Bit of Filler... husband furious!

[Bonnie7]

Aibu?

Went for my 6 monthly Botox treat today and decided to have a tiny bit of filler in my lips.
They are currently swollen and look bigger than they will in a few days - but by no means a trout pout!
Well my husband and eldest child have gone absolutely mad at me. They can barely look at me!
They are furious!
I can't believe my appearance causes them so much anguish when they barely look at me in normal circs!
Said I look like I'm off TOWIE trying to be 20 and ridiculous...
Husband is really really cross. I feel like I'm 15 again!
I by the way, love it!
Just turned 50 and have 4 kids...

I just felt like looking after me and trying something new.
Aibu - it's up to me? My face, my choice?!?

do whatever you want to your face. I'd be unimpressed if my dh did it but wouldn't be furious, angry and absolutely mad as you described. More disappointed.

But you seem curiously uncaring of your 12 year old's reaction. Doesn't that make you think you need to talk to them or rethink you attitude to presenting them with a changed face or I don't know, just like explain and talk instead of complaining about the 12 year old not kissing you or being angry. Don't you think it might be more important to forget your face and see what the 12 year old is reacting to?

And yeah, well done having four when starting at 38.

That’s a really nasty comment and disproportionate to a discussion about lip fillers

Unfortunately I have for many years an abusive one at that and since then I have sworn that nobody will dictate to me what I can and can’t do with my own body 😊

So we should all not do something just because our partners/husbands won’t like the appearance of it or don’t approve of it? To me that’s really sad, and shallow.

The OP is talking about Botox and a small amount of lip filler administered by a registered doctor. Nothing shocking. No face transplants. A doctor would not allow a patient to walk out of their clinic with an overfilled “duck/trout” look.

Agreed, I would usually absolutely hate to discourage anyone from doing something which they felt gave them little boost, or a big boost, of confidence. I’m not snobbish about tattoos, or implants or even extreme styling/grooming, it’s usually a matter of taste and preferred aesthetic. Botox can be great when done correctly (just never around the mouth imho).

However I have seen many a lovely face, and even an average face, ruined by this path. It’s so much more extreme than they can perceive, and the more they get used to it, the more they get done. Anyone I know who does filler, looks down their noses at people who “over do it” they literally can’t see that they look every bit as odd, or are on a non-stop train to “oddsville”. I honestly think if they could see what everyone else can see they would hate it. They just can’t seem to see it though.

can you inject me with some of your energy please?! 😆

I'm not a fan of lip fillers at all, sorry. Every time someone insists that theirs look "totally natural", they never do. The area around the lips always looks thickened and a bit odd.

When you don't know the person, it's less jarring. But as a PP said, when it's someone close to you, or a face you're familiar with, the effect can be a bit of a shock.

I think if DP suddenly rocked up at home having had some fillers injected into his lips, I wouldn't be impressed. Everyone ultimately has body autonomy and it's up to you what you want to do. But in a long term relationship it's totally normal for a partner to have a preference over your appearance. And although you might not think so, lip fillers are quite a striking change especially when they've just been done. That doesn't mean they get to dictate what you look like, but having a preference is normal.

Yes, modern fillers are pretty safe but they're not totally without risk even in the hands of an experienced practitioner. A single slip or bad reaction can leave your lips permanently wonky, lumpy or worse. I don't understand why anyone would risk this - or why they want to look like every other female celebrity. Pumped up lips - to a lesser or greater degree - impossibly smooth foreheads and expressionless faces. It's like a succession of factory-produced similes. And that goes for the men as well as the women.

Absolutely your body, your choice. But your DH is entitled to find it unattractive - I guess the question is, what would you do if your DH changed his appearance in a way that you really, really didn't like and that he couldn't instantly rectify? Would you be happy about it, even though you hated it but he insisted that he loved his new look? Would you be OK with the fact he changed his physical appearance to something that you really don't like without talking it over with you first? Would you be happy that he did something that carries some risk of permanent damage without talking to you first?

I don't know what your relationship dynamic is. No one should have control over another person's body but personally, I'd talk to my DP before doing something like this. When your lips settle down he'll probably get over it.

Why are people giving her such grief, sounds jealous to me or else why would you be soo angry. Why is one woman stating 'nearly been in a serious relationship to another poster for stating her body her choice'..Do you have to ask for permission to go to the toilet also or to put on lipstick.

.Do you have to ask for permission to go to the toilet

Err, how is that remotely the same 😆😆

I get the your body your choice, but from personal experience, my mum went and got a face lift and it wasn't the best job, pulled too tight and it was just weird to look at. It just didn't look like my mum anymore and was really disconcerting.
None of us said anything to her as it was her choice. but we wish she hadn't done it, she just looked strange.

I could imagine being peeved if DH came home and had had cosmetic surgery without discussion, but not my Mom. Your 12 to needs to understand they get zero say over what you do with your money and your body. DH does too but as I like him being sexually attracted to me, it is something we'd discuss.

Maybe you should do some research. (1) Not all lip fillers are based on hyaluronic acid and (2) The ones that are use synthetic HA.

Your body, your choice but if DH came home with those silly lips I’d wonder what has gone on in his head and would think there a serious problem as our values would not be aligned. Similarly if any of my kids came home with this I’d respect their body, their choice but seriously wonder where I’d gone wrong.

Oh I so hope the trend for turning yourself into a caricature is over by the time my kids are old enough to choose to do it🤞🙈

0.5ml isn’t much at all especially when the initial swelling goes down! As long as it’s carried out by a trained professional there’s absolutely no issue with having a little filler/tweak here and there!!! As long as you are happy forget what everyone else says!! I remember telling colleagues I was getting my first lot of filler a couple of years ago (I went straight for 1ml and loved it) they all called me a duck for days yet once I had it done they all shut up and told me how great they looked! X

Honestly I was just trying to assess if I had done something wrong!
Happy marriage for many years and been through many issues , had kids late etc
We have a really great life.
BUT
I wanted to ask if I was wrong to have an enhancement that I really wanted if my husband disagreed?
I love it.
He doesn't

Lip fillers do not always look like "trout pouts" or "comedy lips".

You do realise there are differing techniques and different amounts you can have done? 0.5 put in properly isn't going to make much of a different, will plump slightly, but still look natural.

Usually those horrible lips you see have been badly done or overdone.

Please name me a brand of filler (UK) that includes toxic ingredients and/or foreign bodies…?

Tell them to calm the fuck down as you dont need their permission

Big difference between these.... And full on massive fillers.

Your 12 to needs to understand they get zero say over what you do with your money and your body.

Of course. but the 12 year old's mother needs to understand that coming home looking fairly different will provoke a response in a 12 year old and it would be nice to think the answer to that would be something more nuanced and thoughtful than " my money my body"

I'm honestly amazed at the number of posters who are lumping the 12 year old child in with the dh in terms of they should be treated the same. bizarre.

I get my lips filled now and again. It's not a matter of 'wanting to be 20 again' It's because I have thin lips and look a lot better, healthier and just overall better when they're a bit fuller.

Nobody can ever tell I've had it done, but I get a lot of 'ooh you look nice' es when I have, people asking if I've done something different with my make up or such.

Sod him, he'll get over it.

Fucking hell! Leave me alone. It appears you need a dictionary to explain the meaning of every single word - and even then you twist it.

You're the one forcing words like "toxic" and "foreign bodies" into the mix.

Here is my original offending post:

You've had shit injected into your lips and if even your kids who are adult and exposed to this trend all around them think you look like a twit, then it is probably not the enhancement you imagine.

I stand by it.

@FlissyPaps A doctor would not allow a patient to walk out of their clinic with an overfilled “duck/trout” look.

Thats completely incorrect. While you may have people with medical registrations doing these procedures, it’s pretty much an unregulated industry or someone has a meaningless certificate from a one day course they happily sprout as qualifications. It’s not a specialty, any old Joe can call themselves a cosmetic surgeon (as opposed to a plastics surgeon) and there are MANY cowboys out there who wouldn’t have made it into any specialty capable of decent bucks because of lack of skill/drive and can’t believe their luck at hitting paydirt with this stuff.