New neighbours complaining that our kids are distressing their dog

[InYerFace]

New neighbours (a couple, late 40s so similar age to us, but no kids) came around last night to complain that the sound of our teen boys playing in the garden was upsetting their dog who is a rescue, very nervous and reactive to sound.

I'm really torn on what to do. I'm sympathetic to their situation and I really don't want to fall out with them. I know the dog has problems because it barks at us from his side of the fence whenever we go out in the garden. When they came round to complain they brought the dog with them to show us what it's like - the woman had it in her arms and it spent the whole time growling and baring its teeth.

The kids had two friends over yesterday and they were playing basketball. My dilemma is that while I'm sympathetic, I don't think the noise they were making was excessive - no screaming, no music blaring, just the sound of kids playing in the garden. The ball doesn't thud loudly on the floor as the garden is grass with no paving or decking so its muffled, but it does clatter when it hits the hoop.

I get that the clatter would be annoying after a while, but I wouldn't say it was any more annoying than the noise of their dog barking at us through the fence and I wouldn't dream of complaining about that. It's just part and parcel of life.

Last set of neighbours never complained about the kids playing, but they did have grandkids of their own who came regularly and made a fair bit of noise so they were probably as immune to the noise of kids playing as we are!

They also said they were worried that the ball would come over and hit their dog, even though it didn't.

I've told the kids they're not to play basketball anymore to keep neighbourly relations cordial, but it is a shame as they absolutely love it and it will probably mean they're just inside playing X Box.

The problem is is that because they're teens, most of the games they'd want to play in the garden do involve some kind of ball. Do I just resign myself to a summer of them sat inside? We do have a local park but it's quite some distance away and seems a shame they can't use their own garden.

Dog needs dont trump a kids needs

I always try and get on with neighbours AND I'm not a dog owner. But, I think it unreasonable for you to have to put up with dog barking when yo go out into your garden and your boys playing in the garden sounds very reasonable. In fact, you sounds like a nice person. I think its them that are unreasonable. Perhaps point out that you are unable t go into your garden without beg barked at and you hope they find a good dog trainer.

We have a noise reactive dog too. We keep her in if there’s loud stuff and monitor when she’s out as I don’t want her barking all the time. I wouldn’t dream of asking children of any age to stop playing in there own garden. If the ball was banging against the fence or coming over into mine then that’s another matter, but what you describe is something they have to deal with not make demands on you.

They’re mental why would they take an aggressive dog to your house? And who the heck do they think they are asking you not to use your garden???

Agree.

I have a reactive rescue dog (who thankfully loves children) so I get the issues here but there’s many reasons why dogs bark, mine barks and reacts to high energy and excitement because he wants to join in for example. It’s his breed, he sensed how nervous we were watching the football for example and reacts. What we do if he’s barking at neighbours is take him inside! Yes if noise went on all day I’d be a bit pissed off but I see that in most situations it’s my problem and my responsibility to remove him. I suspect they are new dog owners and don’t really understand their dogs behaviour enough yet. I would tell them that children have really have suffered with their mental health and need to release energy more than ever before and you can’t keep them out of the garden as it would fundamentally impact their well-being. And maybe compromise a little and ensure a few hours of peace a day for them.

You and your children are definitely not doing anything unreasonable. It’s nice to hear children playing. They sound as neurotic as their dog. Let your children play.

Maybe work out a time period where you don't use the garden and their dog can relax out there. That's the only solution I can think of. You can't stop your kids playing, would they rather they were out on the streets causing trouble.

Tell them to get a dog trainer, and if that doesn't work, get rid of the bloody dog. We have a crisis of teenage mental health and screen addiction--they need more time playing basketball outside, not less, and half the places where they might have played 50 years ago have been built on, sold off, or are now dominated by cars. They get to play in their own bloody garden, period.

Can't stand people who treat dogs like furry children. Their needs do not trump human needs.

They do in my house.

How do you know the are not being overtly loud? How do you know they are not making more noise to upset the dog, teasing it? Posters are normally told there's two sides to a story but surprise surprise on MN, this is never said on the multiple threads slating dogs.

OP, you sound a very decent person. All these people telling you to tell the neighbours where to go, haven't once questioned the reasonableness of playing basketball in a back garden, especially if there are more than two playing. You have asked yourself whether you have become desensitised to how loud they might be. You obviously also realise you don't want bad feeling. Yes, it is your garden and maybe you can talk to them and give them some suggestions for their dog. If you think they are being unreasonable and that your kids arent making unreasonable levels of noise, that's a different matter, but very few people have pointed this out and just gone gung ho.

What an uncomfortable situation to find yourself in.
I have a relatively new neighbour with a dog and cat. They’d only been in 5 minutes before they’d made everyone aware that the dog was nervous, that no one should let their dogs off lead when they were walking their dog and just generally dictating the rules.
I have no pets, but I’m certainly not keeping my playful grandchildren out of the garden when they come because they might make the dog anxious.

Absolutely would not be keeping children inside because a neighbour thinks the dog has a higher priority! Is it in the garden lots? Normal family noise/ play should t have to stop because a dog isn't happy- if the ball going over the fence is a possibility I'd move the ring away from that fence as a courtesy but that is as far as I'd be going. I really hope you didn't tell them you'd be curtailing the kids outside activities. If they are not out there pounding on the basketball hoop for 6 hours a day- which granted could be waring then im afraid they have to deal with it, not you.

What are they doing to support their dog to not be reactive? For the dog to be happy they need to train it better. I see that to them the dog is very important but to me, it’s a dog and is below humans in the pecking order. It doesn’t get equal time in the garden to a human. Since loads of people have got dogs it seems that they expect dogs to have the same ‘rights’ as people and to me, that’s not correct. I say this as a dog lover but but my dog knows the hierarchy.

THIS!!! I am so over the pandemic furloughed 'we got a dog to allow us to go for more walks and its our baby.' It's not it's a dog, very different from a human baby and needs appropriate training to stop it being a natural killer.

Let your kids play all they like.

If your kid was blaring music and screaming, the kind of thing you'd noise complain about anyway, or some way interacting with the dog over the fence, I'd say yeah pull it back. But just using the garden! No way, leave him to it. If anything its a good way for them to desensitise the dog to regular human noise.

They are being unreasonable. Your kids shouldn't have to stop playing. They are responsible for training their dog. They could use this as an opportunity to do some noise training. They need to go to a professional dog trainer to help with this. This is entirely their problem and not yours.

They are being unreasonable . They cannot just move in with a dog they chose to get and main st you about using your own garden. I have had dogs and would never complain to the neighbours about using their garden . If anything you should be complaining about their dog barking and distressing your children while playing in the garden . What a cheek ! It would be different if your kids were at the fence tormenting it or throwing things over but as that’s not the case carry on living your lives , it’s down to them to get their dog trained properly .

Let your kids play ball games in their own garden FFS.

As long as they aren't shrieking or playing music through speakers, your neighbours have no right to complain.

Print something from Google about desensitising dogs, shove it through their letterbox and let the kids play. God forbid they might end up like mine with headphones embedded in their ears, pale skin and a pile of plates and glasses in their rooms if not. I’m off to buy a hoop…

They should be more considerate where they move to in future. Totally unreasonable to try and dictate neighbours’ behaviour in their own gardens.

We are the same. Tbh we are more worried about our dog driving people crazy than the noise of the neighbours children. We would never suggest this to our neighbours, the cheek.

They need to adjust to the neighborhood. You were there first. Plus, it’s YOUR garden and your kids are not being outrageously noisy.

They are being absurd, and the dog baring its teeth proves nothing except that maybe it is a dangerous pet and YOU should be the person complaining. In fact, they may well have had problems because the dog attacked somebody where they lived before—you don’t know that this might not have been the case and perhaps they are trying to be first with the complaints in case their mutt starts causing trouble. So, ignore them and don’t make your own children curtail their reasonable play. Their dog belongs indoors if it’s so sensitive, and that not YOUR problem.

As a dog our owner and a parent to a three year old this is their issue not yours. They should take the steps to give their dog confidence and it that doesn’t work, they should take the dog into the house if it is reacting to people behaving normally in their back gardens. I wouldn’t let my dog stand outside if it was parking through a fence at someone!

If your kids are constantly bashing adjoining fence with ball or just screaming like idiots then YABU
if you’re NOT one of THOSE families who think they should be able to inflict noise/chaos onto others then YANBU