He deconstructed my knitting pile.

[MappyDappy]

I am sure I am not being unreasonable here. But here goes.

My partner does a hobby which involves him being out late alot. I asked him a few nights ago if he could skip one so as to spend some more time with him.

He wasnt happy and expressed that I had my hobby that I do every night! (Knitting) but I do this in house. I don't go out to any groups etc. He stayed home. We watched a movie. All good. Went to bed.

Got up this morning and my entire knitting pile (was knitting a cardi and socks for a friend) had been unwound and was sitting in neat balls of wool! I'm absolutely astounded. AIBU to think there is no need for this behaviour for the sake of a night off.

Bloody brilliant!

Yes!! Very well done. ❤️ He's an immature loser. What do you think his reaction will be?

That is awful.

he hasn’t “deconstructed”, he’s destroyed your hard work.

Christ alive, what an absolute bastard!

I am so delighted by your past post, that absolutely cannot be accepted. That would be the end of my marriage too, it's quite psychotic behaviour from him. Let us know his reaction if you are up to it later. I really admire your decisiveness and bravery, that would be a hard line for me too and behaviour I just couldn't get past.

You're fabulous.

Obviously it might not be possible depending on his job, but is there a chance he'll get the message and come home?

If so, please get the locks before dropping off and get straight home.

OP glad to hear you’re ending things. If you can though I would just give him his music back. You don’t want to give him any excuse or ammo to return - he sounds really vindictive. Get a clean break and stay safe as your priority.

Oh should have read further. What a horrible man. Well done for kicking him out.

This ^^

That is whole other level of nastiness to destroy something you'd worked so hard on

What an unpleasant piece of work your partner is

I hope you don't cook for him nor do his laundry and that you go on strike for months in reaction to his actions. I can't believe you're not fuming 😡
I am for you !!!

Fuck that shows a really nasty streak, they clearly thought about how could punish you and waited for you to go to bed. It would've taken fair amount of their time to do so not even an impulsive outburst which may regret.

It's not unreasonable to want to spend time with your partner and had only asked reduce time not stop and he could've refused. Possibly has already checked out relationship and why is spending so much time on a hobby (possibly using that as a cover story) and your just providing a convenience role in his life currently as a partner should care about your feelings, want to spend time together and hold importance when prioritising life.

Leave this man to his hobby and move on, would however expect possible spiteful and destructive behaviour if you split rather than assume will be adult and amicable.

It takes ages to undo knitting and wind it into balls. The sheer amount of passive aggressive action that's gone into this, and into an effort to control you is actually a little bit chilling. This isn't a spur of the moment act of passion (still wrong) but a thoughtful, deliberate time consuming act. I am glad you are getting rid of him, I imagine if you didn't this would just be the start of a campaign to control you.

So glad to read this.
Hope you're ok.

I've just come back to this thread as the more I thought about it the more it reminded me of my coercive ex who would do things like that to punish me and keep me under control. I was actually a bit emotional reading your update as I remember the day when I finally left. Good on you OP for having the strength and wisdom to leave now!

I agree that it’s unhinged.

He needs to go. It’s really nasty.

Well done OP. Some ideas for your note:

”Just tying up some loose ends - I feel so much better now I have cast off this relationship. You won’t pull the wool over my eyes again. Good luck seeing your life unravel.”

I agree with @Sheepreallylikerichteabiscuits above, there is actually something quite scary and calculated about what he has done.

Good
Because nobody needs and abusive man like that in their life.

You are well rid, let him take his nastiness out on someone else.
Is house / tenancy in your name? Do you have DCs together? Has he form for this type of behaviour? You are well shot or anyone that thinks this is reasonable reaction to a request to stay home one night. What a piece of work he is...

I think you should change the locks before dropping his stuff at his workplace. I’m so glad you’re getting rid of this scumbag.

Jesus Christ OP - My ex did some stuff that shocked and horrified my friends, but the painstaking, time-consuming malicious pettiness of doing that really is so far over the line that I'm glad you're taking it as the final straw.

I have to agree with changing the locks - if you don't have time to get out and back, something I've done temporarily is swapping the front and back door barrels, just so that it looks at first try that you've swapped them entirely - it's a 5 minute job (assuming they're the same size) one screw driver, undoing the screw with the door open, whip it out and put in a new one.

Well done @MappyDappy

Holy shit, op. That is chilling. What a hurtful thing for him to do. That’s not even slightly the same as you asking him not to go do his hobby for one evening. The equivalent would be him asking you not to knit for one evening while you’re together, not destroying weeks worth of your work.

I’m glad you’re getting rid of him. Please don’t destroy any of his belongings though, as much as I’m sure you want to. He sounds like the sort of person who might retaliate by setting fire to your house.

Spend a few nights sewing a voodoo doll of him and then enjoy stabbing your knitting needles up its arse instead.

What a shithead
Good on you op for showing him the door

I'd change the locks first before dumping his stuff otherwise he could get back before you.

Fucking unhinged.

I'd be installing a bit more security, I think. Consider getting a large dog too.

Do the locks before you drop his stuff off - he’ll probably storm straight out after you once he realises and you need to be safe.

He sat calmly with you watching a film, plotting all this, and pretended everything was fine? Went to bed, and then sneakily got up and ruined all your work. He’s actually dangerous. Warn your work that you’ve broken up with a nutter and ask them to be wary of accusations against you/him turning up.

OP - I was going to give you my first ever LTB, but have read your updates. I genuinely think this is one of the most shocking things I've ever read on MN. I am quite honestly at a loss for words.
Good luck with the lock changing.