Page 13 | Wedding, husband and flower girls

Harrishoole · 2022-08-05T09:43:29+00:00

Brother in law is getting married in an hour and a half; never been on mumsnet, don't know what to do. Feel as if I am going to vomit. Checked into hotel to find sister-in-law with her cousins and bridesmaids and two bloody flower girls. Our two girls are not invited. It became very obvious to me and mother-in-law that my children were not going to be invited to the wedding, logically none of our business but it was hurtful and upsetting. I thought my husband would be accepting but he was completely offended. He approached Brother-in-law who spoke to sister-in -law. Kids not invited. Pandemic took over and when wedding was planned again both MiL and husband spoke again but no kids. BiL admitted this was SiL as he had left all planning to her. Husband is best man. I don't know if I should ring him and warn him and MiL. I am scared there will be an atmosphere when they walk in.

MichelleScarn · 09/08/2022 15:15

Bonheurdupasse · 09/08/2022 13:02

Bloody hell - your MIL actually cried about it at the wedding?!

Also can't believe this! Surely she can just buy them pretty dresses and take them for a treat, unless it is actually about her wanting for them and by extension her, to get more attention at the wedding? Was being mother of the groom not enough?. I really hope that her behaviour like this hasn't got passed back to the bride and groom. How upsetting would it be for them that his mothers tears on his wedding day were due to this!

Tessasanderson · 09/08/2022 16:01

Time to move on. In fact the less you mention their wedding the more it will grate with the bride if she made the choice for any spiteful reason.

You know where you stand. Be civil but lifes too short to give a toss tbh

MaggieFS · 09/08/2022 16:07

HoppingPavlova · 09/08/2022 13:37

@Harrishoole Flower girls traditionally come from the brides side. They don’t have to be direct nieces of the bride, just from the brides side. Given there were flower girls it was obviously a traditional wedding, so why would your MIL assume the flower girls would be from the grooms side instead, that’s odd? Sure, if someone wanted flower girls desperately and didn’t know any young girls on her end then they would search further afield but that’s not the case here.

So, as it turns out it was indeed a child free wedding in terms of wedding guests.

Not in my experience. Traditionally girls of the appropriate ages from both sides would be the flower girls and bridesmaids.

As an aunt once said "a wedding isn't as much about the bride and groom as the joining of two families". (FWIW, I don't agree)

Grapewrath · 09/08/2022 16:13

Sounds like you managed the whole thing really well OP and well don’t fit managing the awkward questions about your kids not being there
I agree with previous poster who said the less said the better in terms of what is said. If the bride was deliberately excluding your kids then breezing over it will be more satisfying than making a big deal.

Grapewrath · 09/08/2022 16:14

*well done for

10HailMarys · 09/08/2022 16:29

Your update doesn't really make you look any less entitled and if your MIL cried because your kids weren't the bride's flower girls, she's being utterly absurd. Your husband is absurd to be 'angry' that his children were not invited to a child-free wedding. You still don't seem to understand that the flower girls were chosen by the bride as part of the wedding party because they are close to her. Your children are related to her husband, not to her, so they were not in the wedding party.

Your MIL already knew your kids weren't invited and had already made a fuss about that so why did she then think the flower girl dresses were for them?

I feel incredibly sorry for your SIL. You're all bonkers.

KnockedInn · 09/08/2022 16:41

I figured that would work

ancientgran · 09/08/2022 16:58

I think that tradition is long forgotten, the Duchess of Cambridge and the Duchess of Sussex both seemed to manage with flower girls from the groom's side, in fact I think all of the Duchess of Cambridge's flowergirls were from Prince William's side.

The Royal Family really need some etiquette advice from people on this thread.

Ohahjustalittlebit · 09/08/2022 17:16

I had three flower girls at my childfree wedding. No other kids there. It was my day so not sure why anyone else would have been offended. I do not get this post at all.

ancientgran · 09/08/2022 17:18

Ohahjustalittlebit · 09/08/2022 17:16

I had three flower girls at my childfree wedding. No other kids there. It was my day so not sure why anyone else would have been offended. I do not get this post at all.

Do you have a niece? If you do did it occur to you that she might love to be your flowergirl and her mother and grandmother might feel sad for her that her auntie didn't include her?

Meanderingpuppy · 09/08/2022 17:24

@Harrishoole glad it went well. It was a difficult situation, but it sounds like you handled it well 💐

KnockedInn · 09/08/2022 17:33

ancientgran · 09/08/2022 16:58

I think that tradition is long forgotten, the Duchess of Cambridge and the Duchess of Sussex both seemed to manage with flower girls from the groom's side, in fact I think all of the Duchess of Cambridge's flowergirls were from Prince William's side.

The Royal Family really need some etiquette advice from people on this thread.

Lots Of Differences Between A Royal Wedding and A Commoner's Wedding Dingdong LOL

The Things People Come Up With SMH

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/08/2022 17:34

ancientgran · 09/08/2022 16:58

I think that tradition is long forgotten, the Duchess of Cambridge and the Duchess of Sussex both seemed to manage with flower girls from the groom's side, in fact I think all of the Duchess of Cambridge's flowergirls were from Prince William's side.

The Royal Family really need some etiquette advice from people on this thread.

Lol well spotted ancientgran.

ancientgran · 09/08/2022 17:36

KnockedInn · 09/08/2022 17:33

Lots Of Differences Between A Royal Wedding and A Commoner's Wedding Dingdong LOL

The Things People Come Up With SMH

Show quote history

Well obviously, I mean they haven't got a clue about tradition for a start off. Mind you I must mix in royal circles as I've never known a couple who were having flowergirls leave their nieces out unless they were babies. Royal circles or nice thoughtful people? Not sure which it is.

diddl · 09/08/2022 18:52

If BIL wasn't interested in having his nieces as attendants/guests there's not really a lot to be done is there?

ancientgran · 09/08/2022 19:23

diddl · 09/08/2022 18:52

If BIL wasn't interested in having his nieces as attendants/guests there's not really a lot to be done is there?

Well his brother can carry on being annoyed with him. His mother can carry on being upset. His SIL might not be happy with him. His nieces might be hurt and upset but never mind a grown man will live with that. Well he will have to won't he.

Mymoneydontjigglejiggle · 09/08/2022 19:35

'Queezy'??!! You're a gp and don't know how to spell queasy? How bizarre.

RealityTV · 10/08/2022 09:18

If you were about to vomit over something so simple, I would hate to see how you handle real world situations! The simple truth is that they didn't invite kids other than the ones who were in the wedding. Deal with it and get over it. Learn that everything is not about you, your wants or your kids!

HoppingPavlova · 10/08/2022 10:46

I think that tradition is long forgotten, the Duchess of Cambridge and the Duchess of Sussex both seemed to manage with flower girls from the groom's side, in fact I think all of the Duchess of Cambridge's flowergirls were from Prince William's side.

The difference is the Royals can have an endless wedding party if they want to due to the scale of their weddings. If they want 10 flower girls and 8 page boys to cover all of extended family and his children then that’s easily accommodated. It’s not really possible for people having a regular wedding not on a Royal scale for size, to have this. I doubt the wedding OP went to was of large enough scale that 4 flower girls wouldn’t have looked really odd, whereas 2 would have suited better. I mail be wrong and maybe it was held in an enormous cathedral?

aSofaNearYou · 10/08/2022 11:01

ancientgran · 09/08/2022 16:58

I think that tradition is long forgotten, the Duchess of Cambridge and the Duchess of Sussex both seemed to manage with flower girls from the groom's side, in fact I think all of the Duchess of Cambridge's flowergirls were from Prince William's side.

The Royal Family really need some etiquette advice from people on this thread.

Perhaps they felt more close to their fiancé's family than some do. I would want the flower girl's to be from my side not because of tradition, but because I am the bride and I'm not that close to any girls on DPs side.

ancientgran · 10/08/2022 18:14

HoppingPavlova · 10/08/2022 10:46

I think that tradition is long forgotten, the Duchess of Cambridge and the Duchess of Sussex both seemed to manage with flower girls from the groom's side, in fact I think all of the Duchess of Cambridge's flowergirls were from Prince William's side.

The difference is the Royals can have an endless wedding party if they want to due to the scale of their weddings. If they want 10 flower girls and 8 page boys to cover all of extended family and his children then that’s easily accommodated. It’s not really possible for people having a regular wedding not on a Royal scale for size, to have this. I doubt the wedding OP went to was of large enough scale that 4 flower girls wouldn’t have looked really odd, whereas 2 would have suited better. I mail be wrong and maybe it was held in an enormous cathedral?

So a regular wedding couldn't accommodate 4 little girls. I mean how small is the venue?

If it comes to looking odd I think leaving 2 nieces out looks odd but apart from that the OP was talking about them being invited or would two extra little guests look odd as well?

ancientgran · 10/08/2022 18:16

aSofaNearYou · 10/08/2022 11:01

Perhaps they felt more close to their fiancé's family than some do. I would want the flower girl's to be from my side not because of tradition, but because I am the bride and I'm not that close to any girls on DPs side.

Show quote history

So you wouldn't even invite your husband's nieces to the wedding? Well that is certainly one way to get closer to his family.

KnockedInn · 10/08/2022 18:43

Pretty sure ancientgran is the op. She has showed up to defend herself against everyone since I called her out in my short post, "I figured that would work." And op's original username Harrishoole only came back the one time, right after my long post where I said what she was up to. She could have posted way sooner but didn't until she felt she had to cover..
If you read the style of her writing, you'll see what I mean. Besides that, who else would argue about everything, and with everyone - trying to defend the op and her drama?

diddl · 10/08/2022 18:44

So you wouldn't even invite your husband's nieces to the wedding? Well that is certainly one way to get closer to his family.

Jeez-wifework expected before marriage!

ancientgran · 10/08/2022 18:49

KnockedInn · 10/08/2022 18:43

Pretty sure ancientgran is the op. She has showed up to defend herself against everyone since I called her out in my short post, "I figured that would work." And op's original username Harrishoole only came back the one time, right after my long post where I said what she was up to. She could have posted way sooner but didn't until she felt she had to cover..
If you read the style of her writing, you'll see what I mean. Besides that, who else would argue about everything, and with everyone - trying to defend the op and her drama?

Well you won't get the job as the next Miss Marple. Do ask to have it checked as I have no idea why you think that but I'm not a doctor, I don't have 2 daughters, my husband doesn't have a brother, or sister for that matter. Oh and my kids are all adults, I do have two granddaughters but they aren't sisters and both have been flowergirls at the most recent family wedding.

Apart from that you really are as smart as a tack, or maybe not.

Who else indeed. I'm suffering from long covid I've been ill for six months and spend most of the day sitting resting between short bursts of trying to get stuff done so pass some time on here. Hope that is OK with you.

Have a nice day.