Is it too late? Is there anything I can do?

[SummerDays2020]

This is a very sensitive issue so I don't want to go into too much detail. If anyone can help it would be much appreciated and if there is another board that is good for this topic I'd be grateful to hear that too.

I support a young family member. She is a young mother. She lives in foster care in a mother and baby placement. I thought she was doing well. However, she told me she failed her 'parent assessment'. I was shocked as I can see her child has developed each time I see them. The child is very happy and smiley. I see the mum talking to her child, singing to her, cuddling her.

Things that have been brought up in the report I have never seen - they say the child's clothes do not fit. Every time I see the child they are in suitably sized clothes, mum sends me photos most days and child always well dressed and I also see SM photos. They say she doesn't encourage the child but again that is not my experience. I just don't understand. They also say the mum is regressive. I'm not quite sure what they are refering to or what the issue is. Is this enough for them to take the child away?

Mum is devestated. She was in foster care herself and lacked a mother as a role model. However, I honestly believe with some support she can be a very good mother to her child. She doesn't take drugs, she went out on her birthday and had a drink but doesn't usually go out, she doesn't shout or hit her child, she cooks her healthy meals, bathes her and puts her to bed and buys her toys appropriate to her age.

Is there anything I can offer to do that could help? How can I best support her? I'm worried sick.

@LeoOliver - just wanted to say thank you so much for your advice. It has enabled us to reframe things. We are looking at each concern and working out why this is a concern for SS (even if we don't agree) and then looking at how mum can show she is addressing the concern. I've also spoken to dad about how it is ok for him to accept or agree with a concern about mum. I think he has been dismissing things out of loyalty to mum.

I took mum and DD out today to try and provide a bit of distraction. Mum and her DD had their hair cut and got a few new clothes. We chose a couple of things for DD - a painting book and a book about colours. Hopefully these are things mum can demonstrate she is encouraging DD with.

I do wonder if some of the issues could have been influenced by mum being moved area and losing all her 'mum friends'. Just in terms of support. I suppose it is looking at how we can replace this.

In my experience social worker will usually consider all available information and make judgement based on that. In addition, they will consider the views of other professionals involved.

To clarify I am not specifically referring to EUPD. I am referring to the the whole spectrum of personality disorders i.e Dependent. It is important bear in mind that although mum does not have diagnosis, there may be suspicions.This may not be communicated directly because social workers are only supposed to provide factual information that can be evidenced. That being said having a mental health diagnosis is not sufficient reason to remove children from the parents unless it interferers with parenting capacity. It more about the parents presents.

If mum is displaying regressive behaviours, she needs to seek support, take responsibility for her mental wellbeing and address maladaptive coping mechanisms. She needs to be more aware of when she is displaying these behaviour and what are the triggers.

Your welcome.

Thank you so much, this is so helpful.