The Guardian: A sex worker gave my autistic son the gift of confidence – and I organised the encounter

[YouAreNotBatman]

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jul/30/a-sex-worker-gave-my-autistic-son-the-gift-of-confidence-and-i-organised-the-encounter#comments

Look at the comments, everyone saying she’s a lovely and a good mother.

I’m so tired of this.
Sex works is real work, have OF, be kinky - or you’re a prude, porn porn and even more porn, poor innocent men - they have to have sex with a woman or else….

Hiw can anyone think this is progressive?

@SaltFlakes

Rape and abuse stats tell us exactly how often men think they can just take it.

@SaltFlakes here's a tasty box of Malteasers. There's 100 Malteasers in there. Oh and one isn't a Malteaser, it's a ball of human shit, covered in chocolate. You still happy to go ahead and eat the whole box?

You cannot know if someone has been trafficked or co-erced into sex work. My own position is absolute, but even if you don't agree with that, as you clearly don't, I'm fascinated to hear your top tips for ensuring that your use of sex workers is 100% ethical...

I'm an autistic woman and do not believe, nor was ever made to believe, I had the right to buy someone for sex. It's grim. Focus on encouraging him to foster real friendships and relationships with women, not this.

This is so disgusting. It feels misguided at best and at worst abusive. I hate that sex work is becoming so normalised, it worries me so much.

The only problem I can see is that at $1k for 4 hours she massively overpaid.

No, she isn't. £250 an hour for an escort has been the going rate for years.

Sex work and addiction/mental health issues go hand-in-hand. A staggering percentage were sexually abused as children. It’s exploitation of some of the most vulnerable in our society.

Disability rights unless it's a traumatised young woman, then the man trumps her obviously.

I work with autistic people with and without LD. The men tend to be more demanding they want a "normal" "good looking" girlfriend. There's a sense of entitlement there. We do relationships workshops to try teach about consent etc . The women on the other hand just wanted somebody who was nice, such a stark difference. Ironically the man who had the most girlfriends and success with women wasn't the pickiest, he also made friends with women.

83% of sex workers have experienced a childhood traumatic event, 48% of which was sexual abuse…

@Topgub @MaChienEstUnDick

Nobody can ever know anything with complete certainty, but that's not how we operate in the real world. Your domestic help, hairdresser, manicurist etc could all be trafficked and you wouldn't know. But as long as all the signs point to it being a consensual transaction, we take things at face value.

When an independent SW advertises, and she - or he for that matter - works basically alone, the odds are high that they're doing SW out of their own choice. Likewise if a masseuse offers extras out of her own volition.

As to entitlement, paying for something is the opposite of entitlement. When you're entitled to something you just take. You don't ask and certainly not pay. Paying for something means you recognise you have no right to it, and can only get it after negotiating a fair agreement with the other party.

No it's the lazy way and not good safeguarding. Was there a risk assessment for the lady ? We hold relationship work shops , we have speed dating and disco events. It's lazy and promoting male entitlement.

If a women wants to be a sex worker then that’s fine - her body, her choice.

But sending a message to your son that this is normal or ok to pay for sex - is completely wrong and disgusting.

It’s also kind of fucked up that the mum is so involved in her son’s sex life!

Many men are 30+ and virgins but surely they’re mums don’t pay for prostitutes for them.

Can you imagine if a dad paid a man to have sex with his daughter and she ‘needed’ sex because she was still a virgin - he would probably be put in jail for being such a perv!

But that's a really low bar to be fair

I mean people are prepared to sell drugs, people are prepared to work in sweat shops, people are prepared to sell their children into child marriage or to be trafficked. That doesn't mean the rest of use should sit back and let it happen.

Do disabled people have the 'right to buy someone', as you put it, to wipe their soiled bums?

You have the right to buy buy any service - key word service, you're not buying the actual person - that someone else offers.

justasking111 "Is it better to provide sex is it safer"

safer than what?

Touching Base’s vision aligns with that of People with Disability Australia, which argues that “people with disability have a right to a sexual life, just like everyone else”.

no one has a "right" to a sexual life. That's how incels think.

'You' may take things at face value; I certainly don't.

It's also interesting that none of the services you mention are essential. If I thought 83% of hairdressers had chosen to be hairdressers because of childhood sexual trauma, I'd learn how to do the MN home haircut. Sex work is non-essential to the millionth degree. No-one needs to have sex. It's not a human right, or an entitlement. The mother in question has soaked up the belief that it is and has then chosen to facilitate that for a son who expressed normal curiousity about the act. Can't you see how fucked up that is?

safer than what?

and for who?

Ffs I feel sick. So wrong. Mum sounds smug and pleased with herself. She supported her son to buy a nice raping session. Wish The Guardian would die off.

@SaltFlakes

Sex isn't a service. Its not at all comparable with hairdressing or care work.

It makes no sense to presume that no one can be forced to advertise as a sw or that if they do there's a high probability they're doing it of their own volition

Paying doesn't mean you're recognising you have no right to something. It means you think you can pay for the right to have it

Are you male or female?

others were more charitable knowing that it was his only chance to have sex.

What about the poor woman proving it for him. Where's the charitable sentiment towards her?

The very fact that you are able to participate in this discussion is that some kid somewhere has been forced to mine the metals needed to make the chips for your tech for tuppence a day and without any health or safety.

I assume that you are not involved in any of the things you have mentioned and yet you have deliberately gone and bought your tech, knowing full well that there are exploited people in the supply chain. However, for something that you want, you appear happy to sit back and let that happen.

It's a tricky issue. People with disabilities struggle to engage in relationships in a sexual way for various reasons. www.communitycare.co.uk/2021/05/05/care-staff-helping-disabled-people-access-sex-work-services-breaking-law-rules-court/

Perhaps a regulated service, where if someone chooses (genuinely) to work in the area of sexual support work, or whatever we might call it, could be a way forward?

Disgraceful.