Wedding, husband and flower girls

[Harrishoole]

Brother in law is getting married in an hour and a half; never been on mumsnet, don't know what to do. Feel as if I am going to vomit.

Checked into hotel to find sister-in-law with her cousins and bridesmaids and two bloody flower girls.

Our two girls are not invited.

It became very obvious to me and mother-in-law that my children were not going to be invited to the wedding, logically none of our business but it was hurtful and upsetting. I thought my husband would be accepting but he was completely offended. He approached Brother-in-law who spoke to sister-in -law. Kids not invited.

Pandemic took over and when wedding was planned again both MiL and husband spoke again but no kids. BiL admitted this was SiL as he had left all planning to her.

Husband is best man. I don't know if I should ring him and warn him and MiL. I am scared there will be an atmosphere when they walk in.

They might want a mostly child free wedding. Pretty normal not to include bridesmaids in that count. We didn’t have kids at our wedding but did include flower girls. They left at 8pm and went to a babysitter and was glorious.

The fact that the op didn’t know who was to make up the bridal party until a couple of hours before the wedding would suggest that she and the bride are not close. It may also suggest that she has little to no relationship with the girls.
An additional two flower girls ( doubling the number) was perhaps more than the bride wanted. Too many over excited little girls may not have been the type of ambiance that she was going for. The girls father may well be best man but it doesn’t automatically include his family in the bridal party.

It’s a BIL problem. A bit asymmetric - in That he could have asked for kids to do something on his side (eg bring up the rings) - Like a page boy … or girl… but it’s their wedding. Probs not worth causing a fuss over. Just try and enjoy a child free evening.

Im surprised with the op's husband being best man the subject of bridesmaids and flower girls hadnt been mentioned between them.

Stop stirring and get on with it.

Sounds like you like to be centre of attention OP. Please don't be an arse on someone else's wedding day.

A lot of people are choosing to have childless weddings; don’t look at it as a snub look at it as an opportunity for you & your husband to have a lovely day children free; you can have a few drinks; a good laugh & a night in a hotel to yourselves!!
Don’t go looking for trouble this is the bride & grooms day it’s not a free for all bashing of their wishes if you & the Mil cause trouble you’ll be hated until your dying day!!!

I think it's a dick move not to invite nieces and nephews to a wedding

This, with bells on.

Your MIL and DH need to grow up! It's quite common to have flower girls at a wedding, and this has nothing to do with a "no kids" rule. Such a drama over nothing. It's not a right for kids to be invited to someone's wedding.

The flower girls are most likely well behaved, which is why the bride chose them to be in her wedding. But she has no desire for guests to bring children that will be running around, unruly, and/or causing all kinds of drama. I mean clearly it's going to be enough with the uninvited children's parents who are all drama; vomiting, whining on the internet, and carrying on like the day should be all about them. It's not you know.

"carrying on like the day should be all about them. It's not you know'

I must be the most selfless person on the planet, because we actually put some consideration in for our guests. We had it in a convenient place for our guests, both local and living overseas. We invited DC and we did things we thought people would enjoy.

People today are so narcissistic and self indulged. Weddings are a massive faff and inconvenience to mot of the guests. Not inviting DC causes parents loads of stress. Many of them will have to pay someone to look after them.

if you don't want DC at your wedding , fine. But expect consequences. You will be stepping off in your marriage on the wrong foot, and when it some to your own DC, don't expect any favours with extended family.

Your wedding is one day and the day after you no longer have Madonna status.

Their wedding , their choice ffs! Poor bride sounding breezy! God forbid she’s going to be happy on her wedding day! And you could vomit, over that! Drama queen or what! Mil will be shocked and your husband angry, I actually feel sorry for the bride coming into your family! What a fuss about nothing

It's tricky as the flower girls aren't regular invited guests and maybe they didn't want 2 extra flower girls. If there are no other kids, it's fine. I would be upset if other kids as guests and not mine if it's close family wedding. I'd enjoy a child free day and evening tbh.

That’s standard internet discussion site terminology, it’s not MN specific

I've two kids and love them dearly but I would much prefer they not attend any wedding I am a guest at.

YABU - get over yourself. Massive OTT reaction!

Well you can just accept the invitation for yourself and decline for the children. It is quite simple.

I'd be totally.pissed off we os it unusual to want nice to be at their uncles wedding ??

Weddings are really, really expensive! And something a girl looks forward to for a very long time. It's the one day she should be Queen for the day! And have everyone accommodating her and respecting her wishes, not the other way around! It's her one special day and complainers should just stay home!!!

The problem with this post is that @Harrishoole hasn't back with any context.

There could be 18 nieces /nephews and they could be in a small venue. It's easier to say no to all children

We just don't know

You sound like a ton of work. I'm exhausted just thinking of dealing with you. My sister had "no children" rule at her wedding. But her hisband is one of 18 so that would have added way too many guests in the mix. And our cousins are all much younger than us. My wedding was 6 years later so the kids were older so we did include some. MOST weddings I've been to are child free, minus the wedding party. My 20 year old daughter has only gone to one in her life, because she was in it. Children are a nuisance at weddings. They arent exactly "fun" for kids. If I was 8, hanging around at a wedding would have sounded awful. So they end up running around screaming because they are bored out of thier minds. You are a major drama queen

I get that people would like their children invited, but at the end of the day this is their wedding not yours or your partners, I hate when other people try to force what they want on others. This is there day, they can invite who they want, they are footing the bill, and it should be exactly how they want it. No one else has any business in being upset about how the day is planned; the day is about celebrating their love and their union, all you have to do is show up and be supportive, please remember it’s not about you, your partner, your MIL and all of your feelings and opinions, it’s about them!

My bil and sil got married and invited all of her family to be part of the bridal party and the children on her side to the wedding. Dd was the only one not invited. We just didn’t go but didn’t make a fuss. Bil was very offended tbh and didn’t really understand why we didn’t just get childcare for the day lol.
Op I hope it went ok and you enjoyed the day regardless.

Also wanted to add that yanbu to be hurt.

Not your wedding, not your decision. Yes, the bride has flower girls - it's HER wedding, HER bridal party, HER choice. It doesn't mean that guests' children are invited. You knew your children weren't invited and accepted that, still choosing to attend.
Please don't go kicking up a fuss, it's not your wedding, so not your place to do so. Not everyone wants children at their celebration, it's the couple's decision to make, no one else's. You obviously like to include children (I do too) but not everyone does 🤷🏻‍♀️ take a deep breath and go in there and celebrate as you had intended to do so before getting wound up about someone else's flower girls.

How dramatic. A child free wedding doesn’t have include the kids in the actual wedding party ffs. Traditionally the flower girls are from the brides side and the page boy is from the grooms but if there is not this combination of kids existing they would ‘swap sides’ such as page boy from brides side if a boy if suitable age did not exist on the grooms side. They obviously had a traditional wedding. It’s not my thing but it is some peoples and just because there are kids present in the traditional wedding party doesn’t mean it’s no longer a child free wedding and open slather on all kids being invited. The whole going to vomit thing and conundrum about ringing DH etc makes it sound like you are 12yo.