'D'h just quit £100k job no discussion!

[Lochnessgiraffe]

Wtf. I know that he hates it but he's got nothing to go to.
We stupidly have no savings as we've just moved house.
I'm sure he'll find something but he just announced it over coffee. Arghh!

Honestly, posters see a six figure salary on a thread and launch into a jealous attack of an OP, whatever the circs.

Those with the catty comments about the OP not working look like absolute dopes.

It is not ok to quit a job without consultation and leave your partner wholly responsible for the family. Not ok at all. And he was obviously failing at the job and dressed it up as his decision to leave.

Whereas I've had 3 different jobs across three difference sectors (public, private, third) in the same timescale and they all had a six month probation period.

OP, you can't assume even he knows everything going on behind the scenes, let alone you knowing the full picture. A colleague here let someone go at their six month point recently. The 'official' reason is the department's financial situation has changed and they can no longer afford to fund the contract extension they had hoped to offer. The true reason is the person was not performing despite support and had they been appointed on a permanent contract, rather than 'temporary with the possibility of future extension or permanence', they would have failed their probation. My colleague has said they'd rather carry the vacancy for a few months than have someone having a multiple-negative impact on his team (the person's own inefficiency plus the time it was taking to correct their mistakes and the manager's time to manage the performance process).

Either way it's not great - either your DH is lying about the real reason he's leaving, or he's been high-handed and taken a unilateral decision about something that affects you both/all.

A candidate's market? You don't even know what field he's in.
A candidate with "failed probation" on his record won't be fronting the queue, regardless.

If you have children, he is being very unreasonable.

This is really really poor. Poor communication. I would be really hacked off.

"He's currently updating LinkedIn and looking for jobs. So feeling a bit better. He's going to look at contract as well as perm. So fingers crossed.
I have just spoken to him and his probation was going to be extended that's why he did it now."

He found have done all of that before. Cv, linked in. And talked to you. I get try bot about probation and doing it quickly. But he still should've talked to you, BEFORE he did it.

Total lack of respect.

I've quit a job with no discussion with my OH, I did warn him, but it was literally a text message saying, "btw, I think i'm going to end up resigning today"

Best thing I ever did, I had a new job within 2 weeks.

We clear about £8000 a month

That was my salary last year. No sympathy here. Sorry.

Learn how to spend and save better.

Namechanged. Haven't read the whole thread but @Lochnessgiraffe - you have my sympathy as my DH did the exactly same - quit a job with no prior discussion with me, at a similar earning level.

What I really resented was that the 'fallback' for him in terms of our outgoings was money in savings that came from inheritance following the death of my parents at a fairly young age - obviously this money is OUR money, but I wanted to save it to help our kids out with uni fees or flat deposits.

Maybe it would have been fine if he'd found another job very quickly - but he didn't. I'm not going to lie - it caused some quite significant issues between us that we are still working through. Hope things are easier for you guys.

And on another note, I also got some pretty catty responses on here on the back of mentioning a) I had any inheritance at all and b) that DH had been quite a high earner. Pretty ridiculous because, although I can appreciate we are in a fortunate position compared to many, it was the total lack of communication from DH that was making me feel unhappy ultimately. Good luck and I hope things improve for you.

Only on mumsnet could the op be accused as stealth boasting when her dh jacked in his job without consulting her. A job that, whilst well paid is hardly jaw dropping for london (far from it in fact) and not for the surrounding commuter towns either.

Presumably you’re not with him anymore? How could you be?

You have my sympathy Op

Although mumsnet is completely the wrong audience for this.

time to call up you girlfriends and have a chat with them. Unless you can survive on roadkill and 4 green beans a week - it would seem you are stealth boasting on mumsnet.

Although op

to be fair I have just come across the other thread you started today on this, in which you say

Now I'm know I'm being a hypocrite as I left a job last year with nothing to go to but I got 3 months salary in a lump sum .

So you have form for precisely what your dh has done

@Happyandyouknowit82 - I am still with my DH. To be fair to him, he misguidedly thought that he would walk into another role without any problems as he had in the past, and some of the circumstances that prevented him from doing so weren't entirely his fault, but due to a downturn in his industry etc.

The resentment caused on the back of him making that decision without consulting me was, without question, damaging for our marriage - but we worked through it (he certainly knows not to make any big career decisions without discussing it with me first!) and things are better now.

Another thing i discovered for a sneaky advanced search op. Back in March you posted

My dh is disabled and the stress of all of this is effect his blood pressure and he's at risk of heart failure.

could this has something to do with his decision.

although I am mainly interested in how you can justify being so frustrated with him, when you did exactly the same ie jacked in without anything lined up very recently according to another thread!

No the right fit seems to come up all the time now when a company wants to let go of an employee. My husband left a very high paying job last year, the job nearly cost our marriage, thankfully we had savings so it wasn't too much of a worry and we've been much happier all round.

I just can’t get my head around

a) being a partner that felt that I had to just Jack in their job without any consultation wi THeir partner. Not least for advice, thoughts, views.

b) being the partner that this decision and life change is thrust upon

You must have a very forgiving nature @nicoandthevelvets

although do you ever get to the bottom of why he felt he could talk to you about this?

Suggesting? That's not what I'd call it. This is what you said:
Yeah, no, he categorically did not have a contract stating one weeks notice.
Whatever he tells you, this didn't happen.

Now that unnumerable people have told you that you are absolutely wrong and a week's notice is normal within the probation period, suddenly 'categorically' means 'I suggest', and 'this didn't happen' means 'it might not have happened'?

I thought it was odd to have a weeks notice period, but if you've only been in a job 6 months sometimes it is only a week, raising the time the longer you have been with a company?

I left a job last year with a lump sum of 3 months salary and found a job that started the following week. He doesn't have that cushion

Get a better job if you're begrudging people more than an £8k a year salary.

But you still left with nothing lined up.

and what about the disability that you refer to that your husband has and fact he is at risk of heart failure?

@Happyandyouknowit82 - not sure I'd say that a forgiving nature is top of my list of qualities tbh! 😂 It WAS infuriating - but essentially, there had been discussions in DH's workplace about a company restructure that he was unhappy with, and one of these discussions led to him quitting then and there - definitely unwise as he had nothing else to go to, but that's what happened.

Plus, I work, and we also do have our savings (albeit from that inheritance) so he knew that we wouldn't be left destitute. The lack of forethought and communication, coupled with what played out in terms of having to spend our savings while he looked for a new role, was definitely very problematic, and has caused issues between us. Definitely challenging, but it didn't make me immediately want to LTB....

Also

hands up serious nosiness here

how come you rent? You started multiple threads on the rental home you’ve moved in to recently and plan to stay for at least 5 years, and fact that you were renting previously. So long term renter.

just curious why a high income two salary family is renting? Nosiness!

Ah so he resigned “in a huff”

respect to you kind of for not leaving the marriage “in a huff”.

What job that pays £100K pa has a one week notice period? I can only assume that he was still in probationary period and has walked before he didn't pass probation. Otherwise nothing stacks up.