New neighbours complaining that our kids are distressing their dog

[InYerFace]

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound.

I'm really torn on what to do. I'm sympathetic to their situation and I really don't want to fall out with them. I know the dog has problems because it barks at us from his side of the fence whenever we go out in the garden. When they came round to complain they brought the dog with them to show us what it's like - the woman had it in her arms and it spent the whole time growling and baring its teeth.

The kids had two friends over yesterday and they were playing basketball. My dilemma is that while I'm sympathetic, I don't think the noise they were making was excessive - no screaming, no music blaring, just the sound of kids playing in the garden. The ball doesn't thud loudly on the floor as the garden is grass with no paving or decking so its muffled, but it does clatter when it hits the hoop.

I get that the clatter would be annoying after a while, but I wouldn't say it was any more annoying than the noise of their dog barking at us through the fence and I wouldn't dream of complaining about that. It's just part and parcel of life.

Last set of neighbours never complained about the kids playing, but they did have grandkids of their own who came regularly and made a fair bit of noise so they were probably as immune to the noise of kids playing as we are!

They also said they were worried that the ball would come over and hit their dog, even though it didn't.

I've told the kids they're not to play basketball anymore to keep neighbourly relations cordial, but it is a shame as they absolutely love it and it will probably mean they're just inside playing X Box.

The problem is is that because they're teens, most of the games they'd want to play in the garden do involve some kind of ball. Do I just resign myself to a summer of them sat inside? We do have a local park but it's quite some distance away and seems a shame they can't use their own garden.

"Oh how lovely that you've taken on a rescue dog. It's probably best you keep him/her inside until he/ she can cope with the sound of children playing."

Let the children play.

People with dogs and no kids seem to think of kids as a nuisance. Let your kids play in the garden, the dogs needs to get used to it's new surroundings.

The dog is an animal.. and one that is aggressive at that. I say kids trump dog, they should put the dog down, problem solved for all.

You can get nets to stop the ball going over - BUUUUUT you are under no obligation to do so.
if your kids are not being excessively noisy or say playing at 3am then they are allowed to have enjoyment of their own home Inc garden - it’s not their fault the neighbours have such a reactive dog and you could easily make the argument that if the dog is that sensitive, neighbours should live more rurally

next they’ll complain you are laughing too loudly at a film & it’s upsetting the dog - sorry but it’s ridiculous & I’ve lots of experience with rescues

I’m a dog owner, it’s my responsibility to make sure the dog is comfortable in its surroundings. In other words your neighbours need a behaviourist to sort out their dogs issues with noise!

I’m the proud owner of a Romanian rescue dog who was terrified of everything and anything when she first arrived.

Lovely chap over the road has a motorbike which, as a street dog, seemed to trigger real fear. She loves him and the bike now, slow and steady introduction to the garden when he would set off and come back from work. There’s no way on god’s little green that I would have gone over and said sorry John, you can’t use your bike as it’s frightening my dog!

The dog (and it’s owners) need some training and for it’s owners to help it adjust.

What a stupid thing to say.

I have a reactive rescue with big issues and a regular dog who did use to patrol the boarders and bark at people in their gardens. I would never ever tell my neighbours to stop their lives to keep my dogs happy! They are extremely entitled and letting the dogs behavior control everyone.

My regular dog is very friendly but territorial so did like people near his boundaries. So I simply introduced him to them every time and asked them to give him a treat (I gave them some). He settled very quickly. My reactive rescue was more difficult but with training and persevering on my part he now isn't bothered who does what in the gardens.

It is their responsibility to work with their dog not yours to stop living your life. If they aren't willing to work to help their rescue they really aren't the right people to have it! Reactive dogs are just terrified dogs that don't feel safe in the surrounding a where they are reacting, with confident owners making them feel safe in their space they stop reacting. Pandering and cotton woolling them only makes the fear worse and them more reactive and that can make them snappy and unpredictable which isn't fair on them or other people.

Gentle exposure therapy and positive re-enforcement is the way to go with reactive during dogs. They really shouldn't have moved next to kids if they knew what their dog was like.

If the dog is now on it's 3rd home then it seems it's the dog that has the issue.

They need to consult that dog chappy off the TV, the one with the cravat, he will soon get it sorted out. The problem is theirs to work through with the dog, not yours.

They are being ridiculous.

I would invite them to bring the dog round, on a short fixed lead, to get socialised with your teens. The neighbours teens and dog could all go for a walk, then sit in your garden chatting. Do this until the dog is familiar enough with the kids to take a treat from them, sit quiet for eye contact and stroking, be let off the lead in garden with the kids.

The neighbours can get stuffed. I'm sorry, but my children being able to enjoy their own garden in a normal and reasonable way, takes priority over a neighbours dog.
And if you pander to them on this, next week/month it'll be something else. And before you know it, you'll be tiptoeing around your own property, afraid of upsetting a DOG that isn't even yours!

Your nieghbours are b@tsh*t and are they are being more than unreasonable with their request.

In this situation, I would politely stand my ground with them and allow your son and his friends to play basketball for as long as they like.

The advantages of sport to your sons and his friends health and wellbeing is most important and the nieghbour needs to stop stressing over it because the dog is sensing their stress as all animals do.

Your nieghbour needs to deal with the dog without being a nuiscance to their nieghbours and their teens.

They took a dog with issues, it is absolutely their problem. I would be more concerned about its barking bothering you. Play in the garden.

Any developments OP?

Wow. Honestly some people are so entitled. I really hate these type of dog owners. It's your garden and while I understand that the dog is a rescue and has obviously had something terribly wrong done to it for it to be so sensitive to noises, that is on the new owners to address and not for them to expect everyone around them to halt their lives for.

I've had a similar situation with my brother. He and his Gf bought a Romanian rescue and shes terribly frightened of everything, even a balloon. It was my daughters 5th birthday party and I had invited them round, they then asked if they could bring their dog, to which i said was fine, however there would be kids and balls etc, they said fine.

Roll on to the event and my brother asked me if i could stop the kids playing with the balloons because it was making the dog upset.. i said nicely that it was a party and I did say so before hand and the response I got was 'honestly that's really boomer of you to not take an animals needs into consideration' 🤣😂

Again, some people are extremely precious and entitled.

Enjoy your garden and enjoy listening to you teens playing nicely, they wont want to be in the garden for much longer and you'll wish you didnt agree to such requests when they're gone.

I've read all your posts, and as the owner of a noise-reactive dog (though not a rescue), I can see both sides.

My suggestion, and apologies if this has already been made, ask them if the rescue has a trainer who can work with the dog, and potentially also collaborate with them to have controlled times of having your kids in the garden when the trainer is there (maybe in small doses) so the trainer can work on it in a predictable way?

Where we live in a cul de sac we have primary aged kids scooting, biking and going up and down in a ride on tractor, screaming, yelling, having fun - in a v 1950s pretty wholesome way TBH! It is loud and it drives my dog mental - it doesn't bother me otherwise! (We also have zero front garden as it is a new build, so they are v close to front windows). But - I move him away, ignore it, or try to use it as a training opportunity. It would be easier to do the latter if I knew it was going to happen...hence the suggestion that you could say you would be happy to help support the training, so the dog is re-conditioned to finding the noise of teens playing to be a positive thing which means exciting treats/toys/playtime instead of something threatening. It will take hard, consistent and committed work on their part - but it IS their job, not yours to keep your perfectly reasonable teens from playing in the garden in the middle of the afternoon.

Good luck with it all!

I'd be more bothered about my dog barking & making to much noise. I have a 1 year old pup & if he starts to bark in the garden I bring him in & then let him out once he's calmed himself down.
Much prefer the sounds of children playing then any dog barking.
YANBU. Sounds like this dog will react to whatever you do in your garden, when will it end.
If you had a dog & this dog reacted to it being in the garden, they would ask you to keep it in. Why one rule for them & another for you, your garden, your rules.

Your children have every right to play in your garden. Kids make noise, that’s life. It’s not like they’re playing basketball for 10 hours every day.
I’m the owner of a very nervous rescue dog, and I wouldn’t dream of asking children not to play in their own garden, it’s such a ludicrously entitled attitude. If this is such a big deal, they should’ve moved to a detached property, or they could keep the dog indoors.

Yes, let's just a destroy a dog on your say so. How utterly vile.

Sorry I’m late to the thread but wanted to comment because I am the dog owner in this scenario. My dog barks when the neighbours come into their gardens because he is very territorial. We always call him in when this happens. Do not stop your children playing. Your neighbours need to manage their dogs behaviour.

I am the same with my two. I call them in or manage it in other ways. Some of the nastiness on this thread though, is just awful. Advice of buying a trampoline, to wind the dog up further, the usual kids trump dogs, calling dogs, things and suggesting the dog is put down. Maybe the neighbours are unreasonable, as I said before, we dont know the full context but nobody has questioned that. It is the usual your garden your rules. Well that works both ways.

This. Too bad I'm afraid their dog their problem

Compromise is needed. If they are having friends over. Mention To them that they are coming and will be playing games in the garden if they want to keep their dog in

Your children have as much right to use their garden

I am going to start using that line, your kids, your problem. Your problem when their ball comes into my garden for the umpeenth time and I cba to get up from sunlounger to throw it back over. Your problem when your kids break my plants with their ball. Your kids, your responsibility, your bill.

I am going to start using that line, your kids, your problem. Your problem when their ball comes into my garden for the umpeenth time and I cba to get up from sunlounger to throw it back over. Your problem when your kids break my plants with their ball. Your kids, your responsibility, your bill.

Yep why not? Lots of people are like this.

I wouldn't but nothing new really. You seem to be waging some kind of battle on behalf of 'dog kind'. But lots of dog lovers on here can see the neighbours request is ridiculous.