!

So no, not bitter or "let down" by my partner, not even close.

I still think your son is ridiculous, though. My opinion doesn't have to come from a place of "bitterness" for it to be valid, you know.

I thought the same. Knows a lot even though the mum "doesn't say a lot" so sounds like assuming to me. No support for babies mum just for son who "can't cope". Maybe she scowls a lot and doesn't talk much because she isn't getting the support she deserves from the son.

My helpful suggestion to you is to speak to them and ask what extra help YOU can give. Can they BOTH come and stay with you with baby and YOU do all the little jobs for a weekend once in a while?

Could you go around to their house every so often through the day and do the cleaning so mum can catch her breath.

There must be hundreds of little jobs you could do which would aleviate the pressure on both of them. I know when i was a new mum, any little gesture to help and make if easier made a huge difference to my relationship with my partner

I don't get why people are being so harsh to the op. She's not enabling her son, she said he couldn't stay. She seems to care about them all a great deal and is trying her best. I don't see the problem? Of course she's going to be worried about how her son is coping because she loves him.

All of this times 100!

If I'd had a willing and helpful MIL, these are the things I'd have found helpful. The little household jobs to take the pressure off, so that DP wasn't coming home from work every day helping me play catch up on all the stuff I haven't had chance to do.

You should consider offering that help to your son's partner when he's at work.

I don't get why people are being so harsh to the op.

Well, she decided anyone who disagreed with her son's attitude was "bitter".

Now do other parents Such as doctors, train drivers get on when they have children?
He needs to man up and have a discussion with the girlfriend and sharing duties so he gets a break too!

I remember taking my young baby with my partner to stay with my mum & dad for a weekend once. We walked through the door and they asked if they could look after the baby for the weekend for us. They meant every second of the weekend, morning and night.

We literally recharged our batteries, laid in bed, drank coffee, talked and reset.

Imagine getting that once in a while. It was enough to make a MASSIVE difference to our state of mind.

What did the son think would happen when the baby was born? That it would be sleeping instantly through night, being able to look after it’s self, that there would be no work and responsibility involved, by the parents? Why did he agree to be a father if he is not prepared to take care of his own child?. Honestly, his poor girlfriend, his poor child!