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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I really need XH's permission to take DD abroad?!

176 replies

mumyes · 01/08/2022 23:12

Is this really a thing?!
Government advice states that a lone parent needs written permission to travel abroad with their child.
WTAF?!
Is this really the case?
Can anyone who has experience advise?

Thanks!

OP posts:
Ducksinthebath · 02/08/2022 08:34

How vigilant passport control are probably depends on a lot of factors including the port stop requests they have that day. Is it really worth jeopardising a holiday for if the OP’s ex partner is happy with travel and would presumably sign a short letter confirming that?

Roselilly36 · 02/08/2022 08:35

It’s not ridiculous at all, it’s to safeguard children and prevent abduction.

TheOceanClub · 02/08/2022 08:37

Couple of months ago me and DS went to see family abroad. We have different surnames and nationalities. I had DS birth certificate and my DP wrote a simple letter on a piece of paper to confirm that he gives permission to take his son out of the country, with his phone nr at the end should they decide they want to confirm it.
No one asked me anything but I felt better knowing I have it with me just in case. And the piece of paper doesn’t give me any extra weight.
Just on the return the border patrol guy looked at us and asked me “And this is this (DS name) ?” After I confirmed it he just smiled and let us go.

notacooldad · 02/08/2022 08:37

I dont know if things have changed and I'm not a single parent but from the boys being about 3 yrs old right the way up to 18 I took them abroad every February and October and sometimes May. Dh got less holidays than me. I was never questioned about them being with me. Lone travel was never a problem.

LumpyandBumps · 02/08/2022 08:42

I took my children to France via Eurostar for many years from around 2007, without being asked any questions.
I was married to their father, but I have a different surname to the children, so was surprised not to be challenged.
The only time we were questioned was when I also took my son’s girlfriend, who was about 17. I had taken the precaution of getting a letter of consent from her mother, but the member of staff just accepted what she said. This was on the way back into the U.K. so of absolutely no use if I had been trying to abduct her.
This happened in 2019.

astoundedgoat · 02/08/2022 08:43

mumyes · 01/08/2022 23:22

I'm surprised because I think it's OTT.
My XH has no issue with us going, but it just seems like major faff!

It wouldn't seem OTT if your ex husband was from a country not covered by the Hague convention and wanted to take the kids "home" to visit grandparents.

My husband is from a non-EU country and when he takes the kids to visit his parents without me he brings all the documentation to prove he has the right to leave the country with them.

Plantstrees · 02/08/2022 08:43

I have the same surname as my DC but have been stopped. I had my Residence Order (sole custody) with me so it was fine.

tukker · 02/08/2022 08:46

I have a different surname to my DD. I travel with copies of birth certificates and divorce certificates and never been asked to show them. Border control have asked my DD who she is travelling with on occasion and that's it.

Trainham · 02/08/2022 08:46

I have adult child with additional needs and was advised by solicitor not to change my married name when I divorced so I still has same name as child.i could still be stopped as I could be removing a vulnerable person from country even though child no longer wanted contact with dad.
However passport need renewing and child wants to change name by deed poll so will be issued in new name and hopefully not an issue.

Icouldabeenalawyer · 02/08/2022 08:46

My court order states I can take my dc out for up to 3 months without permission....not sure why tbh. However, I always take that, my marriage cert so my nane matches it, and a letter of consent from X. I got it online.. I think Martin Lewis website? Basically it's a handy pre written agreement and X signs it... each year x signs to say he gives permission. We have an ok relationship and he is happy for dc to go on hols. I'd say last 3 times passport have asked dc 'who are these people to you' as diff surname. That is when I whip out my paperwork folder 😁

Algbu6 · 02/08/2022 08:47

LemonMuffins · 01/08/2022 23:21

Its definitely a normal expectation, but we've never been asked.

If you have a child arrangements order in your favour then you can take them for 28 days without permission.

What exactly would the order need to state exactly travel imparticular or just a generic court order?

Algbu6 · 02/08/2022 08:51

notacooldad · 02/08/2022 08:37

I dont know if things have changed and I'm not a single parent but from the boys being about 3 yrs old right the way up to 18 I took them abroad every February and October and sometimes May. Dh got less holidays than me. I was never questioned about them being with me. Lone travel was never a problem.

Its not the lone travel per se. Its the different surnames that seem to be an issue.

Tomorrowisanewday · 02/08/2022 08:58

I took my nephew on holiday, and had been advised to have his parents both write letters of approval, and have them signed by local police office. Was asked for proof of relationship on our way through customs at Heathrow, showed them the letters, and wasn't asked anything further.

Wallywobbles · 02/08/2022 08:58

My ExH was stopped and asked going from France, where we live to the Uk. He wasn't carrying the paperwork he should have been. I was rung and they asked if I consented. I said yes.

He, on the other hand, but would have said no because he is a vindictive shit.

Starriesky · 02/08/2022 09:02

@astoundedgoat there are no checks leaving the UK though so how does that stop them leaving the country?

if it was about child trafficking all children would be asked questioned and the checks wouldn’t stop at 12 years old

bbqhulahoop · 02/08/2022 09:04

I've always been asked, albeit usually when trying to get back into the country. You might be alright but is it worth not getting the docs just in case?

ivykaty44 · 02/08/2022 09:06

My advice is yes carry the birth certificate as that proves you're the mum.I thought passport security had access to GRO and civil certificates anyway.

Didn't they come across a man with a passport for a death child as they had access to GRO death certificates

thetombliboo · 02/08/2022 09:08

I have two children with different surnames to myself (and each other Blush)
I have never been asked for anything but always took their birth certificates and my marriage just incase as I can't imagine that situation being nice for the kids so better to be prepared.

I've never asked for permission to take my child. Unless you have a malicious ex who may call the police and say you have kidnapped I can't see it being questioned.

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/08/2022 09:09

No. You absolutely don't need a consent letter if your have a CAO in your favour.

There are a lot of vindictive men out there who will deliberately withhold consent in order to ruin their child's holiday.

And yet another reason for ensuring you give your children your name.

LadyDanburysCane · 02/08/2022 09:10

I used to regularly take DCs to France on my own to visit family. DH usually joined us later. I never got asked whether I had his permission and I never even considered it until I started seeing threads like this when I joined MN. We do all have the same surname though.

how do border control know that there is even another parent with parental responsibility? If the other parent is dead? This information isn’t on the child’s passport.

(Not saying it isn’t a sensible precaution - just now sure how realistic it is).

ChilliMum · 02/08/2022 09:13

I travelled lots just me and the kids when they were smaller as I get longer holidays than Dh.

I was stopped at check-in many years ago at Zurich airport. Luckily Dh was with me as he had dropped us at the airport but they made him return to the car to get official ID to prove he was who he said he was before they accepted his verbal permission but said that really I should have written permission and they wouldn't guarantee I would be able to fly back (luckily we were visiting friends so dh was able to email me a letter to print for the return leg).

We now both carry a simple letter and photocopy of the other parents passport when we travel alone with the kids. We have never been.asked since but it's an easy fix for peace of mind.

Elefunt · 02/08/2022 09:17

Yes you do and some countries are much stricter due to child trafficking - it’s a pain in the ass and some people have to go through courts, however, in my opinion if it helps stop child trafficking it’s worth it.

you can suggest a multiple trip / time period agreeance so you are not asking multiple times.

Also worth getting it signed in front of a witness too.

SuperPets · 02/08/2022 09:18

mumyes · 01/08/2022 23:29

The ridiculous thing is that the government advice is it just had to be a letter from the other parent?!

I mean, seriously, anyone dodgy would surely just bloody forge that anyway. Ridiculous!!

You need a signed letter and a copy of his ID with is signature, so it shows he signed the letter.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 02/08/2022 09:19

mumyes · 01/08/2022 23:29

The ridiculous thing is that the government advice is it just had to be a letter from the other parent?!

I mean, seriously, anyone dodgy would surely just bloody forge that anyway. Ridiculous!!

Technically yes but in practice it's almost never asked for
i was phoned by border police when XH was taking DS away once but as they got my number from him obviously I could have been anybody

I've never been asked and I've taken DS literally dozens of times. XH is non EU and non white though....

best to get it if you can but don't panic if not. They aren't going to refuse you permission to fly unless there is a court order in place that they have a copy of saying you can't take the DC out of the country.

Flux1 · 02/08/2022 09:19

We've brought DD's pal on holiday with us to Portugal last two years and both times we were asked for letter from her parents at Portugese passport control to show we had permission. Some countries have stricter rules - if you're travelling into South Africa with children you have to show their birth cert upon arrival. Families have been refused entry if they don't have this.