The Guardian: A sex worker gave my autistic son the gift of confidence – and I organised the encounter

[YouAreNotBatman]

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jul/30/a-sex-worker-gave-my-autistic-son-the-gift-of-confidence-and-i-organised-the-encounter#comments

Look at the comments, everyone saying she’s a lovely and a good mother.

I’m so tired of this.
Sex works is real work, have OF, be kinky - or you’re a prude, porn porn and even more porn, poor innocent men - they have to have sex with a woman or else….

Hiw can anyone think this is progressive?

@SaltFlakes

Right back at ya.

When something is glaringly obvious it doesn't usually have to be spelled out.

It’s disgusting. Paying a women to let them be raped is abhorrent.

I agree.

Sex is not a right for anyone.

But they are different because of the risk@SaltFlakes

Because firstly there's not really a problem with hairdressers being trafficked, so when paying paying a hairdresser theres no risk that I am raping them. Whilst a high number of prostitutes are trafficked so that's a fair risk, and it's something that I would want to avoid at all costs.

There's also a chance that the "service' I'm using is a vunerable woman with a history of sexual abuse, again I'm not taking advantage of this in hairdressing

And hairdressing is my hands doing something to someone else, I have full control and I am providing the service. Whilst prostitution is obviously them putting something into my body and using my body which is not the same as a service

Not sure why my comment was deleted.

The comments section is the most depressing part of this. I used to respect The Guardian as a publication, now I wouldn't consider it fit to line a litter tray.

You were spouting disablism, that's why. Comparing people with disabilities with sex offenders, which is despicable and explains why many face difficulties in finding relationships.

See the thing with this is you are picking at the wrong person.

I grow 70-80% of my own food, I don't live near a takeaway so I don't need to consider things like that.

I try absolutely where possible to make sure that my clothes don't come from sweat shops. I have said in a previous post that I cannot guarantee this because scandals have come out before about supposedly ethical companies using sweat shops but I do my best. I also make some of my own using ethical fabric companies to buy fabric from.

I wear natural fibres that are gentler on the environment. I spin my own wool to knit my own jumpers from my friends sheep animal sanctuary. I dye the wool using natural dyes I grow myself. So 100% of my wool items e.g. all my cardigans, jumpers and socks are definitely sweatshop free. (I appreciate if you are vegan you may disagree with my choice of wool but that's a different conversation and its a no-kill no breed sanctuary where the animals have to be sheared to avoid cruelty and if they weren't there they would have been killed. )

My diamond in my wedding ring is lab grown because I wanted to avoid conflict diamonds, the silver is recycled from family jewellery and it was made by a well made non trafficked jeweller.

So actually yes, I do think I get to say that just because women are willing to sell sex doesn't make it okay to teach a 21 year old that its okay to buy it.

Now do I have to jump through any more hoops to prove I have the right to an opinion, or is it only you who has the right to an opinion without needing to prove they are allowed it? Because I haven't questioned your right to your opinion.

I think that the mother who questioned whether the boy understood consent, and therefore the entire situation, but then decided to encourage and ultimately consent on his behalf made a very strange decision

I wouldn't have thought doing nails has same risk of harm to MH as sex work.

I find it disgusting to see it as essential, loads people go through life not having sex and still don't think they have right to rent a body to resolve their desires. Its always entitled males, probably wouldn't even think about disabled females having any sexual needs.

Why doesn't she help her son by working on the skills to build relationship and opportunities to socialise with similar ladies. It seems like she make it harder for him in future by setting unrealistic expectations to her son, that he'll only want attractive ladies he can pick and with bedroom activities. When i've watched undatables it involved specialist disabled dating agencies. I often found it uncomfortable viewing the first dates as it appears to be going terribly in usual social terms, but frequently I read it wrong and they liked each other.

See I didn't quite read the consent bit in that way, although I totally agree with you. I read it that he also wouldn't understand if 'Anna' was consenting and ultimately decided she was okay with that because she was paying, which is also a very strange decision.

Either interpretation, the fact that there was some concern about consent makes this whole thing utterly unethical regardless of any of the other factors around whether anyone has the right to sex etc.

Absolutely depraved.
Mother arranges for autistic son to have sex with an autistic prostitute “Anna”
The only person with sense is dismissed in a single line- the father who says it’s exploitative.
Damn right it is. Exploitative to pressure an autistic man into sex with a vulnerable autistic woman whose consent to even being a sex worker is questionable. All because “mother knows best” and is willing to pay $1000 to get two young nuerodiverse people to fuck all to make the mother feel better about herself, because she thinks it’s not normal to not have sex in your twenties.

It’s sick. I can’t believe such a thing is even legal.

See I didn't quite read the consent bit in that way, although I totally agree with you. I read it that he also wouldn't understand if 'Anna' was consenting and ultimately decided she was okay with that because she was paying, which is also a very strange decision.

I think that's what she meant when she said about not being sure he could understand it. But maybe if he could understand it and it's implications properly he wouldn't actually want to.

You were spouting disablism, that's why. Comparing people with disabilities with sex offenders, which is despicable and explains why many face difficulties in finding relationships.

Lol bit of a reach there!
How many posters have said that having sex with a prostitute is rape. I’ve not even said that.

Anyone who cannot or refuses to accept consent should not be having sex.

Yes that includes people with serious MH and rapists but that is not saying that those who are mentally unwell are rapists.

I know a few teenage boys who are going to be rapists and one of them their own mum has to lock herself in her bedroom at night because they have the urges but do not understand what consent is.
Unfortunately because they have high SEND nothing can be done about it because people will get accused of being disablist.

Those who cannot physically have sex like quadriplegics, still have the urges - so surely it’s better to give them hormone suppressants than allow them to continue having urges that the only way they can temporarily suppress is by paying a sex worker.

People with a disability have a right to meet someone who values and respects them, who is likes and is sexually attracted to them and who will touch them without being payed $1000 to.

Of course you have the right to an opinion (in theory, depending on the subject), as do I but there are 100+ other posters on here who don't live as you do but who conveniently ignore exploitation when it benefits them.

If two people enter into a transaction of their own free will and are both happy with the T&C's, good luck to them, I say.

If that bloke got his jollies just by being whipped by that woman for 4 hours and the woman was paid a grand for it, is she still being exploited?

How bizarre. Imagine being so fixated on your child's virginity. What an absolute control freak.

dangerously close to incel way of thinking.

All people have a right to pursue any type of relationships they desire - platonic, sexual, marital, same as jobs, cars holidays, wealth, friends, sporting success, education.

Doesn't mean that everyone is entitled to receive those things. The real world can be a harsh place.

What does it mean to have a "right" to something? I find an odd term to use in terms of sex and relationships, and I include friendships in that.

The poster was doing no such thing

I am disabled and I read your comment. Compared people with disabilities with sex offenders, by thinking it appropriate to make the comparison. That is disgusting and discriminatory. If you feel upset by my assessment, then good. You ought to, and hopefully you will think more carefully in future before you say things.

Sorry to jump in, but in context of people with disabilities, (especially this thread’s context of neuro-diversity) a person can lose their right to pursue a sexual relationship if doctors certify to the courts that they do not have the mental capacity to either consent or recognise consent in others.

Eh this is gross.why not just teach him about relationships and how to respect women? Isn't it more rewarding in the long term to earn a girlfriend? Even if she is also on the spectrum?

It's funny I noticed ever since I got married and had a child I've been pretty open about it on reddit which is very lefty. They used to be very polite to me but now that's changed. They act like my marital status and family status is some kind of crime. 😂 They are very hostile towards me. ESPECIALLY when I say I'm happily married. They start going on rants about how marriage is useless and sexist.

I bring this up because some of them also seem to think people who married get laid less than single people. But our sex life is better than ever and we have sex more than many of our single friends.

If he can truly consent he would be much happier in a relationship and wouldn't have to constantly save up money for each encounter. It's kind of sad honestly.

But that's not what I was responding to. You stated:

JudithHarper · Today 14:07
TheGoogleMum · Today 14:02
YANBU nobody has a right to sex with another person abd she is teaching him that women's bodies can be bought
Only if women are prepared to sell them.

And I said that was a very low bar.

Now I have apparently proved I live in such a way to justify having that opinion I stand by it. Your bar in this statement is extremely low.

This reminds me of when I was around 17/18 and I was working in a warehouse. There was a young chap there a couple of years older than me and he was autistic and very shy and awkward. I became quite friendly with him and we got along really well and we used to sit and take our breaks together. One day he asked me out and I said yes. On the date he told me that he’d lost his virginity by paying a sex worker because he thought women wouldn’t be interested in him in that way.

I might have been, but I wasn’t after that.