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AIBU?

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Original poster

New neighbours complaining that our kids are distressing their dog

379 replies

InYerFace · 01/08/2022 09:31

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound.

I'm really torn on what to do. I'm sympathetic to their situation and I really don't want to fall out with them. I know the dog has problems because it barks at us from his side of the fence whenever we go out in the garden. When they came round to complain they brought the dog with them to show us what it's like - the woman had it in her arms and it spent the whole time growling and baring its teeth.

The kids had two friends over yesterday and they were playing basketball. My dilemma is that while I'm sympathetic, I don't think the noise they were making was excessive - no screaming, no music blaring, just the sound of kids playing in the garden. The ball doesn't thud loudly on the floor as the garden is grass with no paving or decking so its muffled, but it does clatter when it hits the hoop.

I get that the clatter would be annoying after a while, but I wouldn't say it was any more annoying than the noise of their dog barking at us through the fence and I wouldn't dream of complaining about that. It's just part and parcel of life.

Last set of neighbours never complained about the kids playing, but they did have grandkids of their own who came regularly and made a fair bit of noise so they were probably as immune to the noise of kids playing as we are!

They also said they were worried that the ball would come over and hit their dog, even though it didn't.

I've told the kids they're not to play basketball anymore to keep neighbourly relations cordial, but it is a shame as they absolutely love it and it will probably mean they're just inside playing X Box.

The problem is is that because they're teens, most of the games they'd want to play in the garden do involve some kind of ball. Do I just resign myself to a summer of them sat inside? We do have a local park but it's quite some distance away and seems a shame they can't use their own garden.

OP posts:
Mississipi71 · 05/08/2022 11:14

I have questioned whether it is reasonable or not, without being there to see how excessive the noise is. My point is that plenty of parents trump their kids over anything and rightly so. There are though circumstances in which some parents are not reasonable and that is seen a lot on MN. Just because you have kids, doesn't mean they can make as much noise as they want without consideration for others. The OP, herself has questioned whether she has become so used to it, that she doesnt see the basketball noise being excessive. A constant thump thump from the ball alone, would be annoying Never mind , their garden, their rules. I am happy to be in the minority on this one. The OP has been a lot more reasonable than the its only a damn dog brigade.

DameHelena · 05/08/2022 11:46

Mississipi71 · 05/08/2022 11:14

I have questioned whether it is reasonable or not, without being there to see how excessive the noise is. My point is that plenty of parents trump their kids over anything and rightly so. There are though circumstances in which some parents are not reasonable and that is seen a lot on MN. Just because you have kids, doesn't mean they can make as much noise as they want without consideration for others. The OP, herself has questioned whether she has become so used to it, that she doesnt see the basketball noise being excessive. A constant thump thump from the ball alone, would be annoying Never mind , their garden, their rules. I am happy to be in the minority on this one. The OP has been a lot more reasonable than the its only a damn dog brigade.

TBF it's not that polarised; I and many others are not saying 'it's only a damn dog'; we're saying the neighbour needs to train/handle their dog so its scared and aggressive behaviour around other people and noise improves.
This will result in a less stressed and happier dog, as well as owners who won't need to be so worried about it and children who can carry on playing in their garden.

sunglassesonthetable · 05/08/2022 12:20

There are though circumstances in which some parents are not reasonable and that is seen a lot on MN. Just because you have kids, doesn't mean they can make as much noise as they want without consideration for others. The OP, herself has questioned whether she has become so used to it, that she doesnt see the basketball noise being excessive. A constant thump thump from the ball alone, would be annoying Never mind , their garden, their rules. I am happy to be in the minority on this one. The OP has been a lot more reasonable than the its only a damn dog brigade.

Yes kids sometimes make unreasonable noise. Sometimes they don't. Just like some dogs bark a lot and some don't.

I don't see what point you're making really.

Jedsnewstar · 05/08/2022 12:26

Your teen kids are out getting exercise and fresh air not stuck on insta. This is important. Your neighbors are ridiculous.

Cw122 · 05/08/2022 23:22

I would advise the kids to do what they can to be sympathetic to the dog and aware of it because I think most kids are compassionate that they'd want to help if they can, but they shouldn't be stopped from playing in their own back garden as that's just normal noise of kids living. When the neighbours decided to adopt that dog/ move into that house they need to take steps to meet the dogs needs like putting up thicker fencing so the dog can't see you and doing socialising training so the dog learns not to bark every time it sees someone. That's their responsibility not yours. I'd go back to them and say that you're very sympathetic and you'll explain to the kids that the dog is going to need them to be mindful when they play outside but that is important they're able to use their garden to play instead of sitting on xbox all day. And you could suggest they see a trainer or work on socialising and if there's other ways you can support that like ignoring the dog or treating it when you see it or whatever they feel is appropriate then you can do that. But you can't compromise your kids right to play in their own garden. If they adopted the dog then some shelters will provide training to help adoptions last so could even suggest they get in touch to see what the shelter would recommend. I'd be really nice and polite about it but also firm. Poor doggo needs to learn and there's other things they can do to help him.

Mississipi71 · 05/08/2022 23:34

sunglassesonthetable · 05/08/2022 12:20

There are though circumstances in which some parents are not reasonable and that is seen a lot on MN. Just because you have kids, doesn't mean they can make as much noise as they want without consideration for others. The OP, herself has questioned whether she has become so used to it, that she doesnt see the basketball noise being excessive. A constant thump thump from the ball alone, would be annoying Never mind , their garden, their rules. I am happy to be in the minority on this one. The OP has been a lot more reasonable than the its only a damn dog brigade.

Yes kids sometimes make unreasonable noise. Sometimes they don't. Just like some dogs bark a lot and some don't.

I don't see what point you're making really.

I don't see what you are adding either. I have made a point, you don't see it. I thought it was clearly outlined.

Rainallnight · 05/08/2022 23:43

There is now way on God’s earth that actual human children should be prevented from playing in their own garden because it makes a dog nervous.

This is madness.

OP, you have got to put your kids first. Kids have been through so much over the past few years and playing outside is just so good for physical and mental health.

Rainallnight · 05/08/2022 23:43

*no way. So outraged by this I can’t even type properly 😂

SammySays · 05/08/2022 23:45

As someone with a nervous rescue dog I would never consider asking a neighbour to keep the noise down out of fear of upsetting the dog! In addition to that, the dog needs to be exposed to these type of sounds if it is ever going to build confidence. I can’t believe the cheek of your neighbours. Please allow your children to continue using your garden, much better to be taking part in an outdoor sport than sitting on the Xbox.

clpsmum · 06/08/2022 09:27

@Mississipi71 yea do!

Mississipi71 · 06/08/2022 11:05

clpsmum · 06/08/2022 09:27

@Mississipi71 yea do!

????

OperaStation · 06/08/2022 11:10

The dog situation in this country is getting out of hand. People expect no end of special treatment for their sodding “fur babies”.

don’t stop your kids from playing in the garden. That’s what gardens are for.

If they have a nervous dog then they will have to keep the dog inside for the handful of minutes/hours each day that the kids are playing in the garden.

I genuinely can’t get over how unreasonable they have been.

clpsmum · 06/08/2022 12:48

@Mississipi71 what are the question marks for? Yes do take that action regarding kids if that gives you a little power grip. Dogs are not as important as people. If you want your nervous dog not to be disturbed by children playing in their own garden don't buy a house with neighbours

clpsmum · 06/08/2022 12:49

OperaStation · 06/08/2022 11:10

The dog situation in this country is getting out of hand. People expect no end of special treatment for their sodding “fur babies”.

don’t stop your kids from playing in the garden. That’s what gardens are for.

If they have a nervous dog then they will have to keep the dog inside for the handful of minutes/hours each day that the kids are playing in the garden.

I genuinely can’t get over how unreasonable they have been.

Agree. I love dogs but I'm afraid children playing in their own garden is in no way unreasonable

rainbowmilk · 06/08/2022 13:09

YANBU OP, crack on.

Whenever I hear people carrying on about dogs and entitled dog owners and fur babies and mutts, I assume they’re one of those parents who’s discovered that many people are way more interested in dogs than their children, and is furious about it. There’s a real undertone of jealousy to it, that people will fawn over any random dog they see but find kids annoying.

Endlesslypatient82 · 06/08/2022 15:06

How often are your teens genuinely out in the garden playing ball games op?

sunglassesonthetable · 06/08/2022 23:37

How often are your teens genuinely out in the garden playing ball games op?

OP has already genuinely explained how long.

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 07:54

sunglassesonthetable · 06/08/2022 23:37

How often are your teens genuinely out in the garden playing ball games op?

OP has already genuinely explained how long.

Nope. Read all the OP’s posts and no where does she say how regularly her teens are actually going out in the garden to play ball.

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 07:56

out of interest, when you say teens - are we talking 13 and 14 or 18 and 19?

the neighbour has no right whatsoever to ask them to start playing

but I am wondering whether this is a bit of a mountain out of a molehill because your teens actually very rarely go out in your garden to play ball games

sunglassesonthetable · 07/08/2022 09:12

Nope. Read all the OP’s posts and no where does she say how regularly her teens are actually going out in the garden to play ball.

What the actual timings?

give us a break.

Endlesslypatient82 · 07/08/2022 09:14

sunglassesonthetable · 07/08/2022 09:12

Nope. Read all the OP’s posts and no where does she say how regularly her teens are actually going out in the garden to play ball.

What the actual timings?

give us a break.

No!

as in how regularly!

ie her teens go out and play ball games once in a blue moon.

or every day morning and afternoon

Just to get an idea of how often this actually happens as i don’t know many teens put playing ball games in their gardens.

But said the op did clarify anyway. But… she didn’t?

SmudgeButt · 13/08/2022 18:12

Tell them you understand completely and they shouldn't worry. Your little darlings will be off to uni sometime in the next 5 - 10 years and then it will be nice and peaceful.

Mommentator · 14/08/2022 05:26

Not an inch. The dog's anxiety will resolve in time - poor chap - and the next visitation will be to tell you your grass is growing too loudly.

alfgarnett · 14/08/2022 13:25

no way should they be stopped from playing out obviously previous to buying the house they must of realised there was kids nx door im afraid to say i think i would of told them where to go and i would much prefer to hear children playing than the constant racket of dogs barking which is what i have here where i live its bloody torture some days

Lucia1234 · 15/08/2022 11:36

I have a dog and although I am sympathetic to their dog I don't see why your boys should have to stop playing outside in their Garden! As one of your previous responses has suggested, they can always bring the dog inside. My dog constantly barks at my neighbours cat (I'm sure the little minx winds him up on purpose 😁) and when he gets too much I put him indoors as I don't want to upset my neighbours with his constant barking.