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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do I really need XH's permission to take DD abroad?!

176 replies

mumyes · 01/08/2022 23:12

Is this really a thing?!
Government advice states that a lone parent needs written permission to travel abroad with their child.
WTAF?!
Is this really the case?
Can anyone who has experience advise?

Thanks!

OP posts:
CalpolOnToast · 02/08/2022 07:58

I asked Ryanair once if I needed permission from DH if travelling alone with DS and they said not if you're married - I had phoned them after reading their FAQ. Absolutely no proof required that we're married and we have different last names, although DS is double-barrelled. Hadn't occurred to me we'd need permission for border force to let us back in though!

Testingprof · 02/08/2022 07:58

gogohmm · 01/08/2022 23:30

I got asked, dd was 17! Going into Canada where the age is 18 for travel. Dd told him

Same happened to me when I was a similar age. My mum who’d traveled for years with me alone was quite indignant.
My grandparents always travelled with a letter to say they had permission, which is what I would do as it’s not worth being turned away at the border over.

TheLionTheWitchAndTheChesterDraws · 02/08/2022 07:58

My anger is all of this was not that we had been asked but that we had been asked on RETURN. Why would I traffic/smuggle my UK born children IN to the country, surely you would check I was not abducting them on the way out? That seems like the more reasonable time for abduction situations.

Well you weren’t. But a parent who had been staying abroad with their children and who had separated from the other parent while there may well decide that they’d be better off with the children in the UK. The Hague Convention exists for a reason.

SomePosters · 02/08/2022 07:58

Familylawso1icitor · 02/08/2022 07:54

With regards to the consent letter I advise it’s attached to copies of the other parent’s ID documents or witnessed by a solicitor. I’m a solicitor and plenty of my clients get stopped every year. I’ve been rung by border control to check it’s my witness signature. It’s a criminal offence to remove a child from the country without the other parent’s consent but there are defences such as unreasonable refusal to consent but good luck arguing that at the border. It’s best to get a court order if you cannot get consent. Certain countries are extremely rigid on entry, such as South Africa.

I can’t afford a solicitor and wouldn’t want to risk getting backlash from a man who has already made pretty concerted attempts to kill me

so should my kid never get to leave the country because she is cursed with a piece of shit for a dad?

Simonjt · 02/08/2022 07:59

Womencanlift · 01/08/2022 23:40

So what would happen if the other parent has died? Genuine question not trying to start anything. Do you have to carry a copy of the death certificate?

Possibly, I’m my sons only parent, same surname, same ethnicity, I take a copy of his adoption certificate as each time we have flown I have been asked for permission from his second imaginery parent.

PuttingDownRoots · 02/08/2022 07:59

Weve been asked once in about 20 trips. Same surname... and I'm married to their father, again same surname. UK Border control. (We lived in another EU country, I used to bring the children back to see Grandparents).

feda · 02/08/2022 08:01

mumyes · 01/08/2022 23:12

Is this really a thing?!
Government advice states that a lone parent needs written permission to travel abroad with their child.
WTAF?!
Is this really the case?
Can anyone who has experience advise?

Thanks!

Ive travelled so many times with my daughter with a different surname to mine and they never asked me, she even got a uk passport while I don't. I
BUT I think it's a good idea to bring just in case.

Mamadothehump · 02/08/2022 08:03

My parents are taking mine abroad so DH and I have signed a letter to say we give all control to my parents for the week (stated dates away, full names and DOB's) plus I photocopied our passports. It all took 10 mins max so really is no big deal!!

Iliveonahill · 02/08/2022 08:04

mumyes · 01/08/2022 23:22

I'm surprised because I think it's OTT.
My XH has no issue with us going, but it just seems like major faff!

It’s not OTT. It’s safeguarding. Lots of children go missing.

BellePeppa · 02/08/2022 08:05

When my ex (and GF) took our children to Disney in the US I gave a verbal agreement but not a written one. I took the children abroad by myself a couple of times and was never questioned even though they have a different surname to me.

Iliveonahill · 02/08/2022 08:05

The EU is very different now too with passport control. They ask you questions and actually look at you. I would take the paperwork.

HandbagsnGladrags · 02/08/2022 08:07

I've travelled with my daughter since my divorce 12 years ago and have never once been asked for this. Similarly, so has her dad.

Ponoka7 · 02/08/2022 08:12

@Summererfluff what would be needed if the father has had PR court removed because of abuse? Just the front copy of court letters and the removal page? Would we have any issues on your typical package deal to the likes of benalmedena/torremolinos? In most of these cases the father isn't removed from the BC.

Darbs76 · 02/08/2022 08:13

Never been asked and taken mine loads, they are 14 and 17 now. They travelled alone the other week so not sure how you’d need permission after 12

Starriesky · 02/08/2022 08:16

It’s not a bit of inconvenience for mums though is it, it’s a way of dads still exercising control over children they barely see or contribute for financially. A parent with a different surname is more likely to be stopped and that’s usually mum.

Its also a poor system as anyone trafficking a child would simply forge a letter.

we've travelled a lot and only been checked returning the the UK, utterly pointless asking whether I’m trafficking my British DC’s back into the uk.

Ithinkthatisenoughnowthanks · 02/08/2022 08:16

I have a different surname to my children. I have a residence order so technically I don’t need anything from the ex as can leave for 28 days without the ex’s permission. . I always carry the Order and copies of birth certificates. My children were once asked who I was coming back into the country but I have never had to show the paperwork.

Ducksurprise · 02/08/2022 08:19

@Ponoka7 Yes I would take that. As much as I want it to be a safeguarding exercise I think in general it is a box ticking exercise.

Ponoka7 · 02/08/2022 08:21

@Ducksurprise , thanks.

Draughtycatflapreturns · 02/08/2022 08:22

This is why I never travel without my child’s desiccated umbilical cord in my hand bag.

AnneElliott · 02/08/2022 08:27

I agree the letters could have been written by anyone (ex UK immigration). I used to rely on asking the child who the adult was. Some kids hilariously told me they didn't know them even when it was clear they were their parent.

The issue with kids entering the Uk is that they might not actually be the kids in the passport. It's a common way of trafficking to bring in a different child on a genuine Uk child's passport (either borrowed or stolen) and pass the child off as a Brit Cit when they are actually a foreign national being trafficked here.

My advice is yes carry the birth certificate as that proves you're the mum.

Algbu6 · 02/08/2022 08:28

I was stopped in Manchester border control at Manchester in 2019. I was let go but got a stern telling off as I had no birth certificate with me.

Since there's no solid rules around travelling with your DC with a different surname it's a bit much. I've heard about the other parent having to write a letter of permission.... is that it though just a note by the non travelling parent?

I now always travel with a copy of the birth certificate just in case. I've never been asked since but I have Turkey booked next year and I have a feeling they might stop and ask me.

Marvellousmadness · 02/08/2022 08:29

Why are you so miffed my it.
Where you looking to go on a secret holiday?

Its just a safety precaution.

Blueblell · 02/08/2022 08:33

My teens were quizzed on the way back two weeks ago about who I am to them. I was also asked for birth certificates. We do have different surnames. However I was not asked whether I had permission to travel from their dad. This is more about child trafficking and they don’t ask anything on the way out.

MsTSwift · 02/08/2022 08:33

Ha my poor friend and her Dh had this they took a friend for her Dd on holiday to France girls both 13 they were pulled over and interrogated both girls just utterly clammed up and wouldn’t confirm the scenario! My friend was so 🙄 at them!

Algbu6 · 02/08/2022 08:34

AnneElliott · 02/08/2022 08:27

I agree the letters could have been written by anyone (ex UK immigration). I used to rely on asking the child who the adult was. Some kids hilariously told me they didn't know them even when it was clear they were their parent.

The issue with kids entering the Uk is that they might not actually be the kids in the passport. It's a common way of trafficking to bring in a different child on a genuine Uk child's passport (either borrowed or stolen) and pass the child off as a Brit Cit when they are actually a foreign national being trafficked here.

My advice is yes carry the birth certificate as that proves you're the mum.

Omg are you me. When I got stopped the officer asked him who I was my DC just looked and said that's "Sarah" (not my real name by the way) I could of died!