Large house- you must have lots of children?

[MarmiteCoriander]

AIBU that people assume that if you have a 3 bed house and a small study- that you must have multiple children?

Currently renovating a derelict house for DH, myself and dog to live in. Yes, its much larger than than the 2 bed flat we lived in, but doesn't have acres of land! We have TTC 12 yrs, 3 losses and rounds of IVF, but people assume we must have lots of kids to have 'such a big' house!

Would you assume someone living in a 3 bed with small study had multiple children?

We have a 6 bed 4 bath property and a half acre of garden. 2 adult humans and a dog live in it full time. Not UK

The beds are spilt between 3 seperate units and house a mix of friends on holiday, friends who need somewhere to stay while they have renovations done and our elderly parents and relatives for long term visits. The rest is Airbnb'd when not given gratis to the aforementioned as we live in a tourist area.

We rented for 20 years so I kind of think this is our pay back and our pay forward to our parents who supported us through many years of school and uni and helped with debts.

It's not only children who need big houses.

I don’t think amassing anything vastly disproportionate to your needs, when there are others in need, is moral 🤷🏼‍♀️ it doesn’t make them a ‘bad person’, it’s more just a bit greedy and selfish. That’s my view.

That's like saying you shouldn't eat everyday because some people in the world don't have food. Surely the more logical thought process would be to eat rather than letting food go to waste, but also look for ways to help those who are in need? Contrary to what the news and social media tries to tell us, it's entirely possible to be ambitious and have wealth and not be an asshole!

I mean couples in 4/5 bedroom houses - there’s just no need for it. I see it as amassing for the sake of it. That’s my opinion

Ah, I get it now. It's a way to be shitty about people without children.

The majority of people on here do not live in a utilitarian society where we purchase strictly according to need. We also purchase according to what we want. I wanted a large detached house with enough space for a study and a walk in closet. I could afford it, so I bought one. It’s great.

You’re going to be hard pressed to find anyone that cares about whether you consider them to be moral or not in regards to what house they buy.

Well no because food isn’t ‘vastly disproportionate’ to our needs. And me forgoing food doesn’t mean that food will go to someone else. It’s more like the people that go to the ‘sale’ shelf and put all the meat into their trolley, knowing others are queueing for it - they’re allowed to do it, they’re paying for it, but I still think it’s a bit selfish 🤷🏼‍♀️

Then why is everyone so outraged about my (fairly inoffensive) opinion?

We don’t care we just disagree with you!

I wouldn't assume anything and definitely wouldn't describe a 3-bed house as large!

Me and my exDH had a beautiful 5-bed detached home, knocked through 2 rooms for a huge walk in dressing room and a shoes/accessories room, then had a spare room and a large study. (No kids and no plans to)

Me and DH have 2 kids, 4 bedrooms, large attic extension and then a separate property out the back to renovate.

What are these hobbies that take up 2 entire rooms? In our case, we have one room for pets that we've taken in from rescues (I know, some people will say pets are an extravagance and not necessary). My DP builds and paints models and I do various crafts, read books and paint which takes up a decent amount of space. Again, we don't technically need to do any of these hobbies, but we're not robots and like to have options to relax that don't just involve sitting watching TV on the sofa.

No I wouldnt. I know folk who live alone in 4 or even five bedroomed houses. Why shouldn't they.

It’s more like the people that go to the ‘sale’ shelf and put all the meat into their trolley, knowing others are queueing for it - they’re allowed to do it, they’re paying for it, but I still think it’s a bit selfish Again, you're making assumptions about people without knowing their circumstances. What if those 'greedy' people are buying the food a soup kitchen or for neighbours who are struggling financially and can't get to the shops?

We have four bedrooms. Bedroom one is a bedroom for DH and I. Bedroom two is DH’s study. He has a desk with a large computer and several monitors for his job (works in tech). His hobby, which is something musical that I don’t really understand, involves him having lots of synthesisers and other electronic music equipment. It takes up a bit of space. He also has three bookcases in there. Bedroom three is set up for my hobbies. I have a large desk for crafts, I paint, sew, crochet. I don’t work from home, but I do bring work home and I do it at the desk in there. My work often involves printing, cutting, sticking so the space is helpful. I also have a digital piano and lots of storage for craft materials in there. Bedroom 4 is a gym. It has storage for all of our outdoor equipment like boots, bags, helmets etc. We have a bike set up for indoor cycling, a cross trainer, weights, mats, etc.

We have loads of free time from not raising children, so we have a lot of hobbies…

I’m not ‘outraged’, just baffled that you think it’s fine to ascribe morality to the number of bedrooms a person can own based on your own arbitrary rules about how many extra humans they have created.

Food can quite easily be disproportionate to our needs. Most people in this country eat far more calories than they actually need. Arguably, if we consumed less, the residual food would be reduced for sale for those who might need it more? Kind of the same as your house argument…

I used to live alone in a four bed detached, double garage, downstairs study, three bathrooms. No intention of ever having children.

Just atop thinking in bedrooms think in rooms. Bar kitchen and bathroom all eooms can be whatever the hell people want/need. If someone wants/needs 2 bedrooms, living room, kitchen, gym and office, why couldn't they have it.

Again, people keep moaning about space, but keep talking about room numbers rather than actual space. Swear to god one 2 bed flat I lived in was probably same footage as my 3 bed house!

DH uses our box room as an office - we've had it in that use since we converted the attic over a decade ago. But I was never really able to use it for my hobby as there has always been so much on the desk - only to store items for various craft hobbies.

My hobbies are generally done at the kitchen table when the house is quiet. So I never get to do them anymore. Since Covid, when I had a decent sized desk put into the spare bedroom for WFH, I have been able to do some sewing and card making there in the evenings, and clear away afterwards. Which has been nice for me to finally do some again. I can't leave any projects out because I need the desk and DDog also interferes with them - but at least I now have space to do them.

I am eyeing up the attic (currently DD's combined bedroom and gym) for once she has left home, to be able to set up a proper table, storage, and workspace, to do lots of sewing and be able to close the door and leave things partly completed to get straight into next time I get 15 minutes. (Rather than 10 minutes to set everything up, at least 5/6 minutes to put it all away again, and only currently worthwhile starting if I have at least a half an hour free - which is much less frequent than I have a 15 minute slot).

I’m sorry for your losses op,

no I’d not assume that and don’t know anyone who would, in fact to the extent I’m surprised at the assumption. Plus it’s an average house.

Me and DH lived without children in our 4 bed with downstairs study for 8 years before having our son.

To me, it’s not amassing something that was disproportionate to our needs, it was future proofing our needs. We knew we wanted two children (currently pregnant with number two) and hoped it would happen which luckily for us it has.

Pre children, we had two guest rooms and a games room. Both our families are from
the same area (where we currently live) but most have moved to other places up and from the country and even out of the country. They use our house as a base to stay when they come ‘home’ and we are lucky enough to be able to facilitate this and are the only ones still here with space for guests.

Now of course, we have our bedroom, DS bedroom, nursery ready for DD and our games room is now a multipurpose guest room too.

Ideally, when we are able, we will move to a five bedroom but I don’t think it’s disproportionate to our needs and situation.

If we had purchased a 1/2 bed place 8 years ago, which I guess you would say was proportionate to our needs then, we would have had to pay stamp duty, legal fees, moving costs then and then again when either DS was born or now with DD on the way and knowing that was always the plan would seem like a waste of money to me….and money that isn’t as easy to comment these days with extortionate nursery fees for DS.

I wouldn't assume that and don't care either way but it does make me wonder if having way more rooms than you need will be frowned upon in time given the millenial generation's experience seems to have been nothing but economic suffering. Buy-to-let landlords are already hate figures for many people under 40, perhaps 'people who like their space' are the next logical targets after that.

As others have said, 3 bedrooms isn't a big house!

I wouldn't assume anything about how many children you had, but if I had to guess I would say 1 or maybe 2, not lots!

We have a 4 bedroom house and 2 kids - one for us, one for each kid, and a spare room for guests.

I meant to say that, ideally, each child would have their own bedroom. (I know that isn't always possible and there's nothing wrong with sharing, but I think in an ideal world every child would have their own room.)

No, it wouldn’t be because a lot of food is frozen or non perishables. And food will keep being made and replaced - housing is slowly increasing but nowhere near at the rate we need it to, and new houses are pretty shoddy.

Are people with 5 or 6 bedrooms generally turning the homes into refuges?

My kids have left home.
I am about to upside and go to a large 4 bed ( assuming sale doesnt fall through)
None of this diwnsuzind malaky for me just yet!

Quite.