Stupid shit people forgot to mention about parenting

[BlahBl4h]

Mine at the moment is just how many times you can be expected to watch the same fucking movie over and over and over and over.

I want to peel my eyes off.

Anyone?

Being mobile you thought was when they started to crawl/walk
Oh no, it’s when they have passed their driving test and bugger off alone in your car

The food wastage. So much food wastage. So many meals trialled that have ended up in the bin. I sometimes don’t know if I created a picky eater or if my DD was always that way inclined. She’s only 4 so I’m sure she’ll change over time but from the day we weaned until this very evening I’m at the end of my tether trying to get her to eat a meal !!

Sometimes you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and you’ll have someone’s toe up your nose or have to peel a sweaty forehead off your arm!

You'll find yourself becoming an expert on niche subjects such as minecraft, pokemon or warhammer. You might even decide to join in considering it abosorbs so much of your time/ attention/ money...

DS2 was talking to DM about pokemon and she suddenly realised she had half an idea of what he was talking about... she'd subconciously absorbed and retained it from DB 😂

Omg that last one. Yes. She learned to escape her cot and decided to stand next to me, lips pursed, eyes staring, leaning in, to wait for me to wake up so she could give me a kiss. Adorable, yet terrifying.

The CONSTANT questions

The fact that you will need double the space you currently have because of the amount of shit kids need/want

That you'll never enjoy mealtimes again. Ever.

“Mummy do you want to listen to me count to 500?”

That it never stops. Not when they are grown up. I am desperate for some time to myself and I have adult children and mid/late teens. there is always a drama. Always.

Getting shoes that fit.

Girls’ hair and hairstyles. (Didn’t have boys!)

Same here especially the 'mummy' 'mummy' 'mummy' ones.

If I have to watch one more episode of fucking Steve and bastard Maggie, I'm jumping into the TV and ramming that bird up his arse!!

Don't buy fancy clothes they hate them . Keep it simple and soft

DH and I have never quite recovered from the vicious argument because DS was looking out of DD’s window in the car. Both were strapped in car seats and not (quite) able to touch each other but, apparently, DS was looking the wrong way. They are 19 and 21 now and it’s family folklore.

My 3yo was doing this yesterday and chastised me for my tone when I finally lost my patience and snapped "what?!". I never found out what he actually wanted...

The number of phrases you never thought you'd say in your life, but have now become an important part of your daily vocabulary.

"Please don't hit your brother with a tractor"
"Stop sitting on the dog/cat/sibling/treacherously balanced cushion on the edge of the sofa"

And my personal favourite: "No, mummy isn't soft play", usually uttered after the cheer of "soooofffft plaaaay, chaaaaarge" 🤦‍♀️

Don't buy dummies . Just do not go there , great at the start awful when you have to take them away .

That you will condemn them to a life of misery if you dare give them a sibling- the amount of refereeing I do on a day to basis is one day going to lead me to the bottle (I'm teetotal) or drugs.

yep- give me a toddler anyway. I least I could put them to bed. I was going to be teetotal tonight, now I am having a gin.. My 18 year old is having a melt down. My 16 year old is managing to hog the entire house all by herself.

The 'mummy, mummy, mummy'... yes.

But also how much you will miss hearing 'mummy... I lub yooo' a hundred times a day

and conversely, if you buy them nice soft snuggly pyjamas that will become their preferred daytime attire, but they will want to go to bed wearing their Ironman suit complete with hard plastic mask.

And my personal favourite: "No, mummy isn't soft play"

LMAO* *yes, I never thought I the phrases “I am NOT your personal squish pillow” and “Mummy doesn’t want to be sniffed right now!” would ever fall from my lips, but hey ho 🤣

The high pitched mummmmmmmy, mummmmy, mummy or long drawn out 'muuuuuuuuuuuuuuum' a minute after I've left their room thinking they're (finally fucking) asleep.

That you'll still be doing it (hopefully) when your babies are adults but need a long supportive conversation with their parents sometimes. I've had this with both of my dc today - a busy work day for me plus lots of other life stuff going on. I still had to put that to the side to chat at length with my 19 and 22 year olds. God love them.

and conversely, if you buy them nice soft snuggly pyjamas that will become their preferred daytime attire, but they will want to go to bed wearing their Ironman suit complete with hard plastic mask.

😂😂

These all and ‘Please stop licking me’
Not sure if DD is human or dog at this point…