Stupid shit people forgot to mention about parenting

[BlahBl4h]

Mine at the moment is just how many times you can be expected to watch the same fucking movie over and over and over and over.

I want to peel my eyes off.

Anyone?

DO not go on holiday with a two year old. I repeat, do not go on holiday with a two year old.

You will not be able to pee in peace. Or brush your teeth before midday with a newborn.

How as soon as they can move, there.is danger EVERYWHERE

the incessant ‘can I have, can I do, can you do, can we go, I want this, that, everything, now, not now, but you said I could, mummy, mummy, mummy, he said, she did, that’s my one, I don’t want it, it’s mine. On and on and on and on and on forever and ever and ever infinity. 😑

Having kids is like permanently having a drunk mate... you have to clear up puke in odd places, they do bizarre things and eat strange food combinations.

That the teenage years start way before 13. Wish someone had told me that one.

Yes, threenagers and fournagers do exist.

You have to think of 3 meals every single day for the fussiest being you could imagine

You will never get to sit down for the duration of a meal again. Fair enough I've got three aged 7 and under, but still - the minute I've sat down from getting one of them a drink, someone else spills something or needs a clean fork or wants ANOTHER BLOODY DRINK.

For at least a year, you won’t be able to drink a hot drink while it’s still hot.

People will give you endless stupid unwanted advice. It’s ok to fantasise about murdering them.

When you’ve changed and washed your baby/ toddler, dressed them nicely and are about to go out, that is a signal to them that they need to do a vast, smelly poo.

Toddlers are fucking savages!

Crumbs. Everywhere. All the time. Kids can’t even drink a glass of water without generating crumbs.

That moment when you realise the tune you’re bopping along to in your head is actually the Fireman Sam theme tune. Or worse, Paw Patrol.

Put a jug of water/milk/juice on the table?

No meal or snack belongs exclusively to me anymore.

You would think that would solve it wouldn't you? But there are five of us in this house and no two people like to drink the same thing.

🤣 love it!

P... P... P... P... P... Paw Patrol....

Just how much you waste. Food (“ I don’t like orange carrots… “), money (clothes they won’t wear, activities they don’t like), time (“ I just need to …”) and so on. My life is disappearing in front of my eyes hanging around and facilitating every one else. But I love them endlessly.

THIS still goes on in their TEENS…

Look at me! Watch! Mummy you're not looking! Look! Watch me! MUMMY LOOK AT ME.

The amount of shit you need with you, all the time. We'd just gotten down to one bag and reasonably quick exit from the house, then we had another one, then the eldest is potty training so all the spare clothes, youngest is now eating, so all the spare clothes and food. The eldest never stops eating, so all the snacks. I feel like I'm going on a two week holiday every time we leave the house.

On the movie thing, mine is at an age where he watches something, I end up getting into it then he wants to turn it off five bloody minutes before the end!

You will wonder, for the first time, if it's possible to die from Being Asked Questions.

Then you will wish that it was.

When parents of older teenage boys moan about food bills and licked their sons to a swarm of locusts don’t ignore them. Start a special savings account to fund the food bill in the future. DS17 eats over 6k of Calories daily. I know this because he is scientifically bulking up, rugby player, does PE Alevel so knows more about nutrition than me.