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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New neighbours complaining that our kids are distressing their dog

379 replies

InYerFace · 01/08/2022 09:31

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound.

I'm really torn on what to do. I'm sympathetic to their situation and I really don't want to fall out with them. I know the dog has problems because it barks at us from his side of the fence whenever we go out in the garden. When they came round to complain they brought the dog with them to show us what it's like - the woman had it in her arms and it spent the whole time growling and baring its teeth.

The kids had two friends over yesterday and they were playing basketball. My dilemma is that while I'm sympathetic, I don't think the noise they were making was excessive - no screaming, no music blaring, just the sound of kids playing in the garden. The ball doesn't thud loudly on the floor as the garden is grass with no paving or decking so its muffled, but it does clatter when it hits the hoop.

I get that the clatter would be annoying after a while, but I wouldn't say it was any more annoying than the noise of their dog barking at us through the fence and I wouldn't dream of complaining about that. It's just part and parcel of life.

Last set of neighbours never complained about the kids playing, but they did have grandkids of their own who came regularly and made a fair bit of noise so they were probably as immune to the noise of kids playing as we are!

They also said they were worried that the ball would come over and hit their dog, even though it didn't.

I've told the kids they're not to play basketball anymore to keep neighbourly relations cordial, but it is a shame as they absolutely love it and it will probably mean they're just inside playing X Box.

The problem is is that because they're teens, most of the games they'd want to play in the garden do involve some kind of ball. Do I just resign myself to a summer of them sat inside? We do have a local park but it's quite some distance away and seems a shame they can't use their own garden.

OP posts:
Mississipi71 · 01/08/2022 11:05

OP, unlike some of the posters who are showing zero compassion, at least you have recognised that it is a rescue dog and very likely that it was abused. There is a compromise to be reached here, if you and your neighbours want that. You can't stop kids enjoying their own back garden.

Mississipi71 · 01/08/2022 11:06

Goldbar · 01/08/2022 10:35

YABU to tell your kids to stop playing. There's only one nuisance here and it's the snarling, barking dog not the children.

Let your kids play and, if she comes around again, tell her that the dog is disturbing you and your children in your own garden and she needs to put a stop to it otherwise you might be forced to report it.

Where has the OP said the dog was snarling?

Itsokay2020 · 01/08/2022 11:06

OP, your neighbours are being very unreasonable and cannot dictate the use of your garden to appease their dog! I have a rescue, and would never dream of dictating what our neighbours can and can’t do in their own private gardens (we are lucky that our rescue is very laid back though and rarely barks).

It’s bonkers to buy a house next to others if you require total peace and quiet!

Please don’t stop your son and his friends from playing basketball etc in the garden, it’s great that he wants to be outside and this should be actively encouraged. I think it’s reasonable to expect your DS to make sure the ball doesn’t go over the fence, but that’s just common courtesy anyway.

As for bringing a stressed dog to your house, to show you it’s stress, that poor dog! They clearly have no idea how to support the dog and should seek the help of a dog behaviourist asap

Original poster
InYerFace · 01/08/2022 11:08

Yes I did wonder why they brought the dog over when it was clearly causing it some distress. I don't think it was to intimidate us as she had it in her arms and it's fairly small (not sure on the breed, but not as small as a yorkshire terrier, but smaller than a cocker spaniel). She just wanted to show us what it's like.

To answer someone's question up thread, they had the dog when they moved in - they've lived here for three months now. The kids were playing for about three hours yesterday afternoon, on and off, so maybe the time they're out there is excessive and we can come to some sort of compromise. They've probably not complained before as it's the summer holidays and we didn't have plans yesterday so the kids were out there more than they have been before.

This is all new to us. Our last neighbours were lovely and we had a great relationship with them, particularly during Covid when we'd shop for them. The neighbours the other side of us have two younger kids at the shrieking/screaming in the paddling pool stage so we rub along just fine too!

I am also thinking though that it's a good job that our kids are slightly older now as they'd have made much more noise a few years ago when playing with their Nerf guns. Now they're teens they're much quieter vocally! And there's no trampoline which would be more annoying.

OP posts:
CinnamonJellyBeans · 01/08/2022 11:08

Your children are using their home in a perfectly normal and reasonable way

Do not make any changes to your lifestyle to accommodate their request/demand. Do not even suggest a compromise: Like PP have told you, this will lead to further demands.

Mississipi71 · 01/08/2022 11:08

Mississipi71 · 01/08/2022 11:06

Where has the OP said the dog was snarling?

Show quote history

My apologies, the OP said dog was bareing its teeth.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 01/08/2022 11:09

Bet the dog is back at the rescue centre next year. Some dogs are just too far gone , poor things.

I would make a small compromise as others have suggested, and hope they get fed up sooner rather than later.
( hides head from comments saying all dogs are wondrous, no such thing as a bad dog, only bad owner etc etc…..)

Thinkingblonde · 01/08/2022 11:10

No, don’t stop them playing in their own garden. The problem is the dog, not your teens. The dog needs to be trained not to react and that is down to the owners not you or your boys. If it’s growling and baring it’s teeth it definitely needs training.

Give in to this and it’ll be something else she’ll find to complain about.

Meraas · 01/08/2022 11:15

I would let the kids play ball in the garden. Put up a net to make sure the ball doesn’t go over in to neighbour’s garden.

If neighbours complain again I would tell them that they should have considered they were moving next door to a family, and there will be some noise even when being considerate.

Tell them that you are disturbed by their dog by have never complained.

Timeforanewnamenow · 01/08/2022 11:15

Please don’t stop your kids playing in the garden. This is a totally unreasonable request

Original poster
InYerFace · 01/08/2022 11:21

The fence is on our side and is already pretty high and they have trees growing alongside their side which are higher still. It's unlikely the ball would go over, but still possible I guess. One of their points was that they were worried about the ball going over and totally freaking the dog out, so I will look at getting some kind of net fence that is even higher still.

OP posts:
PraiseBee · 01/08/2022 11:24

What bonkers situation have we got to where the needs of a dog trump those of children. Please let your children play basketball in your garden. I hate typing this out because it seems ridiculous to say, but It's fully within your rights. It's up to them to deal with the dog.

PraiseBee · 01/08/2022 11:26

InYerFace · 01/08/2022 11:21

The fence is on our side and is already pretty high and they have trees growing alongside their side which are higher still. It's unlikely the ball would go over, but still possible I guess. One of their points was that they were worried about the ball going over and totally freaking the dog out, so I will look at getting some kind of net fence that is even higher still.

Why? Wait until there is an actual instance of the ball going over. You are too nice and or need to firm up some boundaries. Plastic netting is crappy for the environment so I'd wait to see if it's required. If the dog is so loopy and sensitive, the list of requests will continue on and on.

Wetblanket78 · 01/08/2022 11:29

They sound like the type of people who will complain about neighbours mowing the lawn. They weren't running around screaming. That's what I have to put up with in our street.

minuette1 · 01/08/2022 11:29

Why are you putting the needs of the random dog above your own children's need to enjoy their own garden? Completely bonkers - you and your new neighbours! This is one of the most doormat-ty things I've ever read on mumsnet, stand up for your children OP. If your neighbour's dog is so on edge, they should have moved somewhere more remote.

Glenthebattleostrich · 01/08/2022 11:30

I'm the owner of a reactive dog. She barks at a fly farting 3 streets away. Managing her behaviour is my issue, no-one elses. I mean i draw the line at the brat next door banging on the fence to make her bark because he finds her getting told off funny but otherwise my dog, my problem.

HaveringWavering · 01/08/2022 11:33

Oh wow your poor sons. Please rethink the ban on basketball.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/08/2022 11:33

You are bending yourself out of shape for these mad people. I bet they will continue with ridiculous requests.

Has a ball ever gone over before? I know you want to show willing and are obviously a decent sort but if a ball goes over put up the netting.

Offer their dog a couple of hours grace in the morning. No balls etc before 11. ( The teens probably haven't surfaced before then ) And then draw a line. They need to be decent neighbours too.

They've made a poor start.

RockinHorseShit · 01/08/2022 11:34

WTAF, so they think their dogs use of their garden over rules your DCs use of yoursConfused. Feck that shit, they are nuts

That doesn't bode well as to the kind of CFers they are & I would not be pacifying such people as they'll carry on being CFers in other ways too

Original poster
InYerFace · 01/08/2022 11:36

It does seem loopy, but at the same time I hate the thought they think we're being un-neighbourly or rude. It's making me think the sound of teens playing is excessive and I've just become immune to it? Maybe I just thought it was fine because it was the afternoon and not during anti-social hours.

Saying that, the kids the other side of us are pretty loud and it doesn't bother us in the slightest. I like the sound of them having fun and playing.

OP posts:
ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler · 01/08/2022 11:36

My dog gets quite stressed out with banging so when the neighbours are doing DIY etc. in their garden (like this week with one getting a new fence) I keep him inside. Because he is a dog and it isn't anyone elses problem that he gets stressed out by banging.

Don't keep your kids away from their basketball.

RockinHorseShit · 01/08/2022 11:38

but at the same time I hate the thought they think we're being un-neighbourly or rude.

But you aren't though. THEY are for making such ridiculously unreasonable & quite frankly bonkers request

sunglassesonthetable · 01/08/2022 11:38

It does seem loopy, but at the same time I hate the thought they think we're being un-neighbourly or rude. It's making me think the sound of teens playing is excessive and I've just become immune to it? Maybe I just thought it was fine because it was the afternoon and not during anti-social hours.

The mad neighbours are messing with your mind OP.

Stick with your better judgement.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 01/08/2022 11:42

I have huge admiration for anyone trying to rehabilitate a rescue dog, but your neighbours expectation is selfish and unreasonable.

Give your kids their ball and send them outside!

Original poster
InYerFace · 01/08/2022 11:43

Yeah you're all right, I'm a total doormat and people pleaser. Luckily my DH isn't and thinks they're batshit, both about the noise and their worry about the ball going over. He's of the opinion that it's not like we're having a fireworks party and the boys should just crack on.

OP posts:
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