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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding Shamed by my DP

359 replies

Lullabies2Paralyze · 02/08/2022 15:38

On holiday with our 4 month old breastfed son.
was in a pub garden having lunch and while waiting for our food I started to feed baby.

my partner said “cover him up” and I asked why (as I never do, don’t use a weird shawl thing but I wear baggy tops and just lift them up).

his reasoning was we were in a “restaurant” and there were other people. I ignored him and carried on feeding the way I do (pointing out he’s a baby not a 10 year old child so it shouldn’t be weird for people!)

I don’t have my tits out on display while doing it and personally I think covering my baby draws more attention to what I was doing.

who was being unreasonable?

YABU - you shouldn’t breastfeed in public places without using a breastfeeding cover

YANBU - it’s perfectly natural, your DP can go do one and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it

OP posts:
RedRobyn2021 · 02/08/2022 18:29

@GiltEdges no you couldn't argue that. That is stupid. Breastfeeding is protected. You can breastfeed wherever you like.

Wetblanket78 · 02/08/2022 18:30

😂😂😂

Wereeaglesdare · 02/08/2022 18:31

@DashboardConfessional

😂and she would deserve it! Or maybe she will get offered some milk for her tea

RedRobyn2021 · 02/08/2022 18:32

@Charlavail hahaha I would tell her to fuck off too 😂

Sad thing is a new mum would probably be really upset, I know I would have been in the early days

OneTC · 02/08/2022 18:33

There's loads of stuff in life I don't really want to watch or see. So I don't watch.

Regardless of how many times it comes up on MN I still find it pretty hard to swallow that there are people who can't stand to see a baby fed

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 02/08/2022 18:34

YABU for implying that a breastfeeding woman who chooses to use a weird shawl thing is somehow a) not acceptable and b) someone who should be judged for covering up.

Yes you can Bf in public.

It does not stop or change the fact that outside of bf, breasts are private and sexual (yes they are and you’re an idiot if you think they’re not), so it’s quite understandable if some women do want to use that weird shawl thing for some privacy.

DashboardConfessional · 02/08/2022 18:35

RedRobyn2021 · 02/08/2022 18:32

@Charlavail hahaha I would tell her to fuck off too 😂

Sad thing is a new mum would probably be really upset, I know I would have been in the early days

Exactly. I have known women give up for less. Would people (especially women who have fucking well done it thenselves and benefited from the cost saving/convenience) just THINK.

It makes me SO ANGRY.

Wetblanket78 · 02/08/2022 18:35

Only ever had one person notice when I breastfed and he wasn't a customer. He was a waiter who served us. Never said anything to me but kept looking making me feel uncomfortable then mentioned it to the rest of staff. I never covered up just discreetly lifted my top up couldn't even see any part of my booby.

It's the women who take they're whole boob out over the neck of they're top which I find strange. That's not discrete then you usually get you never seen a tit before? Talk about attention seeking.

GreenRainbowSun · 02/08/2022 18:35

GiltEdges · 02/08/2022 18:23

To be fair, indecent exposure is an actual crime based on forcing someone to see something they don’t want to see. You could argue that the victim of said crime could also choose to look elsewhere, but that’s not really the point, it’s still indecent.

Show quote history

Breasts aren't indecent at all.
They are amazing tools that women have for feeding a baby.

Breasts have been sexualised by society. If you are uncomfy then maybe reflect on what makes you feel that way.

bubblescoop · 02/08/2022 18:37

Ladywiddio · 02/08/2022 17:04

I breastfed 3 children,I did it in all sorts of places and never once did I do it without making sure it wasn’t obvious.

I have on several occasions asked Mothers to be more discreet! I have no problem telling them I don’t want to see it.It’s a new thing making it a performance activity,carry on but don’t do it in front of me.

Oh honey 😅 If you said that to me I’d get the entire boob out, then switch sides and get the other out too.

If you have a issue with sexualising body parts that’s something you need to deal with.

bubblescoop · 02/08/2022 18:39

It's the women who take they're whole boob out over the neck of they're top which I find strange. That's not discrete then you usually get you never seen a tit before? Talk about attention seeking.

@Wetblanket78 Nothing wrong with flopping one out. If I want to wear a dress or a stretchy top and it just comes down then I will do so.

Somethingsnappy · 02/08/2022 18:40

awwbiscuits · 02/08/2022 18:20

@Somethingsnappy no worries!! I knew it wasn't at me. I know I shouldn't respond but omg going for an anxious new mum is so below the belt :(

I know, totally despicable.

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/08/2022 18:40

@GiltEdges

Can't believe someone doesn't understand the different between a sexual crime and a baby being fed?

Moronic comparison

DashboardConfessional · 02/08/2022 18:41

Is it only protected by the Equalities Act if you do it discreetly? Perhaps we should allow staff in various public venues to measure the area of skin on display to baby's head ratio in square inches before giving us the green light.

BungleandGeorge · 02/08/2022 18:42

I don’t quite understand what people think is on show , you’d see baggy top and then baby. Just don’t look if you don’t like it. There’s plenty of people sunbathe topless, wear sheer tops etc, I just don’t look! Bit sad 12% have said it’s inappropriate to breastfeed a baby in public without a shawl. Babies of 4 months tend to draw more attention to themselves that way by constantly pulling the shawl away, they often don’t like being in a tent!

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/08/2022 18:42

...

I don't want to see someone elses nips, dribbly babies, babies I imagine are boiling hot under a breastfeeding cover...(theres loads more things I don't want to gaze upon, it isn't all baby related!)

I therefore... DON'T LOOK... and I carry on about my business.

My desire not to see things does not trump someone elses need to do things (on the whole... I mean if its a penis, yeah it probably does).

So my point is... it is possible to not want to see something and also NOT make that someone elses problem. It is entirely my issue, I'll deal with it, you'd never know.

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 02/08/2022 18:43

YouAreNotBatman · 02/08/2022 16:05

YABVU.
Cover or move to somewhere private.
No one wants to see that.

Also ”breast feeding shamed” is absolutely ridiculous thing to say!

Cover your eyes or move somewhere else yourself. It's a baby eating. If you don't want to see it you don't have to.

Teder · 02/08/2022 18:43

Ladywiddio · 02/08/2022 17:04

I breastfed 3 children,I did it in all sorts of places and never once did I do it without making sure it wasn’t obvious.

I have on several occasions asked Mothers to be more discreet! I have no problem telling them I don’t want to see it.It’s a new thing making it a performance activity,carry on but don’t do it in front of me.

There is an irony in creating a performance by verbally accosting a stranger feeding their child in a way that you say is a “performance”. Pot meet kettle.
One day you’re going to ask the wrong person to be “more discreet” and get a reaction that may create an interesting performance for everyone in the general vicinity!

OneTC · 02/08/2022 18:44

GiltEdges · 02/08/2022 18:23

To be fair, indecent exposure is an actual crime based on forcing someone to see something they don’t want to see. You could argue that the victim of said crime could also choose to look elsewhere, but that’s not really the point, it’s still indecent.

Show quote history

Crikey

RenegadeMatron · 02/08/2022 18:45

These posters complaining about ‘attention seeking’ mothers.

Surely if you think they are ‘attention seeking’, the thing to do is ignore them?

But the likes of @Ladywiddio can’t though, can they? They just have to up the drama.

Talk about attention seeking. Wink

Dinoteeth · 02/08/2022 18:46

I don't know about England/Wales but Scotland the Baby has a Right to be Fed (I can't remember the exact words)
But its the Baby who has the Legal Rights not the Mother.

RenegadeMatron · 02/08/2022 18:47

LOl, X-post with @Teder

IR230622 · 02/08/2022 18:49

YANBU. I don't know where you are in the country but it has been completely roasting here. If you were to cover babies head/your boob they would be so hot. Maybe those who said you're being unreasonable should start putting a duvet over their head when they go out to eat?

Wouldloveanother · 02/08/2022 18:50

TowelChair · 02/08/2022 17:26

Glad the voting has turned largely positive in your favour.

Tell him to mind his own business. You do you!!

I loved bf my babies. I miss it. Such lovely snuggles and if you wear the right top, no one pays attention.

Although I was once in a museum cafe with my grandparents-in-law. A young child (I’d guess 4 years old) ran up to his mum. She undid the top of her dungarees, lifted her T-shirt and he started sucking her boob whilst he was standing next table. She was carrying on her chat with her friend sat across the table. Total bonkers and beyond inappropriate 😂

what is is with those bloody dungarees?! They don’t look hippy mum chic, they make women look like Mr Tumble.

YANBU op (I hit YABU by accident). Unless you’ve taken your whole top off or something there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Tell him to relax.

IR230622 · 02/08/2022 18:51

Posted too soon. Only time I've ever found it awkward was when one of my SIL friends got both boobs fully out, no top on. When baby was feeding, her other boob was just chilling in the breeze 😂