Page 9 | Wedding, husband and flower girls

Meanderingpuppy · 05/08/2022 21:32

We had loads of children at our wedding and they were really cheap to attend, as they didn't drink alcohol and their meals were half price. I think our little guests had a great time and they were such a joy to have as part of our wedding. Also my toddler has been to 4 weddings already and loved them all.

Saying that, although we loved having kids at our wedding, it is very much the choice of the bride and groom, and people do have cost and venue capacity constraints ect. Just don't agree that children hate weddings, in my experience they have a great time. As a parent I would definitley prefer to have my toddler included, rather than have to leave him over night with a baby sitter or something, but realise we have been very lucky to have him invited to all the weddings we have attended since his birth.

Also can see why the poor OP was upset. Although the bride and groom can of course invite who ever they choose, it does seem odd to invite two girls and then not your nieces, whose dad is also the best man. Think the OP has every right to be a bit shocked by this when she found out other similar aged children to her own had been invited. Hope she and her husband were able to put it aside and enjoy their day though and that they won't hold it against the brother and SIL. Weddings are stressful and ridiculously expensive, guest lists are so tricky, and most of us are not professional events planners, so we make mistakes.

OP hope you had a good day and are OK. Please ignore the harsher comments on here, I can see why you felt as you did in the moment.

Cw122 · 05/08/2022 23:11

Harrishoole · 05/08/2022 10:43

Brother in law is getting married in an hour and a half; never been on mumsnet, don't know what to do. Feel as if I am going to vomit.

Checked into hotel to find sister-in-law with her cousins and bridesmaids and two bloody flower girls.

Our two girls are not invited.

It became very obvious to me and mother-in-law that my children were not going to be invited to the wedding, logically none of our business but it was hurtful and upsetting. I thought my husband would be accepting but he was completely offended. He approached Brother-in-law who spoke to sister-in -law. Kids not invited.

Pandemic took over and when wedding was planned again both MiL and husband spoke again but no kids. BiL admitted this was SiL as he had left all planning to her.

Husband is best man. I don't know if I should ring him and warn him and MiL. I am scared there will be an atmosphere when they walk in.

Kids cost the same as an adult attending the wedding as they take up a seat at the table and venues will have limits on numbers they can host. When we got married we had no kids at the wedding apart from those in the wedding party and those that were being breastfed. I think that's fair enough considering how expensive weddings are now plus I think most parents enjoy having a night out together. We had a few people chance their arm the morning of and were told no because it would have completely ruined our table plan. It's their wedding so up to them to decide on who is invited. I think it's unreasonable to be annoyed at that tbh. It's their day not yours.

CherryPieface · 05/08/2022 23:33

PaperLanterns · 05/08/2022 20:42

Well, I’d just be celebrating the fact that I was child free with an excuse for day drinking, tbh. Kids are annoying at a wedding - at least you are free of yours for a few hours where you can eat your meal in peace and chug a couple of wines!

Yes, totally!

ancientgran · 06/08/2022 08:39

Cw122 · 05/08/2022 23:11

Kids cost the same as an adult attending the wedding as they take up a seat at the table and venues will have limits on numbers they can host. When we got married we had no kids at the wedding apart from those in the wedding party and those that were being breastfed. I think that's fair enough considering how expensive weddings are now plus I think most parents enjoy having a night out together. We had a few people chance their arm the morning of and were told no because it would have completely ruined our table plan. It's their wedding so up to them to decide on who is invited. I think it's unreasonable to be annoyed at that tbh. It's their day not yours.

Show quote history

We've had 2 weddings of my kids in recent years. For both of them the children's meals were half price and no alcohol charge so for both children were much much cheaper than adults just like @Meanderingpuppy above your post.

ancientgran · 06/08/2022 08:40

CherryPieface · 05/08/2022 23:33

Yes, totally!

Show quote history

Even if children are invited the parents can attend without them.

LadyDanburysCane · 06/08/2022 08:45

ancientgran · 06/08/2022 08:39

We've had 2 weddings of my kids in recent years. For both of them the children's meals were half price and no alcohol charge so for both children were much much cheaper than adults just like @Meanderingpuppy above your post.

Show quote history

We had children at our wedding. Half price for the meal (food was child friendly anyway as it was a roast dinner) and no charge at all for the child with special requirements so the parents brought them a “packed lunch”.

Another friend actively encouraged children (including the one I had at that time), for the meal the children had their own side room with their own child friendly food and entertainment. And no, the couple didn’t have any children but their friends and families did.

ancientgran · 06/08/2022 08:56

LadyDanburysCane · 06/08/2022 08:45

We had children at our wedding. Half price for the meal (food was child friendly anyway as it was a roast dinner) and no charge at all for the child with special requirements so the parents brought them a “packed lunch”.

Another friend actively encouraged children (including the one I had at that time), for the meal the children had their own side room with their own child friendly food and entertainment. And no, the couple didn’t have any children but their friends and families did.

Show quote history

We found that was the norm, looked at lots of venues for DDs wedding and not one of them charged full price for children. Babies were free, children half price meal and obviously no charge for the wine. I'm surprised so many people have found places that charge fullprice for children. The place we chose we could also have an adult meal for teenagers but again with a deduction as no alcohol for under 18s.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 06/08/2022 09:08

AmyDudley · 05/08/2022 17:20

Hopefully all the other guests whose kids weren't invited don't want to vomit or the whole thing is going to be a bit of a puke-fest.

The wedding breakfast:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Hoz9l4l8LYw

Pipsquiggle · 06/08/2022 10:15

For no children weddings there are usually 3 reasons

Cost - they simply can't afford it, even if the meals are half price. It's easier to have a blanket rule rather than picking choosing which DC can attend.
Capacity of the venue - this was our reason we had no children at our wedding. We could only invite 60 to the wedding breakfast. If we had invited DC that would have meant 15 of our oldest, closet friends wouldn't be invited . The footprint of a high chair is the same as a normal chair. We decided that good friends usurped DC we hardly knew
The bride and groom just don't want DC at their wedding, because let's face it, sometimes DC can be a ball ache

SuperPets · 06/08/2022 10:56

I've taken kids to weddings before....its not a lot of fun for them. It's boring. Lets face it, most weddings are boring unless you're drinking a fair bit

Wonderinghare · 06/08/2022 11:07

I think it might depend on the wedding. My son has loved all of the weddings he has been to. At our wedding we had lots of child guests and some activities for them + they had lots of little play mates. They seemed to really enjoy themselves. If it is just one or two children with nothing to do they do probably hate it.

Wexone · 06/08/2022 11:19

@brianixon got married recently. there was no children under the age of 12 at my wedding. there was 3 teenagers. my sister has 2 children under three. asked her many times did she want ti bring them. she was a very loud no no. she said I am looking forward to a day to enjoy myslef sleep in a nice bed without being woken up by the kids. so that's the reason they were excluded. cause their mother wanted to be able to enjoy a child free event and they got spoiled rotten by their grandparents that day who minded them. there was many people at our wedding who had children. their children were not invited and there was no complaints at all. I personally don't think weddings are suitable for children

Pipsquiggle · 06/08/2022 11:26

Wonderinghare · 06/08/2022 11:07

I think it might depend on the wedding. My son has loved all of the weddings he has been to. At our wedding we had lots of child guests and some activities for them + they had lots of little play mates. They seemed to really enjoy themselves. If it is just one or two children with nothing to do they do probably hate it.

@Wonderinghare that's great, I am glad you had the wedding you wanted and the cost and capacity were not issues for you.

You do see that what works for your wedding doesn't work for everyone?

OP has posted that her DC were not invited, she was upset when she saw 2 DC as flower girls and we are trying to point out that DC outside of the bridal party are often not included at weddings

ancientgran · 06/08/2022 11:31

Wexone · 06/08/2022 11:19

@brianixon got married recently. there was no children under the age of 12 at my wedding. there was 3 teenagers. my sister has 2 children under three. asked her many times did she want ti bring them. she was a very loud no no. she said I am looking forward to a day to enjoy myslef sleep in a nice bed without being woken up by the kids. so that's the reason they were excluded. cause their mother wanted to be able to enjoy a child free event and they got spoiled rotten by their grandparents that day who minded them. there was many people at our wedding who had children. their children were not invited and there was no complaints at all. I personally don't think weddings are suitable for children

They weren't excluded though, their mother decided not to bring them which is fine but if you had two other 3 year olds as flower girls and told her there were no children at the wedding she might have been a bit offended even if she would have chosen not to bring them. I just can't see the point in the groom lying to his brother, he must have realised that his brother would see other children there.

Parpophone · 06/08/2022 11:36

@Wexone

I'm not sure that you understand what excluded means.

Pipsquiggle · 06/08/2022 13:48

@Harrishoole how did yesterday go?

Did you find about the flower girls?

Were any other nieces /nephews not invited?

ZoeCM · 06/08/2022 15:29

@Burnamer, "getting flamed" is definitely not just MN lingo! People used to refer to angry online posts as "flames" back when I was a kid, before MN even began.

Burnamer · 06/08/2022 15:56

ZoeCM · 06/08/2022 15:29

@Burnamer, "getting flamed" is definitely not just MN lingo! People used to refer to angry online posts as "flames" back when I was a kid, before MN even began.

Fair enough. Still great to see that a non-MNnetter comes here first with such a post though….

Wonderinghare · 06/08/2022 16:16

@Pipsquiggle cost and capacity were definitely issues at our wedding, we just had different priorities. I was just trying to reply to someone saying that children hate weddings. I think it depends on the wedding and that is fine, as people choose the wedding they want for themselves.

Do think people have bee a bit hard on the original poster, as she was just shocked that her own children (the nieces of the groom and children of the bestman) had been excluded when other children were included. Of course that is completely fine for the bride and groom to choose to do that, it is there day, but also think it is valid for the OP to be a bit shocked.

OP hope you had a good day despite what happened.

Pipsquiggle · 06/08/2022 16:49

@Wonderinghare whether children enjoy weddings or not is a moot point /irrelevant in this thread. OP's Dds were not invited.

OP has had a bit of a bashing because she sounded a bit melodramatic. As this thread has demonstrated some people really care about DC at their wedding, some people really don't.

It's really difficult as we know nothing more than OP has told us. We don't know any real context or their family dynamics which will probably reveal whether she is being unreasonable or not

Tessabelle74 · 06/08/2022 17:37

When my Dad got married there were no kids, except for the bride's 2. Wedding party children are not the same as guests

Tuskanini · 06/08/2022 17:56

Flower Girls, not guests. And of course they'd be chosen from the bride's immediate family. Calm down!

007Stocko · 06/08/2022 17:59

You really need to wobble your head OP and stop being such a drama queen.

Runnerduck34 · 06/08/2022 18:10

Not inviting grooms nieces and nephews but inviting the brides seems very unfair and divisive to me. If I was the grooms mother or sibling I would be pissed off tbh.

Behappyplease · 06/08/2022 18:32

I would be pissed off too if my children were excluded from my DH brothers wedding but his bride to be included kids from her family.

totally understand child free weddings but this would not sit well with me, I suppose it depends on the family dynamics.