Large house- you must have lots of children?

[MarmiteCoriander]

AIBU that people assume that if you have a 3 bed house and a small study- that you must have multiple children?

Currently renovating a derelict house for DH, myself and dog to live in. Yes, its much larger than than the 2 bed flat we lived in, but doesn't have acres of land! We have TTC 12 yrs, 3 losses and rounds of IVF, but people assume we must have lots of kids to have 'such a big' house!

Would you assume someone living in a 3 bed with small study had multiple children?

The thing I'm taking from this is rooms being called bedrooms when in fact they are just rooms to do what you need to do with them. Most people use them as bedrooms but they dont have to. You can put whatever you want on the room. I dint get why people are getting annoyed that some one keeps their things in their room. My nan used one room as a sewing room my granddad used another for his home brew. The6nezt door neighbours used their rooms as bedrooms. No one was wrong and everyone got what they wanted from their living space.

I wouldn't think anything of a couple in a 3 bed house really... but I do know a couple who paid £380,000 for a 5 bed newbuild in the midlands. A couple of years ago. They were 46.

They took a 20 year mortgage at 46 years old and put £120,000 pound down (the joint equity from their individual houses they had on their own - when they met at 43.)

They've now got a £260,000 mortgage they took out at 46.. The monthly mortgage payment runs into four figures (just under £1500 a month!!!) and they're paying it til they're 66!

They are constantly struggling, and struggle so badly they never buy any clothes or luxuries, they cut their own hair, mend clothes and never buy new, their one car is a 25 year old basic Ford car, they never buy make up or jewellery, and the house is bland because they have never bought anything for it as they have no spare money. They don't go out for meals or nights out, or on day trips or any holidays. They just don't do anything ...

All so they can say 'oooh we live in a £380,000 5-bed house....' A mortgage on a 5 bedroom house for a couple who are almost 50 seems crazy (no kids between them at all, so why a huge 5 bed? Especially when it's almost breaking them financially.) All they do is work full time and never buy anything else or go anywhere else. They could have pooled their joint equity(s) and got a little 1 bed cottage or flat with NO mortgage, and actually enjoyed their life...

DH and I live in a 5 bedroom, three bathroom, two sitting room house. He has also got a work space downstairs. Upstairs, we've got our bedroom, a 'dressing room' (believe me, it's not all fancy with backlighting and built in shelving, it's some rails of clothes and shoes), my study, a 'gym' (cross trainer and treadmill) and a guest room (we have family visiting regularly). We moved into this house with the intention of filling it with children. Sadly, that didn't happen. So in addition to that heartbreak, we should vacate the home that we love? The lovely house that's walking distance to the bus stop, close to my parents, where we have absolutely wonderful neighbours? Sorry, but that's not happening.

So many families struggling for housing and 2 people think they need a 4 bed plus 3 bathrooms! Before anyone says anything, no I wouldn’t legislate against it, but it seems very selfish to me.

I’m in that position, and “struggling families” had the option to buy my house when it was on the market. What do you suggest I should’ve done, only buy if the estate agent was sure no family wanted the house? Should I now move and live in a tiny apartment forever just so I’m not stealing a house from a more worthy parent? Get over yourself.

Damn it. I am now dreaming of 4 bed so I could have gym🙄

Looking at your neighbours on Instagram and judging their life choices and decor is unpleasant.

Such as children? You have 3 and I can’t even have 1. That’s so selfish and immoral of you. What about my needs?

I don’t have 3 kids, I have 1. Where did you get that impression?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4604194-to-not-move-for-a-mum-and-baby

Because you are saying that someone like me, who lost my only pregnancy, shouldn’t live in the house I own.

Me, DH and 2 😸😻 live in a big(ish) 4 bed.

I'd go bigger if we were to move.

I think you're right though, OP. People do make assumptions.

You know an awful lot about some people you don’t like.

Yes, because it seems that some people really resent people who don’t have children and don’t like them having nice things.

Rubbish @PriamFarrl i feel the same way about smaller families (like mine) living in enormous houses.

Ah, so you hoik up your judgy pants at all people you don’t deem worthy of the house they live in.

I do hope all these people who resent other people living in the houses they own will move house the moment their children move out.

I will actually, having seen what trying to hang on to an unsuitable 4 bedroom house did to my grandparents. I intend to move into a fancy city centre apartment with a lift the moment I turn 50.

So many families struggling for housing and 2 people think they need a 4 bed plus 3 bathrooms! Before anyone says anything, no I wouldn’t legislate against it, but it seems very selfish to me.
I dont understand this pov. Surely when a, say, 4 bedroom, house comes up for sale everyone e has the opportunity to put an offer in? Why would a family that is 'struggling' for housing not view and offer like everyone else?

@notacooldad Apparently they are but all the awful estate agents and buyers are prioritising selfish singles and couples for some unexplained reason.

Well you do that and enjoy it. Just don’t expect everyone else to do the same.

That's it exactly, @PriamFarrl . I run a daily gauntlet between being told that I'm 'soooo lucky' that we can't have children as it's such a miserable slog, to being told that my life will never be complete without them.

DH works regular 20 hour days, but was recently told by a family member that he can't possibly know what real tiredness is, because he's not a parent (and I know we'll never know and experience the relentlessness of being a parent, but it's still possible to be exhausted when not a parent). That actually really upset me, as it was delivered in such a scathing, dismissive way.

We unfortunately won't have children. We've come to terms with that, though it nearly broke us at one point. We won't give up our lovely family home. And it is a family home, despite what anyone else thinks. DH is my family, and this is our blissfully happy family home.

I thought it was ‘older, single women’ who we all know should be living in a bedsit and not enjoying life at all.

I wont.

My other nan moved into a bungalow when she was 50. Everyone said it was way too early, teased her for being an ‘old lady’ etc.

25 years later, it’s fantastic - she hasn’t had to worry about a move in later life, it’s perfectly set up for if she needs care, it feels like her home not just ‘somewhere to live her last days in’ as it has seen so many memories. Shes surrounded be neighbours shes known for years. She’s a very pragmatic woman though.

My other grandparents insisted on staying in their 4 bedroom two-story house until they were nearly 90. Their health deteriorated rapidly, mentally and physically, and they had to hurriedly deal with a house sale and move into a retirement flat. My granddad died several years later having spent a tough last few years getting his head around his ‘new’ surroundings, away from neighbours he knew etc. My gran still lives there, still gets confused about where she is and basically never adapted. It’s still hard on here.

notacooldad Apparently they are but all the awful estate agents and buyers are prioritising selfish singles and couples for some unexplained reason.
I'm not sure how all estate agents but my youngest son kept viewing houses and was finding he was out bid time and time again. However he viewed one house and a posh looking guy in a suit came to view next. He and his gf knew they were going to be out bid, and they were. However the lady selling thechiuse refused the guys offer. She found out he wanted it as a buy to let and have it as a multi occupancy. She accepted my sons iffer as she was sick of houses been used and thought it would be better to sell to a young couple rather than someone who would just cram as many people in as possible to make as much money as he could.
Fair play to her and her DH.

To sum up, apparently a person is only allowed to buy a multiple roomed house if they pop out a child to put in every room. They are entitled to fill every inch of that space with all the stuff that those children (that they presumably chose to have) need/want. Those children will probably have all manner of nice items bought for them to enrich their lives. Furniture, toys, sports equipment, technology, clothes, food, holidays, etc. They’ll need to be registered with doctors and dentists, they’ll need educating. Their parents might need to buy bigger cars, drive them around, etc. The children will consume throughout their childhoods, taking up resources, then grow up, possibly having more children, certainly needing another house and they will continue to consume.

But if someone choose not to have children or can’t have children, then they are not allowed to consume anything unnecessary and must live in a tiny house. Sounds fair.

That’s it. And those children won’t add to the lack of housing ever because children don’t buy houses.