Do I really need XH's permission to take DD abroad?!

[mumyes]

Is this really a thing?!
Government advice states that a lone parent needs written permission to travel abroad with their child.
WTAF?!
Is this really the case?
Can anyone who has experience advise?

Thanks!

I agree that a letter is a bit silly. Something formal would be much harder to forge. Perhaps a sort of child travel visa, for whenever a child is crossing the border with one parent. That would add considerable expense overall, which is probably why they still go with the letter system..

I have a different name and nationality to DD. I always get asked. Well, now she's older they ask her!

Check the government advise for the country you're travelling to bjt dd recently ours to Holland and it was just a simple form that took less than two mins to print off, fill in, and sign. Not a big faff at all. It was probably the least faff part of planning the trip to be honest.

Form included things like my address and contact number, the dates of travel and where they're staying. Wasn't asked for it thought but a friend whose husband travels with their children a lot to see family abroad has been checked a few times over the last year or so.

What you need might to provide could differ from country to country depending on their laws so I'd double check you have everything you need to meet the requirements of the country you're going to and the country you live in.

I was wondering this too. Also what if you had your child using a sperm donor?

They won’t be on the birth certificate then will they? It’s ONLY if the father has PR/named on bc. It’s one reason why women who are single and pregnant don’t want to put their exes on the BC.

Would you be happy if your ex took your children abroad without your permission

@BiscoffSundae no need to be snippy. My starting point was "How do Border Force even know that the child has a father before they decide to ask for documentation?" After all, the birth certificate is not routinely handed over with the passport.

It does seem that there are two separate things going on here:

1. Child may be asked who the person with them is. If BF are satisfied that the person is Mummy, no problem.

1. Children with different names to their mother might prompt a request for permission from other parent in addition to confirmation that travelling parent is Mummy.

Children with a donor father are likely to have the mother's surname so probably no question will be asked.

Yes and he has done regularly. Why wouldn't I be?

the vast majority of parents aren't planning to abduct their children.

I’ve been asked on returning to the UK a few times, the first time was unexpected and I had a “bad” one, he wanted my 18 month old a 3 year old taken out of their buggy and fit me to call them like dogs to see who they went to - this request was politely refused. I asked them to access their passport details to prove their mother and father and gain contact details for their father (I could provide them and offered to do so but they told me I could be making it up) so I advised them to call the authorities - at this point we were waived through.

My anger is all of this was not that we had been asked but that we had been asked on RETURN. Why would I traffic/smuggle my UK born children IN to the country, surely you would check I was not abducting them on the way out? That seems like the more reasonable time for abduction situations.

A letter is a useless piece of paper as unless it is verified by a solicitor or professional (like a passport is) how does anyone know it’s genuine?

My sister got asked both times she visited Switzerland without her partner. She’d been warned though and had a letter signed by him saying he gave permission for the trip. They also asked the children a few questions, she thinks to check they were comfortable with her, she was really their mum etc. it’s never happened on any other journey, only the two times she’s been to Switzerland.

My DH was travelling from Canada to the US with my DS (14yo) and was asked for proof I consented to the cross boarder travel. They were kept at the border until I was called and confirmed that I had written the letter stating I was.

I rather that they checked & wake me up / go through the 5 minute faff of writing a 3 line letter than not.

What if you had a one night stand years ago and the man had never even met his child? Asking for a friend.....

I've been stopped and asked as a child if my parents were my parents, they are darker skinned and I am lighter skinned. Was really tempted to say no, but my dad was giving me The Look so I knew better

DD18 dad died when she was 7 and we have different surnames. We have been asked several times as we travel lots (18 now so no more!). I carried her birth cert, dads death cert and also an affadavit in our travel wallet.

My DC have different surname to me. We were travelling as a family (with DP) and went through passport control together coming back to the UK. The person at the counter actually said to me if I travel alone with DC I would need that letter, this happened in April. Was really surprised given we were all together and it’s never happened before. Maybe they’re having a crackdown or something.

Unfortunately I have been asked (and was very nearly denied entry into South Africa because I didn’t have a copy of ex’s passport). A nice chap on passport control at Gatwick told me this year that you need to have documents with you - I was fully prepared & was fine. We have different surnames though and it was a huge relief that this particular officer used common sense and said DD was obviously my child because we’re almost identical. I now travel with my decree nisi, ex’s passport (photo of), DD’s birth certificate & my new marriage certificate. Plus a letter from my ex. I absolutely loathe asking him for permission to take her away - he was abusive and remains neglectful and vile so it kills me.

If you have a residence /lives with order you can take them out the country for up to 28 days without consent.

These threads are every year and it always makes me smile. It doesn't matter if it seems stressful or silly or anything it is what might happen, and if it does having a letter makes it easier.
I always take a photocopy of my DH passport and he writes on it from a template we found on the Internet.

This year I was stopped at the Greek border as I tried to enter Turkey, and I am grateful that I was stopped as if my inconvenience helps make child abduction more difficult then it is worth it. The Greek border agents thoroughly looked at the letter, our passports and asked the children who I was. A woman in front of me with a child was turned away, I don't know why.

Take a birth certificate if you don't have a second parent, to the pp that lost their dh, firstly I'm sorry, secondly I would personally take a copy especially if they are small children, older children do seemed to be spoken to more and asked if the situation is correct.

Then you’d have a birth certificate showing only one parent.

Unless you have a lives with order then yes technically that’s the law, however in 11 years of travelling abroad with my children I’ve only ever been asked once. Well the kids were asked who I am they said ‘my mum’ and off we went.

The consent is in the order, you should take the order.

Us Ducks must do a lot of travelling 🤣

I’ve never had the opportunity to take my children abroad since I left their father but it has just occurred to me that if I did so and supplied a letter written by him (unlikely he’d supply such a thing, we’d be lucky to get the steam off his piss from him) there’s no way border control would believe an adult wrote the letter, given my ex’s shocking writing skills or lack thereof.

I’d probably be arrested on the spot.

I think it’s worth a bit of inconvenience for innocent people to ensure that others dont break the law by as in this case taking a child on holiday abroad and not returning them.

When DS was 5 or 6 (many moons ago, before safeguarding was a thing) his teacher commented one day that hed lost a baby tooth. “Yes” he said airily “my Daddy hit me!” She knew the family and knew it wouldn’t be violence (actually the tooth was very loose and they were rough housing and DH’s arm happened to touch the wonky tooth (I know; I was there). So she didn’t do anything. Now she would and although it was innocent I wouldn’t have minded SS or whoever asking questions for the sake of children who are genuinely being hit in the home.

With regards to the consent letter I advise it’s attached to copies of the other parent’s ID documents or witnessed by a solicitor. I’m a solicitor and plenty of my clients get stopped every year. I’ve been rung by border control to check it’s my witness signature. It’s a criminal offence to remove a child from the country without the other parent’s consent but there are defences such as unreasonable refusal to consent but good luck arguing that at the border. It’s best to get a court order if you cannot get consent. Certain countries are extremely rigid on entry, such as South Africa.

i have same surname as children , my daughter was asked once who I was at passport control but have never been asked for any paperwork showing permission despite travelling all over world USA Asia Australia New Zealand .

Some of us haven’t seen the ‘other parent’ for more than a decade

no cms

no contact

not even a birthday card

I think it is outrageous Im supposed to need his permission to take a child who he wouldn’t even recognise out of the country.

Fortunately I’ve taken her to 13 different countries so far without issue. A few more on it border patrol (Amsterdam and Athens airports) asked her who I was to her, when she answered mummy that was the end of that.