Is it too late? Is there anything I can do?

[SummerDays2020]

This is a very sensitive issue so I don't want to go into too much detail. If anyone can help it would be much appreciated and if there is another board that is good for this topic I'd be grateful to hear that too.

I support a young family member. She is a young mother. She lives in foster care in a mother and baby placement. I thought she was doing well. However, she told me she failed her 'parent assessment'. I was shocked as I can see her child has developed each time I see them. The child is very happy and smiley. I see the mum talking to her child, singing to her, cuddling her.

Things that have been brought up in the report I have never seen - they say the child's clothes do not fit. Every time I see the child they are in suitably sized clothes, mum sends me photos most days and child always well dressed and I also see SM photos. They say she doesn't encourage the child but again that is not my experience. I just don't understand. They also say the mum is regressive. I'm not quite sure what they are refering to or what the issue is. Is this enough for them to take the child away?

Mum is devestated. She was in foster care herself and lacked a mother as a role model. However, I honestly believe with some support she can be a very good mother to her child. She doesn't take drugs, she went out on her birthday and had a drink but doesn't usually go out, she doesn't shout or hit her child, she cooks her healthy meals, bathes her and puts her to bed and buys her toys appropriate to her age.

Is there anything I can offer to do that could help? How can I best support her? I'm worried sick.

Thank you so much.

I will do all that. I will look up what a MacKenzie friend is. What do you mean raise it with charities? Is there any particular charity I can speak to?

Thank you for the useful advice.

Thank you for the advice. This is all so useful. Many of the things the SW say she has to do, I don't do myself, nor to many. The standards she is held to are much higher than those any normal parent hold themselves to. She is trying so, so hard.

Honestly, I have cried my eyes out over this. This child and mother love and adore each other. They have a beautiful bond. The thought of them being ripped apart is just unthinkable. Afaik, nothing this mother has done has harmed her baby. In actual fact her whole world revolves around her.

I’m sure young mothers get held to a much higher standard than other mothers, it’s so unfair. Thank you for fighting for her, op.

It was her birthday fairly recently and you spent her birthday money on a lovely little tattoo of her DD's name. She could have spent it on anything for herself, clothes etc that any young woman would like. But she spent it on her baby's name.

It appears so. Thank you for your kind words.

I'm so glad you posted this. My grandmother is a Childrens guardian, and we had an experience with SS that was absolutely corrupt, horrendous, and what nightmares are made of. We were pushed to complain to the highest possible, my grandmother was absolutely devastated for us.

We had no prior SS involvement and they came in like vultures. I was under the impression they do what's best for the child but that is not always the case. We were lucky we had the support and finances to fight them but they are a scarily corrupt system with too much power. More power than people realise. I was very naive but not anymore.

To the poster, please show them you are supporting this young girl. It does help and it does count for something or should if any of the SS want what is best for this little family. Get all the advice and help you can get because they can and will ruin your life if you let them x

Thank you so much and I'm just so sorry for what happened to you. It is frightening. The process often seems so confusing. I really appreciate all the help and advice everyone is giving me.

It is SS that have done the report. Mum says foster carer doesn't agree with a lot of it but didn't seem to think that counted for much. It seems the SW has seen mum 3 times which is nothing to how much I've seen her and obviously the foster carer sees them every day.

You absolutely can disagree with the social workers report and you can write what you observed and say exactly that- the CSW has seen her 3 times and you strongly disagree. If you have photos then say you can also evidence this & that you are Vincennes the social worker has not written an assessment that accurately reflects her parenting or the facts.

State your view and that you are willing to go to court to state this, as you are concerned about the quality of the report not being of an acceptable standard

Also your family member will have a solicitor at court so make your view

Yes- you make a statement other solicitor - who will help you do so- and sign it and offer to turn up at court to be a witness that you strongly disagree and do not believe the CSW write an accurate nor fair reflection and made sweeping assumptions

You absolutely must fight this for your relative.
Be concise and be a good witness just stating facts as you see them of what you have observed

They say the mum is 'regressive' which seems to mean 'doesn't act her age'? I

Social workers are not supposed to make pejorative vague statements in reports

I work in this area

You need to see the report. Go through and find every single point you disagree with and back this up with evidence to prove it is wrong. Don’t bring opinion or emotion into it at all. State inaccuracies and use facts and evidence to disprove
If the foster carer also agrees with the report being wrong you have a really strong case so get them to put it in writing and again, to state exactly who they disagree with each point
good luck

Terrifying SS can seek removal for ‘risk of future harm’ even when no harm has taken place at all yet. They cite emotional harm as well as physical or sexual so it’s very vague but gives them power to remove

*terrifyingly

I will definitely tell her to get a copy of the report and ask if I can read it.

The social worker is required to give her a copy of the report and to allow her time and an advocate in the child safeguarding meeting following the report completion. It must be raised there and ensure it is recorded.

Tell your relative to insist the meeting is audio recorded and that audio copy of the meeting is made available to her - it's not unheard of for CP and CIN meetings to be minuted poorly and in a selective way.

Put her request for audio recording of the meeting "to ensure transparency and accuracy" in writing to the department and cc copy social worker and cc their team (the invites will have email address of admin officer for the team) - out mum and baby's name and dob and address as re: under the dear sir/ madam Of CSD dept (+county council name)

CSD have to let the meeting be audio recorded and that everyone has copies (although she cannot then disseminate those but CAN use them for accuracy of subsequent minutes)

So also her solicitor can have copies. As she is going through CP both she and the child have a right to legal representation- so insist in this

Don't let CSD say it can't be recorded as it can be.
She can ask for the meeting to be held in her home and she has a right to also record any meeting in her own home - without SW permission nor consent as GDPR does not apply to individuals only to organisations and to meetings in LA buildings

So get her to record meetings in her home and you do the same. Make yourself known to CSD as someone supporting her and baby as an interested close relative

1.You Immediately require advocacy.for her.and child(seperately maybe)are sw aware of you/support.how far you gony go with that??seriously.say so
its a absolute farcical system.disrespect =appropriate im afraid.
good luck x

She needs legal advice, especially if the foster carer disagrees with the report etc.

Hi OP,
I also have a past working in this area - residential placements.

You can challenge the thoroughness of the assessment if it is based on only a couple of sessions but it will be tricky to discredit any shortcomings that have been identified based on your own phone calls/texts/lunches out aren't the same context.

I would have plenty of times worked with people who had lovely extended families and could meet up and have a nice child centred time but could not provide the very basics of nutrition (and I mean basics) or any emotional stability unsupported. (I'm not saying this is the case in this instance but it happens).

If you are serious about helping (as your niece describes herself as failing her assessment) you could put yourself forward for assessment with your niece. That is to say that while your niece might be struggling alone she might thrive under your supervision and support. If you have no spare room that would mean moving. If it is a possibility speak to your niece. Then you would need to put yourself forward for assessment with your niece to co-parent or however they choose to frame it.

Don't let the lack of space stop you trying. Taking a child into care is of course a huge deal so tell the social worker/meeting etc that you will move and you need their support to find housing suitable. Don't be told that lack of space is an unsurmountable issue.

Good luck.

Are the children on the Childs Protection register and if so how long until review?

I think you'll serve her best if you try and take emotion out of it (explain this to her before the meeting so she understands).

She needs you to be calm, level and to challenge effectively but politely.

I would go through the report and consider every item in terms of evidence versus conjecture.

The baby is in I'll fitting clothes. Can they provide examples of this and why it was inappropriate?
She does not interact appropriately. What is she failing to do? What period was this observed over? Was it as part of a wider assessment where her attention was on answering questions as well as dealing with her child.

Can they tell you how many observations they've carried out? Were these in her home environment or where she did not have access to toys etc she has actually selected or is she looking round an unfamiliar room and making poor choices in a panic.

Put the onus on them to explain with a pleasant/ non confrontational tone.

Make notes of what is being said during and after the meeting in case you need them later

Thank you so much for the further advice, I am reading it all and making notes.

My heart broke for her a bit this morning. She told me SS have also criticised her appearance. Again, I see her appearance regularly. She wears clean vests/t-shirts and jeans. Hair in a mum bun or straightened and in a pony tail. Her self esteem is being crushed. She told me she is going to buy 'mum' clothes. I don't understand how what she wears harms her DD?

They have said in a few weeks child will be put into foster care (without her). They have said she leaves child in soiled nappies and doesn't feed the child enough. I asked her if DD has nappy rash - she doesn't. Surely that shows she changes her DC? She told me the child doesn't get out of bed until mid morning and based on that they say the DC doesn't get fed enough because they 'miss' breakfast. Mum tells me she still feeds DD 3 meals per day. From what I can see DC looks a healthy weight. I mean the late getting up isn't ideal but to jump from that to the DC isn't fed??

Mum doesn't think anything she can do will make a difference now, she is very low 😔

Any advice specifically on the above much appreciated ☺️