Bohemian, "lefty" free range middle class parenting really just lazy neglectful parenting jazzed up?

[Naturelover5]

In my three dc's classes we have some of these bohemian, creative lefty parents.. The children are unkempt, scruffy, hair undone & dressed without fail in mismatched clothes... Some of the children have very questionable manners & are either running amock or with their heads glued to screens constantly (as seen on holiday recently, loud obnoxious parents quaffing seccy while the kids were largely ignored).. If council estate kids were dirty, scruffy & looked uncared for social services would be called.. For this particular group (& they are everywhere) the barefoot, scruffy kids are seen as badges of honour..
The lefty parent types are also very anti homework & organised activities outside school as they think kids should be kids however aibu to think they are just lazy & couldn't be arsed putting the effort in?!

Let me tell you a story @Naturelover5 (what an oxymoron your name is). I took my boy to A&E when some bastard knocked him off his bike. He was probably about 14. He had shoulder length hair and was wearing cut off shorts, a heavy metal tshirt and no shoes - it was summer.

Waiting for X ray an old man on a trolley looked him up and down and sneered. I could see what he was thinking, it was written all over his face. My son was called to go and he turned to the old guy and said “Would you like to go first?”. Never have I seen such embarrassment and never have I ever been so proud of him.

I imagine you’d have sneered at my boy and my parenting too @Naturelover5.

This is definitely true to an extent. However, behind the superficial scruffiness and casualness the mc parents usually are making an effort with their dc (contrary to what the OP said) by giving them the cultural capital and help to succeed (including with their homework, whether the parents agree with in principle or not).

Indeed. And in fact the "superficial scruffiness" is not neglect in most cases. It's a studied kind of scruffiness which is a deliberate class marker. Children being too "primped" as my mother used to say is regarded as being dreadfully lower middle class.

In the town where I grew up affluent people went out of their way to look as scruffy as possible because they thought it made them look intellectuals. Dressing smartly, let alone glamorously, was thought to be a bit vulgar and common. It's a very stealthy way of looking down on people on behalf of people who claim not to look down on anyone because it is a) almost undetectable and b) plausibly deniable.

Also these parents may not be spending much on clothes but you can be damn sure they will be spending that money liberally on piano lessons, coaching, expensive holidays in the quieter parts of the Greek islands etc.

Those dastardly lefties 😂😂😂😂😂🙄

How do you know how they vote?

Suetwo: clearly you have confused ideas about education. Poor teaching is poor teaching, so your Romeo/Juliet story is simply that. If you want to understand comparative educational methods, simply look at OECD's PISA study and you'll see how poorly the UK does compared to, say, Finland. Has nothing to do with 'conservative' valuestake France, for instancenotoriously one of the most 'conservative' educational systems, where teachers treat pupils with methods akin to child abuse, and the kids regularly cheat and detest learning.

No one, at least no professional is calling ss for mismatched clothes or unbrushed hair.

Barefeet is good for feet.

I really don't think this stuff is affected in lots of people. Yeah, they don't spend money on clothes and instead spend it on holidays and activities. They don't care much about how their kids look because their kids are bought up in areas where they won't get accused of neglect or stopped by the police. Also their friends and people in their social circles are more likely to judge them on their jobs and politics and choice of books than what they're wearing, so there's no point putting effort into it.

But it's not because they deliberately want to signify their class or look intellectual. Its just not a priority, for various reasons, some of which are class based.

unbrushed hair.

To what extent? Unbrushed hair can become matted, and there's the issue that the child might feel ashamed of their hair but not able to brush it out properly themselves. It can absolutely be a sign of neglect.

Oh for goodness sake,I hate it when people are labelled 'lefty' just because they seem a bit unorthodox. Each to their own!

I'd feel sorryy for a child being taken in to school with scruffy, unbrushed, tangled hair, it shows the parent doesn't give a shit tbh. I guess long filthy nails with dirt underneath then every day is fine too.

Lol at people rushing to say they're probs right wing. IME it's more the lefties that go in for all this pseudo vegan, boho nonsense.

@DarkShade

You're right that for a lot of people its subconscious but I think for some people it definitely is an affectation.

My mum was a classic example: she "married up" in the sense that my father was very successful professionally and she didn't finish university and never worked after having children and she was desperately chippy about this. We moved to a very upper middle class area and she was very socially anxious and, having come from an aspirational and very respectable working class background, was desperate to fake it amongst intellectuals and professionals. She studied this behaviour and made a career out of aping it.

Also for all their "unstudiedness" there is a lot of stealth snobbery among these people and some serious hypocrisy. A lot of them have outward poses which are very pro social democrat but they curate their social circles and those of their children pretty ruthlessly to exclude any that don't quite fit.

Don't get me wrong I think there's a lot of horrendous stereotyping and bigotry on this thread and some nasty comments. But having grown up in this there's definitely some truth in it.

The children have MISMATCHED CLOTHES. You’re right, what lazy parents, SHAME on them.

You do realise that only a very small proportion of kids in the UK sit the 11+ ,?

I've seen the same in places

So these right wing and left wing camp sites actually exist.
Greatblueheron can you enlighten us as to how the camps notify prospective campers which campsite is which?
Presumably the two camps are quite far apart and divided by a river lest fighting breaks out between the right wing and left wing campers?

You sound lovely and not at all judgmental 🤣

Judgemental? Why don't you concentrate on your own parenting and stop making ill-informed comments about others ? How do you know so much about these children, their parents lifestyles or political allegiances?

Can’t lie, this made me laugh.

In the town where I grew up affluent people went out of their way to look as scruffy as possible because they thought it made them look intellectuals. Dressing smartly, let alone glamorously, was thought to be a bit vulgar and common. It's a very stealthy way of looking down on people on behalf of people who claim not to look down on anyone because it is a) almost undetectable and b) plausibly deniable.

Can you give us any idea of where this town was? I travel all around the country for my job and have never met a town where everyone shares the same sentiment.

Lived on a fairly elite private drive for about ten years growing up (all houses well into the millions) and even there you had your immaculately dressed police official, fairly casual guy who worked at IBM, laddish guy who owned a construction company and always wore casual designer stuff, etc.

Can’t lie, this made me laugh.

😂😂😂😂

@YesJess

Can you give us any idea of where this town was? I travel all around the country for my job and have never met a town where everyone shares the same sentiment.

It's one of the big university towns. Obviously its not all people in this town (and nor did I say that), its a certain upper middle class enclave. A variation on the theme can also be observed in large parts of North London and probably other major UK cities.

Anyone else who's grown up in this world will recognise the syndrome.

Bravo! I laugh-snorted coffee everywhere 😂😂

Hmmm. This poses me with an interesting dilemma. Am I one of these parents? We don’t do homework (at primary) but we are self employed and teaching work life balance. DC’s don’t always have matching clothes but they are always clean, if a little disheveled from playing barefoot in the wilds of Wales. In terms of jobs, DH and I are firmly MC but we do insist on good manners and politeness. Am going to have to go away and consider my politics…

There's a trend amongst some boho celebrities now of not using soap or washing their hair 😬