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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bit of Filler... husband furious!

677 replies

Bonnie7 · 02/08/2022 22:37

Aibu?

Went for my 6 monthly Botox treat today and decided to have a tiny bit of filler in my lips.
They are currently swollen and look bigger than they will in a few days - but by no means a trout pout!
Well my husband and eldest child have gone absolutely mad at me. They can barely look at me!
They are furious!
I can't believe my appearance causes them so much anguish when they barely look at me in normal circs!
Said I look like I'm off TOWIE trying to be 20 and ridiculous...
Husband is really really cross. I feel like I'm 15 again!
I by the way, love it!
Just turned 50 and have 4 kids...

I just felt like looking after me and trying something new.
Aibu - it's up to me? My face, my choice?!?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Anotherusernamethisweek · 02/08/2022 23:19

@Tabitha005 there's no pre testing for Botox or lip fillers! The practitioner will take a medical history. That's it.

Busybeeble · 02/08/2022 23:21

saveforthat · 02/08/2022 23:18

I just think it's really sad that you consider having that done a treat. When I look at celebrities who have had this done, I always think they looked 100% better before. I don't know anyone in real life who would even consider it.

Yes, I agree. How desperately sad that this is considered self care and a treat

FlissyPaps · 02/08/2022 23:22

milkyaqua · 02/08/2022 23:13

The ingredients of lip filler do not include shit.

For real? Obviously. Have you not heard of the colloquial use of shit for stuff?

Let me rephrase that: You have had foreign substances injected into your lips. Which puff them up and just them out in an unnatural manner, unpleasant to the eyes of many, but beloved by those who embrace the trend.

Of course I’m aware of the colloquial use of shit😂

I will also rephrase. Lip fillers are not foreign substances. A foreign substance would reject, cause reactions. Lip fillers are made up of hyaluronic acid. Which is a natural substance already in the body. So please stop with this “full of shit” “foreign substances”. You obviously are not educated on the subject.

They may be unpleasant to the eyes of many, but is that anyone else’s business?

Tabitha005 · 02/08/2022 23:23

Anotherusernamethisweek · 02/08/2022 23:19

@Tabitha005 there's no pre testing for Botox or lip fillers! The practitioner will take a medical history. That's it.

WTF?! I did not know that! Madness. Most hairdressers I know wouldn't even do a colour without a patch test.

Dahliasandtea · 02/08/2022 23:23

sudden change triggers me. I thought it was just things in my environment…. Like furniture or gardening…. But apparently it’s also my husband’s appearance. So the other day my husband was on FaceTime with us (he works away) and I was thinking how gorgeous he looked, very like Chris Hemsworth and really really sexy. Then a few days later he sends me a picture of himself, having shaved his beard, left his moustache, but honestly he looked a bit like a 1970s paedophile…. It was a joke and all the men he worked with had done it…. It was harmless…. However, I don’t know quite what happened to me, because I found myself crying and calling him at work and basically telling him he had ruined our summer and I was so upset. I was yelling at him and telling him to not bother coming home if he looked like that.
about 20 mins later I calmed right down and apologised for totally ridiculous behaviour (luckily he laughed and even apologised for not thinking it might trigger me…. But in fairness I didn’t even know something like that would set me off so how could he) but during that 20 mins I couldn’t control my feelings behaviour or apparently, mouth. I was so ashamed afterwards.

its not ok them behaving like this but there might be something deeper going on. Maybe they are scared (despite being told differently) that you’ll stay that way (swollen and puffy)? And it feels odd looking at someone you love and their face is different… a mum or a wife’s face is v precious…. Yes it’s your face and your choice and YANBU but give them time. Your face will go down and either you like it or not…. If you don’t, don’t do it again. If you do…. Then yippee. They will get used to it and won’t even notice after a few days.

i have to say though… I probably would have discussed lip filler with my husband before doing it.

Busybeeble · 02/08/2022 23:24

They may be unpleasant to the eyes of many, but is that anyone else’s business?

It is i they have to look at it every day… hence the family’s reaction! 😂

Original poster
Bonnie7 · 02/08/2022 23:24

MrsMo21 · 02/08/2022 23:02

I’ve had my lips done. My DH wasn’t a massive fan but he likes me without make up, wet hair etc (bloody wierdo) never would he be furious though?! Mainly because he doesn’t own me and I’m an adult who can do as I please?

The massive overreaction is baffling to me - is he always so controlling/emotionally manipulative?

FWIW it doesn’t always look trouty and when done by the right person subtly can look nice. I always wonder why people are so judgemental of others choices on cosmetic procedures; not your body, not your problem.

Thankyou

OP posts:
namechanged221 · 02/08/2022 23:24

There was a really good programme on radio 4 today about regulating and adding warnings to cosmetic procedures such as this.
They actually sit very high up on the scale of risk and often go wrong.

RewildingAmbridge · 02/08/2022 23:25

@userxx I didn't say it did. I was referring to the trend in the area I live in for young women to have far more than just a bit of filler, and that that experience might bias my take on OPs situation.

threecupsofteaminimum · 02/08/2022 23:25

Ignore them, it'll go right down and you'll look fab in a few days, then tell them to fuck off when they tell you it looks great!

Good for you I say.

Original poster
Bonnie7 · 02/08/2022 23:26

FlissyPaps · 02/08/2022 23:10

You've had shit injected into your lips

The ingredients of lip filler do not include shit. They are a synthetic hyaluronic acid, which is already a substance found in the body.

If you personally don’t like them, don’t get them done. You won’t achieve anything telling the OP they’re shit…. She obviously likes them and wanted them.

Thankyou Flissy
Not "shit" at all. I go to a well established and really professional Dr!
I love my lips! I feel very happy with them x

OP posts:
royly · 02/08/2022 23:27

I think it's a little harsh to tell a 12 yr old to fuck off!!

KatiefromHull · 02/08/2022 23:27

I bet you look lovely and hope all the negativity isn’t upsetting. Your lips (and face in general) can lose volume as you get older so a bit of filler can make you look rejuvenated I find.

I don’t see Botox / filler as any different as using make-up or hair style. So I wouldn’t discuss it with my husband and wouldn’t expect him to discuss such changes with me.

I think your DH is bu and the pp relating this to a random face tattoo sounds like a nob

threecupsofteaminimum · 02/08/2022 23:29

Oh yes just the husband, I forgot about the 12 year old sorry

royly · 02/08/2022 23:29

@Dahliasandtea when my dad shaved off his tache when I young apparently I cried & wouldn't go near him.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/08/2022 23:30

He is fuming for the same reason a certain type of man hates his OH losing weight or getting a new hair cut or trying a different style of clothes.....because it means that he actually starts to notice her again after years of taking her for granted, and has realised that other men will notice her too.

Its his insecurities about punching above his weight and nothing to do with your fillers.

Letussee · 02/08/2022 23:30

im just amazed by how many kids you must have had in your 40s! (Given you are 50. Have four, with eldest aged 12!)

Original poster
Bonnie7 · 02/08/2022 23:31

Anotherusernamethisweek · 02/08/2022 23:19

@Tabitha005 there's no pre testing for Botox or lip fillers! The practitioner will take a medical history. That's it.

Also, I have gone to this practitioner for years. They are also a qualified GP

OP posts:
Tasmanium · 02/08/2022 23:32

Bonnie7 · 02/08/2022 22:56

My kids are 12 and under. It's only the eldest who is cross... probably because his dad is.
The others have zero idea anything or different.
I'm just trying to navigate wether to apologise to my husband or stand up for myself.
Interested to get peoples opinions wether I've done wrong doing something to myself without asking husbands opinion???

Show quote history

@Bonnie7 it’s your body, it’s your choice but if your husband was bald and started wearing a toupee, even a very tasteful one but one that was obvious to anyone who knows him- how would you feel? He’s acting pretty entitled, that’s out of order. However if he did something like that I suspect you might think a little less of him, if say he got a piercing in his nose even.

FIWIW, and I’m not saying this to be cruel because it’s possible you’re right and it looks fabulous on you, but I have had to lie to SO MANY WOMEN about how good, and pretty, and subtle and not obvious their lip filler or Botox was. But if it’s a face I know I genuinely find it aesthetically horrific, pretty much every time especially filler or Botox around the mouth. They think it’s subtle, but to everyone else it’s so obvious, it often gives them a snarl in their lip or a trout pout or just throws the balance of their features off, and honestly it screams insecurity to me. I used to try to be gently honest, but I think they thought I was jealous or just trying to encourage them by saying they are lovely as they are. I truly find it difficult to look at though, so I would listen to your nearest and dearest even if they are being rude. Don’t apologise, it’s your face, but maybe accept it was a genuine response and don’t fill your face again.

Boob lift is different, almost certainly not worth the risk either but it does sort of tell me it’s not that your husband is not trying to stop you from looking as hot as you want to look. He’s being honest that he really doesn’t think the filler looks good.

Bubblebubblebah · 02/08/2022 23:32

I like the "yor body your choice" until it comes to beards 😁

On a serious note. I would and am considering boob lift in a future but would never go near fillers. Odd? Probably

FlissyPaps · 02/08/2022 23:32

Tabitha005 · 02/08/2022 23:23

WTF?! I did not know that! Madness. Most hairdressers I know wouldn't even do a colour without a patch test.

Show quote history

Fillers don’t require patch tests. There is an incredibly small risk of reaction due to the fillers only containing natural sugars (hyaluronic acid).

Whereas with hair dyes, they contain PPD which has potential toxicity and can cause mild irritation to sever reaction.

Housenoob · 02/08/2022 23:33

royly · 02/08/2022 23:18

Those that are saying all lip filler jobs are trouty and awful, that's just because those are the ones you notice who have had them pumped up repeatedly with over 1ml.

How come celebs with all their money & access can never get the natural look?

Because the likes of the towie/love island crew don't want the natural look! These people WANT to look like a blow up doll. It's the same with teeth, they all want the fake square 'turkey teeth' look, not a natural looking smile.

youlightupmyday · 02/08/2022 23:34

Of my partner had this done, I'd be furious too

Closetbeanmuncher · 02/08/2022 23:34

Double standards?

Absolutely…so he’s up for anything that presents a “benefit” to him, but not something you choose to do to your face with your money that’s entirely for your benefit!!?

The pair of them need to wind their necks in.

Theluggage15 · 02/08/2022 23:34

Fillers look awful when first done, (and sometimes afterwards) I’m not surprised they were shocked.

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