To think that my contributions to our family home count for anything?

[Greenlife1]

I know that I have few rights as per current legislation but am I being unreasonable to think I have earned a segment of our next family home (I'm talking in terms of ethical principles not legality)

Living with partner of 15 years and our 4 children. He is buying a house outright which will be paid for by selling the house we have lived in for 10 years and is also owned by him. I have worked and contributed to running the household for 15 years and have, of course, sacrificed career progression to support my family and his career, not to mention, I have also grafted on the current house, helping to increase its value and spent small amounts of money on it when I have been able to.

Partner thinks I'm ludicrous to even have these thoughts as I've not put in any big amounts of money. I had hoped I might be able to aim for a small mortgage on our next home that I could pay off myself to give me some security and to just feel like I have a place in the world that I have earned but he wants to own it outright.

Marriage not on cards right now for various reasons.

As a grown woman with a basic understanding of biology I would assume she also wanted the children

Men are not indebted to women for birthing children.

On the whole, people are being a little harsh - although they're right, unless you are in Scotland. Scots law is different and although it isn't clear cut, you would have a lot more right to a share of the house up here. This is mostly down to a long tradition of marriage being as easy as a couple declaring that they are married. They didn't even need witnesses - albeit that was a long time ago. I'm not a lawyer, but I am a historian. You can look up the present situation, under 'Scots law cohabiting couples' and see that it is different from England. Still unwise to leave it to chance, but it's always worth remembering that Scots law is often different from English law.

No but they are indebted when the woman sacrifices her career to support the kids and enabling the partner’s career.

Enabling the partners career 🤣 what planet are you on, most men’s career would significantly improve by not having children or wives dependent on them. Everyone is making a sacrifice when it comes to having a family.

most men’s career would significantly improve by not having children or wives dependent on them.

Nope. Family men have better careers on average.

They also live longer and are healthier.

I think you’ll find that research was back in the olden days when they had the wife at the back and call doing 100% of the childcare, cooking their dinners every night, washing their clothes and giving them blowjobs, these days it has zero impact, detrimental for both parties infact

Actually, my DH used to work for one of the big four. They openly favoured married men with kids when recruiting, don’t even try to hide

Have you escaped from Reddit?

Women who look after the kids enable their partner to focus on their career.

A single dad would have no such benefit.

I hope he reported that blatant discrimination as a woman would be encouraged to do if she was asked questions in interview about her personal and family life.

I currently work for one of the big four and i find that surprising, Hopefully we don’t work for the same one.

This situation should have never happened.

Hmm, that is tricky. I guess you chose to go along with it and that staying at home with the kids was a choice rather than you staying home to support his career.

If you had continued to work then you could possibly have bought somewhere for yourself or at least saved money.

Our kids have properties bought with 'family money' so I think I can see it from your partners point of view too. Basically, as long as you are together, you live 'rent free' and will have a home but if you separate then he gets to keep his house.

I don't think you are unreasonable to want to go on the new houses deeds though. Would it be possible for you to get a mortgage?

Actually they ate not. Again OP has choices.

YANBU, oh dear that's not a good situation you definitely are entitled to something with what you've put in, why on earth is he not putting house in joint names? especially as you have children together . I was widowed but have since met someone else and married him last year because due to a few issues I wanted him to have security if anything happened to me.

I may be wrong but I think that as you have been together for 15 years and have four children, if you were to separate then you would have a right to a share of your partner's assets and income - though I believe, as you are not married, this would be for your children's benefit, not your own (ie no maintenance solely for yourself).

I would have thought a reasonable and caring man would recognise your contribution to your partnership - and his responsibility to you all - and have at least a share of the property's value assigned to you (not quite sure how - Land Registry?).

I don't think those who say you have no rights at all are correct. You might want to consider seeing a solicitor and clarifying your legal position .

And what makes you believe that @ellyeth ?

This is from a legal firm's website:
"An unmarried person’s rights in relation to property are significantly affected by whether or not there are children of the relationship. If there are, it is open to a parent to make an application under Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989 for a lump sum, settlement or transfer of property order.
However, since the law is that the cohabitant herself (it is still usually the mother making the claim) has no claims in her own right, any capital which is awarded to purchase a property is likely to be held in trust until the child’s majority or the end of full-time education, whereupon the capital sum will revert to the payer."

I did say that I wasn't sure but I thought that anything claimed would be for the benefit of the children. I was not aware that any monies awarded to buy a property would revert to the payer on the children ceasing full time education. What a crazy system.

Many women are not aware that they are extremely vulnerable if they do not have income and property of their own and have children outside of marriage. I think this is particularly so with women who take part in religious-only ceremonies. They may believe such a marriage entitles them to a share of their husband's assets if the marriage fails but they too can end up with absolutely nothing.

In my view, any man that fathers four children over a considerable period of time but fails to make fair provision for the mother of those children is pretty despicable - but the law appears to think this is ok.

That's essentially a law that only benefits the super-rich.

I don't think OP is coming back anyway. She thinks we all voted that she is being unreasonable. I hope she realises that while we agree she should be entitled to something or be able to buy into the next house, we were confirming that legally she isn't.

If he wants it to be ‘his’ house don’t pay for anything associated with owning a house - home insurance, council tax etc. and don’t pay for any upkeep or maintenance. Make him aware of this and he may change his mind on whether you should be named on the property or not. If it was me I would also work out how much I had paid to those things across 15 years and ask him to pay me it…

You don’t have a right to own his home .
he bought it all with his money and it’s his money buying the next home , for you to live in too !
it’s irrelevant if you decided to be a stay at home mum cook and clean and spend “small amounts” of money to make it look nice- you didn’t buy it .
you chose to do that and I’m sure he had to work to pay for his house , what did you expect him to do? Stay home and not pay the mortgage
get over yourself sorry . I live in housing association home and I’ve gutted and redone it nicely for years spending my month but I’m not going to turn round and expect a part if it to belong to me now
accept he hasn’t put your name on the house , you can ask him why, but maybe reconsider why someone who would like spend his life with you won’t put his name down .

Your partner is an ar$e

I would consider this financial abuse.

Get proper legal advice immediately!

You aren't being unreasonable at all. You are just wanting security for yourself and your children if the worst were to happen and you spilt, or even in the event of his death. As it stands, you are legally entitled to nothing and HE is being unreasonable.

Is he the father of all 4 children? If so I don't understand how childcare costs you too much to work full time but not him? Even if they are not his, once you moved in together and you lost any rights to benefits, surely that was him agreeing to also be somewhat financially responsible for the children in his home, and if not, wtf would ypu as a mother move in with him and put ypu and your children at risk of being homeless like that? This isn't a question of being married or not, I'm not married but everything dp and I have including the house, is legally 50/50. (Basically the house, we don't have any other assets 😂😂). If you weren't paying rent then why didn't you save that money/put it into a property for yourself?

Op have you been paying his mortgage? If you have been paying into the home (namely the mortgage repayments) surely you can prove your contribution. I would seek legal advice ASAP.

If you come out of your legal meeting entitled to nothing, I would genuinely look at setting yourself up in dependant of partner.

Good luck