New neighbours complaining that our kids are distressing their dog

[InYerFace]

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound.

I'm really torn on what to do. I'm sympathetic to their situation and I really don't want to fall out with them. I know the dog has problems because it barks at us from his side of the fence whenever we go out in the garden. When they came round to complain they brought the dog with them to show us what it's like - the woman had it in her arms and it spent the whole time growling and baring its teeth.

The kids had two friends over yesterday and they were playing basketball. My dilemma is that while I'm sympathetic, I don't think the noise they were making was excessive - no screaming, no music blaring, just the sound of kids playing in the garden. The ball doesn't thud loudly on the floor as the garden is grass with no paving or decking so its muffled, but it does clatter when it hits the hoop.

I get that the clatter would be annoying after a while, but I wouldn't say it was any more annoying than the noise of their dog barking at us through the fence and I wouldn't dream of complaining about that. It's just part and parcel of life.

Last set of neighbours never complained about the kids playing, but they did have grandkids of their own who came regularly and made a fair bit of noise so they were probably as immune to the noise of kids playing as we are!

They also said they were worried that the ball would come over and hit their dog, even though it didn't.

I've told the kids they're not to play basketball anymore to keep neighbourly relations cordial, but it is a shame as they absolutely love it and it will probably mean they're just inside playing X Box.

The problem is is that because they're teens, most of the games they'd want to play in the garden do involve some kind of ball. Do I just resign myself to a summer of them sat inside? We do have a local park but it's quite some distance away and seems a shame they can't use their own garden.

[Wetblanket78]

No don't stop them they're being rediculous. Tell them to take they're dog to a dog trainer and some socialisation classes. Will they say the same when they're out with a dog and the dog goes for a child? If the dog is that anxious they can get medication from the vet's to calm them.

[Goldbar]

YABU to tell your kids to stop playing. There's only one nuisance here and it's the snarling, barking dog not the children.

Let your kids play and, if she comes around again, tell her that the dog is disturbing you and your children in your own garden and she needs to put a stop to it otherwise you might be forced to report it.

[TwoLeftSocksWithHoles]

Have you got a trampoline?

If not, get one! 😂

[Livpool]

I would tell them to jog on.

One of my neighbours plays (to me) awful dance music on a Saturday afternoon and is loud - I get on with it. I am sure DS annoys her playing sometimes

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

I'm a dog owner. Please don't stop your children playing in the garden. My dog is pretty chilled but he sometimes gets set off by our neighbours dog who barks a lot. I either play with mine to distract him, or take him inside until he calms down.

[dizzydizzydizzy]

Your neighbours are being ridiculous. Please tell your kids they can continue playing. If you want to be nice to the neighbours, tell them when they are about to play.

[jammiewhammie65]

I think they are being very unreasonable and your kids are allowed to enjoy playing g ball I. Their garden as long as it's not slamming their fence. It's their problem their dog doesn't like it. However I do think kids would be better off going to a park if you have one they can walk to as ball games are a bit pointless In A small garden. It would also get them out more if they did that

[sourdoughismyreligion]

Your neighbours are being completely unreasonable. They have no right to ask your children not to play in their own garden.

I've had a reactive dog, and she couldn't cope with my neighbours being in their gardens at all. She'd bark and growl at the fence. I wouldn't have dreamed of telling my neighbours to stay in the house to avoid upsetting my dog. Reactive dogs are the problem of their owners, not the neighbours.

If she turns up again suggest to her she invest in good quality training and socialisation classes.

[beachcitygirl]

Sod that.

It's a dog. Not a baby.

Some (and I stress the some) think dogs are babies.

Your kids playing in your garden trumps her dog. Every single time.

[NoNoNoooo]

Their dog. Not your problem. Let them play basketball (it’s fantastic that your teens are actually using the garden).

For context, my neighbours dog is very protective (although not a rescue) and woofs everytime we’re all using our gardens. She is nothing but apologetic.

If their dog is aggressive, they will have to keep it in whenever you choose to use your garden. 100% their problem.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Did they get the dog after they moved in or did they move with him? If they already knew you had kids it's unfair of them to expect you kids to change for their dog. If they moved with dog it's on them to check their new home is suitable for their family

Send the kids out

[Whatdayisittodayhelp]

I would go around the next time the dog is barking and complain. They can keep the dog in the house if it’s that scared of the ball

[sourdoughismyreligion]

@InYerFace

Oh thanks all. You're all pretty much saying what my DH did after they left! We don't have a dog so I was trying to put myself in their shoes as I know people love their pets as if they're children. They also told me that it was a rescue on its third home and it had been abused before, so I did feel bad that we were upsetting it.

This is very sad but still not your problem. They need to support their dog in being able to cope with the world, not demand the world stop what it's doing in order to not upset their dog.

[Beachmummy23]

We have a golden retriever and just got a basket ball hoop. Similar set up to you on grass so just noise going through net. Dog barked initially for first few days but now ignores it.could you offer them to bring the dog in (with them) so it can see the net and understand what the noise is? Please don't stop your children playing x

[Staynow]

So they think the best thing for an extremely anxious dog is for them to just leave it in the garden all day? How convenient for them and awful for the dog. They need to take the dog in and work with it, not just leave it outside hoping it improves all by itself while expecting everyone around to stay quiet for it. The entitlement of people just never fails to amaze me.

[Bunnyannesummers]

Can you move the basket ball hoop to further away from them?

[Mississipi71]

@BlackeyedSusan

Definitely sod that. Tell them you are worried their dog will get through and hurt the kids and they should control their dog.

What balanced reasoning, not.

[Hopeandlove]

@whowhatwerewhy

I wouldn't stop my children playing in there own garden.
If the dog is distressed they should take it into the house.

This and put the radio on for it

[Mississipi71]

@Whatdayisittodayhelp

I would go around the next time the dog is barking and complain. They can keep the dog in the house if it’s that scared of the ball

The lack of compassion for an anxious dog, who could have been abused in the past, is astounding.

[SirVixofVixHall]

@IncompleteSenten

No. Don't do anything.
The second you cave to one request, she'll be round with another. Then another. You'll have shown her that she can demand anything from you and before you know it you'll be tiptoeing round your house and sneaking your clothes to the launderette because you've been banned from using your washing machine.

I'm sorry your dog is so reactive. That must be hard for you. Hopefully you will get a trainer to help you. I won't be stopping my children using the garden.

This . I completely agree.
Their reactive dog is for them to sort out, it isn’t your problem to solve.

[Mascia]

@IncompleteSenten

No. Don't do anything.
The second you cave to one request, she'll be round with another. Then another. You'll have shown her that she can demand anything from you and before you know it you'll be tiptoeing round your house and sneaking your clothes to the launderette because you've been banned from using your washing machine.

I'm sorry your dog is so reactive. That must be hard for you. Hopefully you will get a trainer to help you. I won't be stopping my children using the garden.

This. We had a neighbour like this when we were renting a flat a while back. Our landlord who used to live in the flat himself with his kids before we moved in said she used to come up and complain about the kids playing every two to three weeks.
I definitely wouldn’t expect my kids to spend the summer inside and not use their own garden.

[Mississipi71]

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Have you got a trampoline?

If not, get one! 😂

How cruel.

[Goldbar]

@Mississipi71

The lack of compassion for an anxious dog, who could have been abused in the past, is astounding.

If the dog can't deal with normal residential noise, then they are the wrong family for it (or they should have bought a different house).

[ZeroFuchsGiven]

Please don't tell your kids not to play because of a batshit neighbour and her mutt.

[SirVixofVixHall]

I should add that I have a dog and love dogs. Their dog needs to get used to the noise of this new place, they can’t possibly police everything. They should be working with a behaviourist to gradually calm the dog into reacting less to background noise.
I had a neighbour who complained about my then toddler dc playing in my garden , I kept them inside and tried to minimise any noise as she was unwell and very difficult. Over ten years later my teens still don’t use our garden as it became this stressful thing for them. Your children should be able to play and enjoy the garden.