Large house- you must have lots of children?

[MarmiteCoriander]

AIBU that people assume that if you have a 3 bed house and a small study- that you must have multiple children?

Currently renovating a derelict house for DH, myself and dog to live in. Yes, its much larger than than the 2 bed flat we lived in, but doesn't have acres of land! We have TTC 12 yrs, 3 losses and rounds of IVF, but people assume we must have lots of kids to have 'such a big' house!

Would you assume someone living in a 3 bed with small study had multiple children?

Well it isn’t because I’m equally as ‘judgey’ of people with children who do the same thing 🤷🏼‍♀️

Are people with 5 or 6 bedrooms generally turning the homes into refuges?

I don't understand how that's in anyway related to my post that you quoted? To answer your question though, I have no way of knowing the personal circumstances of everyone living in 5 to 6 bedroom houses and neither do you. I would say it's fairly likely at least some of them are hosting refugees and that's their choice.

When we first moved into our 3 bed house as a couple, we rented the spare room out to a friend for peppercorn rent, so that he could study and get on the housing ladder. Now we've decided we don't want another lodger at this stage in our lives. I don't need to live in anything but a bedsit, as I managed to do for 10 years. However, I now have a much better quality of life living in a house with space for hobbies and a garden, so that's how I choose to spend my money. Similarly, some people choose to have children so decide that they need more than one bedroom. Nothing to physically stop everyone living and sleeping in one room, but most people would agree it's nice for everyone to have a bit of space to themselves.

😂😂😂 way to miss the point! You really should stop digging now.

On another thread we're not even allowed nice picnic tables if a mother and her children want them. We're certainly not going to be able to have our first choice of house without families (with children) complaining about our selfishness.

The ‘point’ was made by PP, I was showing how ridiculous it is 😂

Which thread?!

Yes I would assume that. I don’t move in circles where people have enough money to have multiple spare rooms.

It feels like you’re more upset that you would like to fill those rooms with kids but haven’t yet been able to. I am sorry about that.

(Assuming the theoretical couple are of child bearing ages rather than retirees).

I am sorry for your loss, and I wouldn't have assumed anything from the amount of bedrooms that you have. I agree with other PPs that the amount of bedrooms is a red herring and I find it frustrating that homes aren't described by the amount of M², plus describing the layout. I have friends trying to downsize and the competition for a property smaller than the 4 bed detached that they own in the SE is fierce, to the point that the saving by downsizing is really almost that it's not worth doing , plus all the upheaval involved. At the end of the day whether you like it or not you pay your money and take your choice. And people with less money have less choice. In the private house purchase and rental market it's about what you want and can afford. One persons wants and needs don't trump another's. I cant ever imagine the government introducing restrictions on what you can buy being based upon family size. They'd all be royally screwed for starters.

A downstairs loo should be in every house!

I used to work with people having to go into care homes. They mostly couldn't go home from hospital because they were no longer fit to go up the stairs to the loo so had to be put in care because of the lack of downstairs loo/ space for a bed downstairs. If all houses were built like this then many many fewer elderly people would avoid going into care.

That would save all of us a fortune!

Loads of kids in a 3 bed house? Who thinks this?

Ignore my reply, I completely misread it and have reported. Apologies.

No, I have 6 bedrooms and 1 adult DC and 1 foster child living with me. Also 7 bedroom holiday home in France. I like space.

When we bought our home, we thought we might have children and wanted room to host guests. Over 15 years later, we never have had children and no longer have need of a guest room.

One room is a study/office for my husband when he wfh at least three days a week. The "bedrooms" are actually his & her studios/hobby rooms. I don't feel guilty for having a larger house than two people technically "need", and I have no idea if people passing by think we have children. We paid for this house, pay the taxes and upkeep, heating, do the extra cleaning it requires, etc. I persist in the belief that anyone who cares or thinks it's wrong is quite simply jealous.

I know it's none of my business, but I must admit I am irritated by people who live in vastly larger houses than they need. We (5 of us) live in a 2,500 square foot house with 4 beds, 2.5 baths, and we use every inch of the place! My in laws - two of them, child free, live in a 4,000 square foot house with a three-car garage and more storage room in their basement than there is in my entire house. It's crammed to the rafters with "stuff".

I think that's my irritation, actually. It's the conspicuous consumption. More space, more crap to fill it with. One poster said that she has a dressing room and a hobby room; another said her husband has two rooms of stuff for his hobby. I can't imagine living among so much "stuff".

No one needs you to imagine it though. We have those things because we want to, and because we can afford it. If you wouldn’t like it or want to have it that’s fine, no one said you had to.

I think that's my irritation, actually. It's the conspicuous consumption. More space, more crap to fill it with. One poster said that she has a dressing room and a hobby room; another said her husband has two rooms of stuff for his hobby. I can't imagine living among so much "stuff".
So your irritation is that people do things differently to you. Rooms for hobbies or a dressing room sounds like a good use of space and not just "stuff" for the sake of it. They are hardly hoarders!

😂😂😂 sorry but with over 200sqm I don't believe you fill every inch at 5 peope unless you are hoarders.
Talk about living with too much stuff😂

You are not in UK are you

I currently live alone in a two bathroom, three bedroom and two reception room house apart from my DP who visits and my cats. It’s not quite big enough for me. I’d like another two rooms. But it’s all I can afford. I fill it with plants and collectibles. I don’t give a fuck if other people think I only deserve a sad bedsit. Fuck ‘em.

Why shouldn't people have hobbies where the equipment / servicing of them takes up space? We live in a free society!

@YetAnotherSpartacus plants and cats totally count into number of habitants

We downsized a year ago to a 3 bed, the house we had before was a 5 bed, the family before us had 4 kids, we bought the biggest house we could afford incase we decided on more children, but we stuck with two. If it hadn’t been for my disability I don’t expect we would have moved.

No.

Nowadays to have a decent sized downstairs living/working/hobby space you need to have probably more bedrooms than you actually require for sleeping.

This thread is crazy! I love how ppl feel the have the moral high ground due to them having a family.

Personally we scrimped and saved for a long time to afford our house, postponing starting our family and getting married, in the process. As a result we are now struggling with fertility so the family hasnt quite worked out. But that was our choice to take that risk.

Does that make us bad ppl if we then dont downgrade to a pokey flat somewhere, all our sacrifices be dammed, and sell our house off cheep because someone else was fortunate enough to/ made the decision to have children first?

If you choose to start a family before securing the 'family home' then that is the risk you choose to take. You cant then blame others because it didnt work out how you thought it might. We all make our own path in life. Life isnt a bed of roses and it isnt fair - hell, we learn this stuff as children... or at least I thought we did!