Actually, I don’t know, and I think perhaps you are being hopelessly naive to the level of manipulation the OP has become used to doling out as her god given right.
She has had two days to say one specific action and she either cannot or will not.
If she would just say, “I wanted them to make the bad feelings I don’t like experiencing go away.” That at least would be honest. She wanted to have complete control without any of the responsibility, but retaining the “but I’m ill” to enforce compliance. It is obviously the same dynamic as an addict- chronically immature, whatever technique is required to get all the attention, with the steroids of self pity mixed in.
Fundamentally she prioritized her illness ahead of her relationship with her child. She has absolutely no interest in having a relationship with her child, she wants to emotionally use her. Look how quickly she is prepared to walk away pretending to be sad.
OP is not prepared to put any effort at all into getting better… it’s all way too comfortable for her. She has no incentive to get better, and works very hard to make sure she never has one. Look how she got plastered and made a show of her whole family to punish them for “making” her go on holiday.
In the same way as adult children of alcoholics are encouraged to step away, I would encourage OP’s daughter to stay out of the toxicity.
and lastly. Just because OP feels she has veto rights to being the fragile one, does not mean her family have to be perfect. Her daughter is a person too, with limits, and failings and imperfections. OP has obviously broken the relationship- not by her illness, but by actively avoiding treatment, and emotionally sponging off her family for years.