To not want to celebrate people's weddings/marriages

[Waferbiscuit]

There are a number of people in my office getting married and the grumpy old cynic in me is finding it hard to get excited. I'm not sure marriage means much these days, what with the almost 50% divorce rate. Given that it's a commitment that is fairly easy to escape from, what exactly are we celebrating - the hope that it will work out or a legal contract committing them to one another?

In fact I can't help but feel that for many couples marriage is primarily the joining together of two people's assets and/or protecting one another, and in that way perhaps couples need to be more discrete about marriage, a bit like one is when they win the lotto or come into an inheritance.... keep it quiet.

Of course if couples do want to make an emotional commitment to each other, that's between them and seems like something you'd agree to privately.

I'm happy to celebrate major achievements in life that involve a lot of effort, things like someone graduating with a Phd or getting a black belt in karate. But celebrating a commitment that can easily be unravelled or a legal contract that ensures the sharing of assets... well that doesn't seem much to celebrate, does it? AIBU?

I eloped to get married and it seemed ridiculous to spend money on just one day - our ceremony cost $200 and was just us. Still married, 15 years' later. I didn't feel the need to invite anyone to 'celebrate' us - the idea is strange to me!

I don't really enjoy weddings, to be honest. 9 times out of 10 they're awkward for the guests, lots of boring waiting, never get food when you need it, expensive to get to/stay over and that's after the outfits/gifts.

I'm a right wedding misery!

I'm no romantic, but I think yabu to think that people enter marriage 'these days' for reasons any different than they ever did. The fact that assets are combined does not remotely mean people don't love each other or aren't taking an important step in their lives by making a commitment to their partner and settling down, often to raise a family.

The fact that it can easily be unravelled is a good thing. Some marriages very much should be unravelled. That doesn't mean others aren't great. I know very few divorced people and have never been to a wedding I didn't enjoy or want to go to.

So yes, yabu and grumpy!

You remind me of my BIL who always finds something negative to say about any celebrations or joyous occasions. He just loves to suck the joy out of everything.

Then don’t. No one wants your intense negativity around their happy day.

"I'm happy to celebrate major achievements in life that involve a lot of effort, things like someone graduating with a Phd or getting a black belt in karate. But celebrating a commitment that can easily be unravelled or a legal contract that ensures the sharing of assets... well that doesn't seem much to celebrate, does it? AIBU?"

With that logic, how do you feel about big birthday celebrations? Not exactly an achievement either, but a nice excuse for a party.

What's your actual issue? Are you having to contribute to collections for people in the office and getting annoyed about it? Or are you invited to their weddings and don't want to go? Just stick a quid in, sign the card, and make your excuses for not going in plenty of notice.

Are you married OP?

You sound utterly joyless OP.

How miserable.

Christ almighty. There's not a lot of good going on in the world right now, so i tend to be happy if people I care about are happy; and don't read too much into it. You sound like you need a holiday

I've never been divorced myself, but am currently supporting a close relative who is going through the process and I certainly wouldn't describe what they're going througn as "easy". Painful, costly and stressful are words I would use to describe their experience and other friends and family have shared the same. You make it sound as though it's as easy as cancelling a gym membership or something. I also don't believe that people take marriage less seriously and get divorced on a whim "these days", I'm sure I've read that statistically most people who initiate divorce proceedings have been thinking about it for years before they take any action. Regardless, I don't think the fact that some marriages don't last forever is a valid reason not to be happy for friends and colleagues who have found someone they hope to spend the rest of their life with. You sound very bitter to be honest.

You sound like a dementor from Harry Potter, sucks the life out of things. Glad you don't work in my office 🙄

Another poster here who wants to know if OP is married.

Blimey, what a fun sponge. I’d hazard a guess that these people are not that interested in your views of marriage or your levels of excitement over theirs. YANBU to universally decide for everyone that marriages are not worth celebrating.

A coming together of two people who love each other, a life milestone for friends and family to show their support and hell, yes why not - get dressed up and have a bloody good knees up.

What a misery guts!

I love getting off my tits and dancing badly at other people’s weddings!

Do you also refuse to celebrate your friends and family's weddings, or is it just your colleagues who are expected to keep quiet about it? You're being highly unrealistic with that one, anyway, but surely for a colleague a few words of congratulations isn't too much to ask for? If you don't want to attend the actual celebrations then don't, I doubt they're that bothered either way.

You are celebrating the joy of two people being in love and wanting to share their happiness.

You are really overthinking it OP!

Don't celebrate them if you don't want to, but you do come across as a grumpy cynic. I can understand not wanting to attend a wedding, especially the wedding of someone who divorces and remarries multiple times, but there's nothing wrong or strange with people wanting an "event" when they marry.

Most human societies have had some form of celebration of the union of a couple. Likewise for births, deaths and coming of age. They're an important social bonding bringing family, friends and communities together.

For many couples, their wedding is the only time they'll be surrounded by all/ most of the people who are special to them.

Don't then. No one cares if you think it's pathetic to celebrate getting married. Get over yourself.

Don't expect anyone to celebrate anything by if yours they don't seem worthy enough either though.

Well, you could argue that 50% of people turn out shit but I don't want to stop celebrating births.

It's celebrating a big life step people are taking, not the certainty of its success.

Bet you're a right laugh at a party, bloody hell

I would never admit this publicly OP but I totally agree. I am not against marriage and I think two people who love one another making a lifelong commitment is a noble act. And plenty of people get married for practical reasons and that's fine.

But I loathe weddings and all who sail in them. The hysteria, the expense, the way they funnel people into being obsessed with nonsense like table setting etc.

And people who like talking about their own weddings are the world's biggest bores.

I guess people don’t want to ‘keep quiet about it’ though. I mean you could just say ‘aww congratulations.’ I don’t really want to hear all my colleagues’ boring news that I’ve heard before but it’s part of oiling the old social wheels isn’t it? ‘Oh Jamie got on the football team - woooww amazing. Oh your daughter graduated from her masters - oh my gosh so wonderful! You’re getting married next year? I’m so happy for you that’s amazing!’

I always tell my son if someone is telling you something they’re happy about just smile and say ‘wow amazing.’ And if it’s something they’re sad about say ‘oh sorry about that.’ It’s really as easy as that. And it’s got to be better than getting worked up that your colleagues are getting married.

However I do love the sound of a black belt in karate congratulatory party. It could be cobra Kai themed, and everyone would of course wear karate pyjamas and present gifts of various cobra Kai merchandise and dojo equipment.