Bohemian, "lefty" free range middle class parenting really just lazy neglectful parenting jazzed up?

[Naturelover5]

In my three dc's classes we have some of these bohemian, creative lefty parents.. The children are unkempt, scruffy, hair undone & dressed without fail in mismatched clothes... Some of the children have very questionable manners & are either running amock or with their heads glued to screens constantly (as seen on holiday recently, loud obnoxious parents quaffing seccy while the kids were largely ignored).. If council estate kids were dirty, scruffy & looked uncared for social services would be called.. For this particular group (& they are everywhere) the barefoot, scruffy kids are seen as badges of honour..
The lefty parent types are also very anti homework & organised activities outside school as they think kids should be kids however aibu to think they are just lazy & couldn't be arsed putting the effort in?!

@SnackSizeRaisin

any decent parent would put holidays and music lessons over dressing children in expensive clothes

Well but this is where class values come into play. Fundamentally I agree with you because I come from a very middle class background and I think these things are more important both intrinsically and in terms of social capital but a lot of people wouldn’t share that view.

As someone else said upthread it’s something of a luxury not to have to worry about whether your children are dressed smartly because in some areas not being dressed smartly would suggest they are members of an underclass.

So it’s more complicated and subjective than you make it sound.

Long hair on a boy doesn't = "gender queer"! It might mean their parents think gender ideology is bullshit and let them look how they wish.

It's a tick-list
• sling ✅
• co-sleep ✅ ❎✅
• extended bf ✅ and ❎❎
• PlayCentre ❓
• Vegan/Vegetarian ❎
• Filthy house ✅ 😞
• Judgemental AF about everyone else ❎
• Whingy brat kids ✅ who never get told off ❎

I think we are all a bit of a lot of things, and these are just lazy stereotypes.

this is a vey wise post.

I'm old, I went to secondary school in the 1970s. 35 years later I met up with a class mate whose parents I had known well. By then that particular classmate was transgender, had a horrible history of mutually abusive and violent relationships, had multiple addictions and was under long term psychiatric care.

The only thing she told me that made me gasp out loud saying 'oh your poor parents ' was when she told me her sister had joined the Tory party. Not because I thought that was worse than her situation but because I knew it was the antithesis of everything her parents stood for.

sling - wouldn't stay in it
co-sleep - yep
extended bf - yep
PlayCentre -dunno what that means
Vegan/Vegetarian - vegan
Filthy house - er, no, fuck off
Judgemental AF about everyone else - fucking no, you sound like the judgemental one to me
Whingy brat kids who never get told off - absolutely not

Hence why I think this whole thing is bullshit. People like you looking at surface stuff about my life and thinking you know my politics, that my child is badly raised. Someone meeting me might well think I am "bohemian" in the terms of this thread, I'm culturally middle class (by the real standards where I own that teacher parents make me middle class, not the ones where people act like you have to be flying to the Caribbean and own two properties to be middle class) I am certainly left wing, but I don't acknowledge that the rest of it ties together at all, it's just mudslinging.

@Watchthesunrise It's so strange. I don't know anyone like this. We have the Steiner people, but they are not eco as they tend to drive SUVs and holiday abroad. They are middle class and they definitely have a 'style' which is wool and cotton fabrics, but that is something to do with the school's beliefs. They don't approve of screens because that's something to do with Ahriman, who is bad news, I gather. We have middle class, but the kids are usually well mannered and neat, if not fashionable. We have the working class, whose kids seem just as well mannered and neat to me. Then we have people who are troubled, usually unemployed with drink/drugs in the mix. Their children run amok in the summer hols in the evenings -smashing up bus stops, writing obscene graffiti, bullying younger children if they are walking home or in the park. These troubled kids do wear fairly matching clothes and quite nice trainers, though. No idea what anyone votes.

I know a social worker and she once told me a parent was reported because their child was wearing odd socks! I'd like to think that doesn't happen often though!

(Just to add, no names given - it was mentioned due to the absurdity of it).

As someone else said upthread it’s something of a luxury not to have to worry about whether your children are dressed smartly because in some areas not being dressed smartly would suggest they are members of an underclass.

Whether or not that's true, it's not an argument for the middle classes dressing their children more smartly. It's an argument for not using clothes as a means of judging people.

Long hair on a boy doesn't = "gender queer"! It might mean their parents think gender ideology is bullshit and let them look how they wish.

If your kid said to you that he wanted shaved sides and spikey on top you would die. Admit it.

I'm not sure the parents are making any claims in this scenario are they? It's you that are claiming they are using thus "creative, free range parenting" as an excuse for neglect.

Having kids with long hair and mismatched clothes isn't neglect.

You're just showing off your own resentment about them, it comes across as horribly judgy. Isn't this just an excuse to look down on people with different values to you?

I hate this sort of shite, even dressed up as a kind of class war.

One day ( a bad day) my kids will be in groomed, mis matched, barefoot and Amok.

The next (a good day) well groomed, matching clothes, shoes on and well behaved.

Usually somewhere in the middle.

Im not middle class though so should probably be careful

I'm going to spend the evening bleaching the house and pairing the socks just in case somebody reports me

@garlictwist lived in Hebden for years and have a vegan kid partly raised there...he loves screens though....I don't see why superficial stuff like his hair and diet mean that I am any more prescriptive about his personality than a parent who makes different choices or whose child makes choices that look more normal to you.

@Watchthesunrise my son's hair is long because he wants long hair, not because he's bloody transgender.

Some of it is kids developing their own tastes and being given the freedom to do so. Last summer DGS (I parent him) wanted a 'skin fade' haircut. I hated it but it was what he wanted. Since then he has become a keen BMXer and wanting the long locks to match. I love it even though to others I'm aware it looks scruffy. He trains for 2 hours plus 3 x a week, I take him down the track most days in between so he has a full face helmet on his head for at least an hour most days meaning his hair is sweaty and his body dusty for most of everyday (obviously he gets cleaned up every day). But I do not care what other people think because he is happy, fit and pursuing his passion. He is 7 and I also insist he reads every day and this summer I have set a target for him to learn his tables so we are doing a bit everyday. We are not lazy. I am left wing in my views and DGS does present as you describe.

I’m not saying it’s an argument for the MC dressing their children more smartly and I agree with you that people shouldn’t judge one another on their clothes.

And for the record I find the OP’s outlook pretty repellent.

But it is definitely an observable phenomenon that a particular kind of scruffiness in a certain type of MC family which wouldn’t be tolerated in a WC family..

I know, right?

I'm imagining a load of Miniature people dressed like Helena Bonham Carter on an off day.

Of course if you see a child actually being neglected report them, whether their parents are seccy quaffers of Stella Artois sluggers

You'd be surprised at the amount of cocaine they shove up their noses too... Absolute right wing Tory parents who think they have embraced a new way of life 🙄 Yawn.

Lefties indeed!

Yeah I somehow don’t think she’s in deepest Belgravia.

Well for a start, we wouldn’t ever stoop to drinking crappy Prosecco… so I suspect you’re slagging off the wrong demographic, hun.

We? 🤣

Off to bed - in a house! Shocker.

You may ask how I know these things? It's because I know these people. I am a remnant of the late 80's crusty era. I don't wear shoes, my hair is matted to fuck. Gorillas are jealous of the state of my feet 🤣 yet I am now considered cool.

My children are grown, but had the same freedoms, minus the prosecco and cocaine for me.
Tory Bohemia is the worst. People that can afford to buy a boat to visit on odd weekends but really don't like it as it's too small and the kids do their heads in. Same re a tent, or indeed a caravan.
We must also buy some land in Wales! 🙄🙄💤

I'm still not 100% clear what mismatched clothes actually are.

Is it two different patterns? Colours not sanctioned by The Big Book Of Colours That Go Together? A bow tie with a t-shirt? A dinner jacket with wellies?

I know one person who meets most of your criteria, but she's an ardent tory.

My children are frequently scruffily dressed, my house is sometimes untidy and I don't believe in homework. I'm pretty left wing too. Do I qualify? Sadly, my children are lovely, always get excellent school reports, behave very well, and are disappointingly conformist.

I know exactly what you mean OP!