New neighbours complaining that our kids are distressing their dog

[InYerFace]

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound.

I'm really torn on what to do. I'm sympathetic to their situation and I really don't want to fall out with them. I know the dog has problems because it barks at us from his side of the fence whenever we go out in the garden. When they came round to complain they brought the dog with them to show us what it's like - the woman had it in her arms and it spent the whole time growling and baring its teeth.

The kids had two friends over yesterday and they were playing basketball. My dilemma is that while I'm sympathetic, I don't think the noise they were making was excessive - no screaming, no music blaring, just the sound of kids playing in the garden. The ball doesn't thud loudly on the floor as the garden is grass with no paving or decking so its muffled, but it does clatter when it hits the hoop.

I get that the clatter would be annoying after a while, but I wouldn't say it was any more annoying than the noise of their dog barking at us through the fence and I wouldn't dream of complaining about that. It's just part and parcel of life.

Last set of neighbours never complained about the kids playing, but they did have grandkids of their own who came regularly and made a fair bit of noise so they were probably as immune to the noise of kids playing as we are!

They also said they were worried that the ball would come over and hit their dog, even though it didn't.

I've told the kids they're not to play basketball anymore to keep neighbourly relations cordial, but it is a shame as they absolutely love it and it will probably mean they're just inside playing X Box.

The problem is is that because they're teens, most of the games they'd want to play in the garden do involve some kind of ball. Do I just resign myself to a summer of them sat inside? We do have a local park but it's quite some distance away and seems a shame they can't use their own garden.

Please let your kids play out. They sound like they’re not making undue noise at all

yoir neighbours sound like they have no real knowledge of dogs and could do with a professional to guide them

Its sad for her
But such is backyard life when you have neighbours. I would respond sympathetic but say thst there is nothing you can do really.

Another sod that. It’s your garden and presumably you bought the house with a garden so that your children had somewhere safe to play. There is no way I’d be asking my children not to play in our garden because it distressed a dog next door (and I love dogs).

Oh thanks all. You're all pretty much saying what my DH did after they left! We don't have a dog so I was trying to put myself in their shoes as I know people love their pets as if they're children. They also told me that it was a rescue on its third home and it had been abused before, so I did feel bad that we were upsetting it.

Absolutely don’t tell your DC they can’t play in the garden.

If the neighbours can’t control their aggressive dog they either need to get in a trainer or they need to return it to the rescue. And I’m as doggie minded as you can get.

God, if they think that's noisy, they should come over to mine and hear the din our neighbours' kids produce! Totally permissible to want people to be mindful of the dog, but completely unreasonable to expect you to fundamentally alter your lifestyle - especially if you're not making that much noise anyway.

Be kind but firm, and suggest the dog goes into a room furthest away from the garden if it is becoming anxious.

This is madness.
They absolutely don’t need to compromise at all.

Why should they?

They can and should use their garden as and when they wish.

I live in a garden flat. When my daughter got a netball hoop, I put a time limit on how long she could use it each day. Things like not too early in the morning, nor too late in the evening.
Could you do something like this to keep the peace? Then they've got the option of taking the dog out during their ball time. A compromise can surely be made here.

Kids play and make noise. Dogs bark and make noise.

I’d just carry on as normal.

No way would I keep my child inside for a neighbours dog. My garden is for my families enjoyment, as is yours I would think.
If the dog has issues, it stays inside the house. It's literally that simple. I would advise her you're sorry for the dog being on its third home, however, your children have the right to use their garden. If this will cause an issue, the dog should remain inside.
I like dogs, but no way would I pander to one.

To fuck would I let my neighbours dictate to me when my kids can go in the garden. They need to sort their shit dog out.

Absolutely don’t stop them playing. The amazing cheek of some people!

That poor dog though, clearly being passed from incompetent owner to incompetent owner. I hope the neighbours get a grip and seek appropriate support for it.

Neighbours are batshit.

Kids belong outside playing!

I don't think you should stop using your garden in a normal way such as playing ball games, that's what gardens are for after all.

If their dog can't deal with day to day noise, they need to get it some therapy, or keep it inside in the quiet. It is unacceptable for them to expect other people to change their ordinary behaviour just so that their dog isn't upset!

Have you complained about the dog barking?

I would be neighbourly eg tell them there will be noise/ball playing this afternoon, every morning or whenever so they can get the dog in. After all the barking must be horrible for you if it's constant so will work both ways. Also I'm wondering if the dog could see what's making the noise it would be ok with it? Eg a stepladder at the fence?

Every time you go out into your garden their dog barks. That would drive me nuts.

It’s ok to be sympathetic about a previously abused dog but unfortunately the dog will need to learn to cope with noise.

This, 100%. Take note OP because IncompleteSenten has predicted very accurately what will happen if you give in to the first unreasonable request. And it is unreasonable to expect your family to not do ordinary things to save them having to address their dog's behaviour issues.

Your neighbour absolutely has the option of keeping the dog inside when your garden is in use, seeking help from a behaviourist or training the dog herself, don't forget that during any further conversations and don't be afraid to clearly say no, you won't be limiting your entirely normal use of your garden for your neighbours benefit. You won't regret taking a stand but you will regret giving in to their demands because it won't stop there.

Provided they're not playing basketball late in the evening whilst people might be trying to sleep it's entirely reasonable for them to be playing it. I am a dog owner and I think your neighbours are CF's

I agree with others that stopping your children playing outside is unreasonable.

Its summer though and if your children are outside all the time, maybe a compromise could be reached where for an hour a day you keep the garden peaceful to allow the dog a chance to be outside without getting stressed?

I'm just thinking that the dog needs to learn the garden is a place where he doesn't have to be reactive all the time, but they should also be working with him extensively- and with the help of a canine behaviourist - to deal with his reactivity.

Tricky because I don't know if such a compromise would be giving an inch to take a mile.

I do understand their worry about a basketball going over actually, I had a non reactive, confident dog who became absolutely terrified when he was repeatedly caught by balls from next door when he was outside, but I'd just keep the dog in while they're playing basketball. Presumably they don't play it 8 hours solid??

Either way, the onus is on them to soothe and train their dog not you to stop your boys playing basketball.

Did they say anything about working with their dog to train him out of his reactivity? I'd be much more amenable to them if they were.

As long as the kids are playing out at reasonable times then don’t stop them. Your neighbours need to get help with their dog and keep it indoors when your kids are outside. They can play a radio etc to drown out the noise. Ultimately, if their dog can’t cope with normal daily noise then they need to be living in a rural property with no near neighbours!

We don't have a dog so I was trying to put myself in their shoes as I know people love their pets as if they're children.

I have had several dogs, all rescues. I can see how if you didn’t have much dog experience it would be tricky to know how to respond. My response at the door would have been to completely ignore what they said and to the ask my own questions because I’d be incredibly curious…
‘Why have you brought the dog to my door? You may not realise but you are causing it unnecessary distress right now.’
’Why are you standing at my door with such an aggressive dog, baring it’s teeth at me, are you trying to intimate me? This is incredibly inappropriate behaviour for a dog owner, do you realise?’
’Why are you holding the dog when it is acting with fear and aggression - you are confirming it’s fearful reaction and egging it on at the moment…’
’What disreputable rescue centre let you two take on such an aggressive dog when you are clearly not very knowledgeable about difficult dogs? I have a rescue dog who has the potential to be aggressive, I’ve yet to see it, but he was muzzle trained at the rescue centre where we got him. Did they not advise you to muzzle him in public if he is this reactive?’
‘Would you like the number for a local dog trainer since you are clearly struggling?’
I’ve got more, but you see where I’m going with this. These guys are clueless. It’s not your problem to deal with though. I feel sorry for the dog.

Let the kids play

If they say anything, you can ask them to take the dog inside when your kids are out. It's not like teens will be outside 24/7

It can go for a walk if it needs the toilet in the meantime.

Do you think they might have been using the dog as an excuse to get your kids to quieten down a bit?

4 kids playing basketball is going to be loud. Not that I think that should prevent them playing it, but I'm also sympathetic to those living next door to persistent noise. Do the kids play everyday?

Wow! That's a request and a half. And they're new neighbours.

The absolute brass neck of moving in to a place and going round to the long standing occupants next door and asking for the kids not to use their garden because of their dog!
The dog who barks constantly!

It's breathtaking!

They clearly have ZERO social radar. And will probably be total arses about it.

But OP stopping your lads using their garden in the summer is very unfair.

Frankly your neighbours need to get their arses in gear and get some help with their dog. Not punish your family for it.