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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

306 replies

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 08:42

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up Confused His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

OP posts:
HannahSternDefoe · 31/07/2022 13:18

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 11:52

That sounds like a rest day for him. Where does he go?!
on a long hike not suitable for the DC (or me)

He expected you to leave a sick 10yo child alone in a hotel room for 5+ hrs?

For me, he needs to go on a very long one-way hike.

What a selfish little prick he is to not consider the health of his own daughter.

And at what point does one need ambition to go for a flippin' walk?

Cherrysherbet · 31/07/2022 13:22

He’s a twat.

CatherinedeBourgh · 31/07/2022 13:22

We are a family of fanatic skiers. When a similar aged ds2 was feeling poorly during a short, expensive and much awaited holiday a few years ago it took over an hour for him to persuade dh and ds1 to go skiing for a bit without ds2 and me (no one even questioned it when I said I was staying).

When they eventually did they came back after a short while saying it was not as much fun without ds2 and me.

Because, you know, a holiday is something we all do to spend time doing something fun together...

Sweatinglikeabitch · 31/07/2022 13:22

usually DD doesn't mind

Honestly I think it's a bit crappy tbh. It's a ALOT of walking for a 10 year old. Sounds like it's something DH loves, DS likes and you and DD have to put up with. Was there an option for a more fun relaxed holiday or was it DHs choice or nothing?

She's clearly poorly and even if she wasn't, you don't leave a 10yo alone in a hotel.

HannahSternDefoe · 31/07/2022 13:23

His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

Pack all of your and your DDs stuff, carry her to the car and take her home now while he's having his precious "little walk".

Leave your absolute bell-end of an H to pack his and your DS stuff and get a train/taxi home.

Knob.

Quartz2208 · 31/07/2022 13:29

@TellMeImNotWrong you say they were consulted - but given that your DH and DS love this type of holiday - could she really stand up and say I dont like this - this isnt for me.

Because look at what happens when she is too ill

TheWayoftheLeaf · 31/07/2022 13:38

Tbh I'd be surprised if any kid wants to walk for hours and hours every day on 'holiday'. Sounds like a torture camp to me.

Your DP would've died if he'd met me at that age.

Herejustforthisone · 31/07/2022 13:38

Fuck, what an uncaring cunt your husband is.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 31/07/2022 13:40

Like who the fuck wants to walk for 5 hours? To do what? For whom?

Kids hate that shit. It bores them. I remember being made to do it by my parents and sometimes I'd fantasise about knocking them
Out so I could go the fuck home.

Blanketpolicy · 31/07/2022 13:43

I am speechless his only acceptable solutions without him sulking is to drag her out on the walk or leave an unwell 10 year old in a hotel room alone. What happens if that nausea turns into vomiting?

You say it is the only activity your ds enjoys, and you all join in, but when you do something your dd prefers he buggers off and does his own thing? What kind of message is that sending to your dd?

I would suggest he does hiking as a hobby with ds and not on family holidays which should be about what you ALL actively want to do. He should also find something to do with his dd that she actually enjoys, not just joins in with.

HannahSternDefoe · 31/07/2022 13:45

@TheWayoftheLeaf 😂 Cricket bat? Hammer for the tent pegs?😂

TheWayoftheLeaf · 31/07/2022 13:45

@Blanketpolicy it sends the same message we've all been told for centuries. Men things are aspirational. Women things are pathetic.

You want to relax and read? Weak and worthless. You want to exercise? Worthy.

Pfft. Another young woman taught she is worth less.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 31/07/2022 13:46

HannahSternDefoe · 31/07/2022 13:45

@TheWayoftheLeaf 😂 Cricket bat? Hammer for the tent pegs?😂

Tree branch generally but a heavy boot also featured the

RiojaRose · 31/07/2022 13:50

Plenty of children enjoy longish walks. I did as a child: my family went hillwalking for a week every year. So I don’t think that’s necessarily the main issue here. But I’m really struck by the contempt this man has expressed for both his daughter and his wife. If it’s out of character then maybe it can be forgiven. However, if it’s a regular occurrence that’s deeply unpleasant. I’d be reconsidering my marriage.

Simplelobsterhat · 31/07/2022 13:55

I wouldn't leave a well 10 year old in a hotel for more than half an hour. But the circumstances you describe - 5 hours, when she may be unwell and if walking you couldn't get back to her quickly if she phoned you there was a problem? I'd say thats neglect. So of course you've done the right thing, and from your updates she sounds genuinely ill. It also wouldn't have been sensible to give it a go and see how she felt in this situation as you don't want to be an hour walk from anywhere when she feels worse or D&V strikes! Different if you were just going somewhere a short walk from hotel/ with good facilities etc!

I think people are a bit harsh saying it doesn't sound round like a holiday etc, as different people like different things and some children enjoy walking. I'm also not sure why some posters have commented on the heat when as far as I can see you haven't said where you are?

However, if dd was as happy to be on this holiday and go on walks as you say, I wonder why DH jumped to the conclusion she was faking it? Have there been signs of resistance? And if he does think she isn't enjoying it, why is he insisting on this kind of holiday? He can't have it both ways- either she doesn't want to do it so he's organised a holiday he knows one of his children won't enjoy or he's accusing someone of faking illness with no reason whatsoever.

Fair enough to push kids a bit physically and make them do some things on holiday for other members of the family's enjoyment, but not plan a whole holiday around the hobby only some people enjoy! As far as I can gather dh gets to do his hobby every single day of the holiday and never has to do any other type of activity to please anyone else, while you get no time to yourself, and the one time someone has a good reason not to join in he's in a passive aggressive 'might as well go home then' strop.

dapsnotplimsolls · 31/07/2022 13:57

How DARE she ruin HIS holiday?!! 🙄

User367259791 · 31/07/2022 13:59

Oh, @TellMeImNotWrong you are definitely not wrong. Your husband was being an absolute arse.

But there is a shed load of projection going on in this thread. I know plenty of people who hate beaches as much as you lot all seem to hate walking. Walking isn’t child abuse just because you don’t enjoy it 🙄

Awrite · 31/07/2022 14:02

The only type of holiday your son will go on?

So, you and your dd have to defer to the needs of the males in the family?

Agree with everyone else - your DH sounds horrible.

itsnotmeitisactuallyyou · 31/07/2022 14:06

Never leave a child in a hotel room on their own especially a unwell one,she doesnt sound well at all,cant believe he would even think about leaving her for over 5 hours,selfish jackass

Sceptre86 · 31/07/2022 14:06

She sounds ill to me so I would say he is being unreasonable. I also can't fathom a 3 hour walk being considered a short one or why that would be a fun holiday but that's just me. Hope she feels better soon.

Kennykenkencat · 31/07/2022 14:11

we haven't been walking every day, we usually do a short walk, a more ambitious walk and then a rest day where I take the DC to the pool and DH goes off somewhere

So your Dh has no “ambition” to want to go in the pool and play with his children.

How old is your Ds? Does he always get the family to do what he likes and never mind what Dd thinks.

Did Dd have a choice when she was asked about this holiday?
My mother would ask me if I wanted to do something. If I said no she would not stop trying to convince me how wrong I was not wanting to do it until I said yes so in the end I knew it was easier to guess the answer she wanted to hear than give the answer I wanted
Has your Dd realised that a no when asked about this type of holiday was irrelevant as you were going to go whatever her thoughts were

ValerieDoonican · 31/07/2022 14:13

It's probably been mentioned already but she might have covid? The more recent varieties sometimes present with gut symptoms or so I have read.

ValerieDoonican · 31/07/2022 14:14

And no you are not BU and your DH does not seem to know his own daughter very well

Festoonlights · 31/07/2022 14:15

Your dh is a crap and selfish parent

Hollywolly1 · 31/07/2022 14:16

I'm not so sure I'd be letting your son go walking with him if that's the way he was treating his daughter