Stupid shit people forgot to mention about parenting

[BlahBl4h]

Mine at the moment is just how many times you can be expected to watch the same fucking movie over and over and over and over.

I want to peel my eyes off.

Anyone?

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

That 25 years after you were skint and owned exactly two Disney videos, you find yourself able to do the entire Lion King script from start to finish - with voices - when somebody decides to 'download the old version to see what that was like'


That stuff is embedded in there deeper than anything other than Away In a Manger (with the teacher correcting your reception class 'it's NIGH, not night!') and The Ink is Black, the Page is White.

[moistmingemist]

That life never goes back to "normal"

[Treabrea]

With your first, you can't manage to get ready or leave the house till lunchtime. With your second you've done the nursery run and a food shop by 9.15am.

The barber's queue works in a mysterious way that is known to all men. A man will have to tell you it's your small boys turn because you can't work out the system.

You'll have endless conversations about bodily functions, bums and genitals. Most "put it away" and "stop calling people a stinky poo bum"

[BlahBl4h]

That you are now basically just a walking snot rag.

There isn't a single item of my clothing that doesn't have someone elses snot streak on it somewhere.

[knickersniff]

and conversely, if you buy them nice soft snuggly pyjamas that will become their preferred daytime attire, but they will want to go to bed wearing their Ironman suit complete with hard plastic mask.

Yes 🤣🤣🤣

[felulageller]

You spend your life saying no and having your DC's see you as the baddy.

[shouldbesleepingnotscrolling]

@Sexdoesmatter

Dc: shall I tell you about blah blah Minecraft
Me: no
Dc: blah blah Minecraft Minecraft blah blah blah blah blah Minecraft blah..................

Haha this is all I hear at the moment!

[TheKipperAndTheCorpse]

Any kind of craft activity is insanity when they're small.

Spend 10 minutes setting it up, they spend 2 minutes doing it, you spend 10 minutes tidying it up. Double the setting up and tidying up time for each age below 4.

[Whoatealltheminieggs]

They do poos on trampolines and pee from the top of climbing frames onto the heads of others

[Em3425]

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

You have to think of 3 meals every single day for the fussiest being you could imagine

Yes! And that goes on for years and years! I was definitely not expecting this much cooking. 18 years x 3 meals a day = 19,710 meals

[excelledyourself]

@TheKipperAndTheCorpse

Any kind of craft activity is insanity when they're small.

Spend 10 minutes setting it up, they spend 2 minutes doing it, you spend 10 minutes tidying it up. Double the setting up and tidying up time for each age below 4.

Ah yes.

Do not buy, or allow anyone else to buy, Playmobil

[Teenagehorrorbag]

@Angrymum22

When parents of older teenage boys moan about food bills and licked their sons to a swarm of locusts don’t ignore them. Start a special savings account to fund the food bill in the future. DS17 eats over 6k of Calories daily. I know this because he is scientifically bulking up, rugby player, does PE Alevel so knows more about nutrition than me.

This is so true! DS is 14 and eats 12 million calories a day, mainly carbs. Potatoes, bread, yorkshires, pasta. rice, more potatoes etc etc! Talk about hollow legs!

As for the rest - I recommend having twins. They play together so you don't have to interact 24/7 or spend all morning being Kwazii.....

[BarnacleNora]

That anyone who said it would be easier when they can talk properly and that the ages of about 6-8 is a golden time tells VICIOUS, HORRIFYING LIES.
It's not golden, it's not easier, it's just an unending wall of sound. Just talk directed at me from sun up til they finally fall asleep and even then DS1 talks in his sleep so there's still no reprieve.
And the arguments. The stupid fucking pointless arguments over nothing that will never get resolved but they're going to fight to the death anyway.
Admittedly DS2 wasn't exactly planned to come along when he did but fuck me an 18 month age gap really does enhance all their individual....foibles into one huge mass of loud sticky determined excitable boy.

I'm fucking dreading puberty. I think I'm just going to get my salary paid directly to Sainsburys given how much they already consume in snacks.

[chubbachub]

That nobody has more on their to-do list than the 5 year old you have just told to go to sleep for the 15 millionth time.

And your 14 month old will never run faster than when you say "what's that in your mouth?!"

And that there will come a day when you have to decide between being angry or proud that your eldest punched another kid because he was sticking up for his friend.

Its just an emotional rollercoaster, for everyone, every day.

[Apollonia1]

@Canihaveacoffeepleasexx

“Mummy do you want to listen to me count to 500?”

This really made me laugh out loud!

[SkirridHill]

Head lice. 🤮

[MyLordWizardKing]

That beautiful name you picked out for you sweet little baby loses its lustre when you're angrily screeching it across a playground five years later.

[faithtrustandpixiedust]

That you will likely flash your pants to a room full of people when your toddler opens the cubicle door on you before your ready. Why do they put the locks at that height!?

[Quackpot]

You open your mouth and your mother comes out 🤣

[Pyewhacket]

Little boys are bonkers !.

[Changechangychange]

@Minster2012

How most of your conversations go "mummy..."
"Yes darling?"
"Mummy"
"Yes darling?"
"Mummy"
Get to the f ing point darling

God knows how many times I say that a day

Argh god this, and then DS often forgets what he was going to say (or more likely didn’t actually have anything to say), pauses for a minute, then starts again. SO. ANNOYING.

[Foronenightonly01]

@Sittingallthetime

The sibling arguments over nothing at all. "Muuuuuum! He's looking at me! Tell him to stop!"

Ahhh now @Sittingallthetime - you do initially think that but when they hit the teenage years you find yourself with the same problem “Don’t you look at me like that!”😳🙈….. I now realise what they were on about! Pleased to see many pointing out that, whilst the preteen stage is exhausting the actual teen stage is waaaay more emotionally draining and stressful. Oh to be able to put them to bed and know they were safe!!

[florianfortescue]

Every time you are about to eat your dinner your child will come hopping in with their pants round their ankles to tell you they've done a poo.

[MrsMoastyToasty]

That nobody tells you that if you take a nappy off a baby boy his ability to piss on his socks is spot on.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Starting sentences about people with "do you know...."

"Do you know Miss Brown?"
Yes (her teacher)
"She likes to watch Friends like you"

"Do you know Emily?"
Yes (her best mate)
"She told me her Nanna has a swimming pool"

"Do you know Jack?"
"Your brother? Yes, we are somewhat acquainted"
from her