The Guardian: A sex worker gave my autistic son the gift of confidence – and I organised the encounter

[YouAreNotBatman]

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jul/30/a-sex-worker-gave-my-autistic-son-the-gift-of-confidence-and-i-organised-the-encounter#comments

Look at the comments, everyone saying she’s a lovely and a good mother.

I’m so tired of this.
Sex works is real work, have OF, be kinky - or you’re a prude, porn porn and even more porn, poor innocent men - they have to have sex with a woman or else….

Hiw can anyone think this is progressive?

Because nothing can be allowed to override men’s right to get what they want.

I was considering posting this myself. I completely agree. It’s like a teenage boy has a right to sex. She wasn’t sure whether he understood consent or whether he would be influenced by violent porn so I can’t imagine her having been so delighted to leave a similar lad with her daughter. All she is teaching him is that women can be bought and are worth less than men.

She sounded so smug!! Women can be women's worst enemy....

Loads of 17 year olds, and much older, male and female are virgins and there's nothing wrong with that.
What has he been taught - that he can buy women and they have to do what he says? That sex is only transactional and separate from love, affection, relationships?
I think the mother has abused her son!

Jesus christ.

And he has to now save up the grand himself to repeat the encounter, which he is “keen” to do. How will he do that? Could take him months or years. It’s very very irresponsible of her imo.

Touching Base’s vision aligns with that of People with Disability Australiaa^, which argues that “people with disability have a right to a sexual life, just like everyone else”.

It's incredible how fast people seem to move from "disability rights" to "buying women's bodies".

I'm having a hard time imagining his new found confidence comes from his ability to pleasure his "lover". Which surely is what sex is about, otherwise it's, at best, utterly selfish. And who wants a selfish lover..or is her plan that he only ever rents women, never actually pleases them?

And I wonder if she'd be happy for her daughter to rent access to her body by the half hour for other mothers' sons' ejaculatory benefit. Hmmm.

Jesus Christ on a tram.

Yes, autistic men are 'over-represented' in incel communities and yes, autistic men can absolutely struggle with sex and sexuality. Many are sad, would love partners, and can't find one. All of the top half of that article is true.

But fuck me. Outsourcing the issue to a sex worker who is 'definitely not co-erced in any way at all and I know that because she doesn't wear shit shoes' is one fuck of a leap.

As the parent of an autistic boy, it is my job to help him interpret the world. That's really, really hard for both of us (but mostly for him). I really, really, REALLY worry that he will struggle with things like consent and boundaries (that's one of the reasons why, when people on here pop up on threads saying 'what next, will boys have to get written consent to kiss a girl' I am the one going 'YES THAT WOULD BE AMAZING'). But the solution to this is not to buy sex, and to buy consent, and to actually transgress the social boundaries I'm trying to teach him to 'just understand' in the first place.

Sorry if this isn't coherent, I am really angry about this.

All about her son’s needs and how he is different as he’s disabled - but only a throwaway comment that the sex worker he uses also “identified as neurodiverse”. OK, that’s quite a wide range of potential things and capabilities, but that point made me even less comfortable with the whole thing.

Eugh

That's so grim

Respectfully, can we not turn this into speculation about the young person's character and motives? He's autistic, his primary care-giver has told him this is OK. He's potentially a victim in this too.

I almost started a thread on this article. When I read it yesterday and looked at the comments I thought I had entered some sort of parallel dystopia. The whole thing is sickening. I wonder if she would have done the same if it had been her daughter.

He has a right to sex,with his own body, it's called masturbation. A woman's body is not a workplace.

Misogyny personified.

I would imagine a smart male sex worker would be very, very worried about consent and capacity in a similar situation. In fact, if the roles were reversed this would be seen as very dodgy indeed. I'm not convinced it isn't very dodgy indeed as it stands...

There is no justification for this at all. How can you teach your adult son aboit consent and boundaries etc whilst simultaneously arranging for what is effectively rape.

And why would he now bother learning how to be a considerate and respectful partner when he can just pay for sex instead.

This is so gross.

No-one has a ‘right’ to a sexual life ffs.
that’s rape culture.

you have the right to do what you want with your own body, but you don’t have a ‘right’ to anyone else’s.

I have a lot of conflicting views about this because I dont believe, as a blanket rule, that sex work is always exploitative or performed by women who are vulnerable, but the fact is that that is true for probably about 90% of sex workers.

But at 17, most young people have not had sex yet, theres nothing unusual in that respect about him. There is every possiblity that in the next few years he might find himself (and be encouraged and taught) to have a healthy romantic relationship which might involve intimacy. Why would she decide for him now that either thats not good enough or thats not going to happen

I also feel strongly that if he didnt have a disability what would her view be, would she arrange the same for a 17 year old daughter, disability or no disability?
Thats without getting into the fact that she has set a precedent in his head about how sex occurs, its really encouraging an incel type of mentality, women are there for me and I only have to pay for them to get it.

I’m assuming they have pre moderated the comments to ensure they are all supportive.
I don’t know why anyone would think it was this brilliant thing that she’s taught her son that sex is a commodity to be purchased. And also why be so involved?

That's absolutely disgusting!

That’s awful.

Plus many (though of course not all) people with autism have real problems generalising behaviour. So if I tell my son it's OK to burp at the table at home, for example, he'll want to burp at the table the next time we go to a restaurant. You have to teach for every eventuality.

You can obviously see where my mind is going with this one. The kid is potentially going to get his lights punched out if he goes around offering people money for sex.

God this is so fucking grim.

Amazing. Couldn't have summed it up better.

That was a very sad read. And the mother is staggeringly naive about sex work. Her poor son.

Fuck me, the comments! One suggested Anon would not want her child to be a sex worker and someone responded saying it was akin to being a car salesman or lawyer?!?

No one has the right to sex, women’s bodies are no workplaces. If it was her daughter who was autistic I assume she’d be less keen to purchase the loss of virginity.

How fucking revolting.