New neighbours complaining that our kids are distressing their dog

[InYerFace]

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound.

I'm really torn on what to do. I'm sympathetic to their situation and I really don't want to fall out with them. I know the dog has problems because it barks at us from his side of the fence whenever we go out in the garden. When they came round to complain they brought the dog with them to show us what it's like - the woman had it in her arms and it spent the whole time growling and baring its teeth.

The kids had two friends over yesterday and they were playing basketball. My dilemma is that while I'm sympathetic, I don't think the noise they were making was excessive - no screaming, no music blaring, just the sound of kids playing in the garden. The ball doesn't thud loudly on the floor as the garden is grass with no paving or decking so its muffled, but it does clatter when it hits the hoop.

I get that the clatter would be annoying after a while, but I wouldn't say it was any more annoying than the noise of their dog barking at us through the fence and I wouldn't dream of complaining about that. It's just part and parcel of life.

Last set of neighbours never complained about the kids playing, but they did have grandkids of their own who came regularly and made a fair bit of noise so they were probably as immune to the noise of kids playing as we are!

They also said they were worried that the ball would come over and hit their dog, even though it didn't.

I've told the kids they're not to play basketball anymore to keep neighbourly relations cordial, but it is a shame as they absolutely love it and it will probably mean they're just inside playing X Box.

The problem is is that because they're teens, most of the games they'd want to play in the garden do involve some kind of ball. Do I just resign myself to a summer of them sat inside? We do have a local park but it's quite some distance away and seems a shame they can't use their own garden.

[10HailMarys]

Yeah, I absolutely love dogs but this is a problem that your neighbours need to manage. My neighbours used to have a dog that got agitated when we were in our garden and it heard us talking, or if I was gardening near the fence, but they would never in a million years have asked us to stop using the garden! I've had a reactive dog myself and certain things our neighbours did in their garden used to really bother her, but that wasn't the neighbours' fault. I wouldn't have asked them not to use a strimmer or suggested they stop their daughter from riding in her electric toy car thing just because it wound my dog up! It was my problem to manage. The only time I ever spoke to them in relation to my dog was when their child was deliberately poking things through the fence at her to tease her.

Your neighbours knew they had a super-reactive dog when they moved into the house. They cannot possibly expect people not to play ball games etc or make a noise in their own gardens. Do not stop your sons from playing basketball.

They're being ridiculous about the possibility of the ball hitting their dog too. People with dogs, including tiny dogs, live next door to people with kids with zero problem all over the bloody world.

[Thatboymum]

Why did her dogs needs come above your children’s rite to normal play in their own garden ? I’d be sympathetic yes but I wouldn’t stop living my life in my own home because they bought a dog that needs a quiet life. They can move to an isolated area if it bothers them that much or keep it inside when they can see you are in your garden

[sunglassesonthetable]

They also seem clueless about actual dogs.

Just the bringing round of the growling, teeth baring dog ( in their arms ) sounds all sorts of wrong.

They are ridiculous.

[Dogtooth]

Screw that. Let your kids play in their own garden.

As for the dog, I'd also be checking the fence carefully to make sure it couldn't get through, if it's growling and stressed about your kids being there, I wouldn't want any chance it could get to them through a loose panel or whatever.

[WhatsWithAllTheCarrots]

@PathOfLeastResitance

I think I would come to a compromise. You will be using your garden and you will being doing that between X and Y time. They can’t dictate what happens in your garden if you are doing anything excessive. What are they doing to support their dog to not be reactive? For the dog to be happy they need to train it better. I see that to them the dog is very important but to me, it’s a dog and is below humans in the pecking order. It doesn’t get equal time in the garden to a human. Since loads of people have got dogs it seems that they expect dogs to have the same ‘rights’ as people and to me, that’s not correct. I say this as a dog lover but but my dog knows the hierarchy.

Absolutely agree with this. Don't stop your kids from playing basketball! But perhaps it would be neighbourly to say that you will have a pre-agreed window of time each day (two hours is ample) where they definitely won't be playing.

[Hotenoughtoburnasausage]

Remind them your dc will have left home in say 10 years so the noise won't be forever!
Poor ddog hasn't got much chance with them has it?
Ignore and live as usual op.

[JustJustWhy]

@Hugasauras

Tough. The fact they brought round a distressed dog to stand on your doorstep shows they don't have a clue in the first place. It's their problem to manage and if they aren't equipped to take on a difficult rescue then they shouldn't have done it. Their job is to help their dog get used to normal life, not expect life to change to suit their dog.

I came here to say this. Outrageous that they brought a snarling, growling dog to your doorstep and I adore dogs and am very sensitive to rescues.

[Tessasanderson]

Please do not ever stop your children playing in the garden. These people are batshit crazy if they think their problem is anything to do with you. Whats next? Asking the birds not to fly into the garden. What about the wasps?

These people have a rescue dog......so what. I am a dog lover and absolutely would never harm a dog (2 of my own) but if they were in this situation then unfortunately it would be my problem to solve with

1. Paid for training
   
2. Move it indoors or take it for a walk
   
3. Move house
   
   Its got diddly squat to do with your kids playing basket ball.
   
   We have kids playing in all the surrounding gardens. We have kids bouncing on trampolines. We even have a cat sunbathing in the garden next door. If my 2 started being noisy, it would be my responsibility to sort, not theirs. Thankfully my 2 found it so much fun to stand for 1hr looking at next doors cat in amazement without so much as a muscle moved.

[SpiderVersed]

@BeanieTeen nailed it. WTAF we’re they doing bringing a growling snarling dog to your door??

Of course your teens and their friends should be out having fun in your garden.

[Sunbun19]

@IncompleteSenten

No. Don't do anything.
The second you cave to one request, she'll be round with another. Then another. You'll have shown her that she can demand anything from you and before you know it you'll be tiptoeing round your house and sneaking your clothes to the launderette because you've been banned from using your washing machine.

I'm sorry your dog is so reactive. That must be hard for you. Hopefully you will get a trainer to help you. I won't be stopping my children using the garden.

Million times this!

[ISaidHeyWhatsGoingOn]

I'm an animal person with no kids and your neighbour is being ridiculous. Fair enough if your kids were actively targeting the dog, but they're not.

It sounds like your neighbours don't understand the challenges in front of them and what their responsibilities are. Ignore them before they start adding arms and legs to their requests.

[DillDanding]

Please don’t stop your kids from playing basketball, that is just not fair.

Just be respectful and monitor the noise levels.

your neighbours are completely unreasonable.

[gatehouseoffleet]

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound

The key word here is NEW. They moved in. They should have bought a house in the middle of nowhere if they wanted peace and quiet. And OF COURSE it is a rescue dog. They want you to know that they are such good people for taking in a dog that needed a home. (no, they just wanted a dog).

Ignore their ridiculous demands. You were there first. When you buy a house you do your due diligence. Using your garden in the daytime is reasonable (and younger children might scream and shout while playing - teens are usually a bit quieter!)

And having a dog that growls and bares its teeth is a menace anyway.

[Allthegoodnamestakken]

I am a dog lover who has in the past complained to neighbors about their children tormenting my dogs through the fence but your neighbor is completely unreasonable. It is their responsibility to desensitize and train the dog. If they cannot do that or the dog is to traumatised for that then they should not have taken it without a guarantee of a quiet home i.e rural with a big secure garden and no neighbours

[FatBettyintheCoop]

@InYerFace

Oh thanks all. You're all pretty much saying what my DH did after they left! We don't have a dog so I was trying to put myself in their shoes as I know people love their pets as if they're children. They also told me that it was a rescue on its third home and it had been abused before, so I did feel bad that we were upsetting it.

So what? It’s not your problem to solve, OP.

They shouldn’t have a taken on a dog that already clearly had issues and is still suffering. The rescue should have done more to find suitable experienced owners capable of caring properly for the dog instead of those two clowns.

No, I wouldn’t be keeping the kids in. It’s the summer and that’s why you bought a house with a garden. Kids noise is fine compared to loud thumping music blaring at all hours. Ignore.

[catandcoffee]

I can't believe the cheek of some people.
Why on earth did you entertain them and say your children won't play in their garden ?.

Honestly this is crazy.

[CoffeeLover90]

My dog was not a distressed rescue but he did bark at kids next door when they played football. Not nastily, he just wanted to join in. When he did that I took him inside. Never, in a million years would I have asked for the kids to stop playing in their own garden. You are being unreasonable by complying with their ridiculous commands. Their dogs behavior is not your problem and you've been nice enough not to complain about the barking.

[Brigante9]

That’s a ridiculous thing for them to do! They need to get the dog in if it’s distressed by the noise of normal children’s playing. Batshit. My lot have free rein to wander, but if something winds them up and they bark, they’re made to come in, I’m not about to tell the neighbour’s kids to be silent during hot weather/their holidays. I hope you didn’t agree to do as they asked.

[TokyoTen]

Please don't stop your kids and their mates playing in your garden. Your NDN's behaviour is ridiculous. A hectic game in your own garden provided it's not the middle of the night or music blaring is fine. They need to get help with their dog and I'l be telling them so.

[MyDogTails]

i suspect that if it wasn’t about the dog, it’d be something else. Bringing around a growling, teeth baring dog is a threatening move and I’d be seriously unimpressed.
Keep the teens playing outside and enjoy life as it was before.
This is on them to manage.

[Govesdancingpartner]

It is a no from me
Op what are you thinking of telling your dc they cannot play outside because you don't want to fall out with the neighbours
You are showing your dc that the neighbours dog is more important than your children
Sod the neighbours your children are your priority not the neighbour

[ThreeLocusts]

I understand wanting to be kind to new neighbours but no way is it fair that the kids can't play ball in their own garden b/o a thin-skinned dog.

They can keep the dog inside, surely? Train it, get it therapy, whatever?

I'd contact them and explain that you've thought it over and will let your kids back into the garden since their dog's needs don't trump your children's, and they need to sort out their dog on their own territory.

[Onlyhuman123]

You sound lovely but allowing a dog that isn't yours dictate whether your kids use their own garden is a bit much. Please don't stop your kids from playing in the garden. If the neighbours bought a house in a neighbourhood of other similar family homes, they need to expect family noise! They also need to arrange some therapy for the dog.

And as another PP said, the minute you give in to this, she'll be knocking the door complaining about something else...

[Wombat100]

I’m a massive animal lover (love animals more than most people 🤣) but the neighbours are being ridiculous. I feel for the dog but they need to invest in getting specialist training for its issues. If the kids were constantly screaming etc then that’s a different conversation but if they’re just playing basketball then they’re doing absolutely nothing wrong.

[SpilltheTea]

Don't pander to that crap, they have a screw loose. They need to be getting help for their dog, it absolutely doesn't need to be suffering like that.