40year old female friend dating 19 year old male

[Chatterbox473]

Close friend is 40 years old and is dating at 19 year old male.

Have advised her that i find this to be strange and creepy.

What are your thoughts on this?

I’m 45 next month, my partner of a year and a bit is 26. After several relationships in my younger years and then a long marriage, I can honestly say this relationship is the most healthy and loving one I’ve had so far. We treat each other with love, care, compassion and respect. It’s truly feels like what a happy, healthy, fulfilling and loving relationship should be like. He is a truly decent person through and through. No red flags at all. It’s so refreshing!

I have a 7 year old and I haven’t yet introduced them yet but he always asks about them with genuine care, fully supports all my time my child is with me (50/50) and stays quietly in the background but still showing loving and support.

I never set out to fall for a much younger man and him for an older women but it’s happened and it’s been a blessing for us both.

What the future holds I don’t know. He talks of marriage and life long future for us. But I’m not sure we could because of the age gap so I’m enjoying having this wonderful person in my life right now and will see where it takes us.

I could have completely stonewalled him purely because of the age gap but I’m so glad I didn’t.

I generally live by the 'half your age plus seven' rule, so 19 would be too young for me.

Creepy if she'd known him before he was 18 - anyone you knew when they were a child must always, always be off-limits.

If she met him when he was at least 18, it wouldn't be for me, but I would try my best not to openly judge her. Dating is hard. If both adults consent, well, that's their look out. Whether it's a short-term fun thing or they plan to spend the rest of their lives together, it's completely none of our business.

If she'd met a bloke who was 42, people wouldn't be openly speculating on the longevity of their future - they'd be wishing them well and leaving them to it.

The double standards are the issue. Even a man who is 30 and he goes out with someone who is 19, 20 he is seen as predatory and taking advantage of younger women. 40 to 19 is more than 20 years. I would not agree with either situation. Personally, I think 5-6 years age gap is the maximum I can do.

Very weird.

Same as if it was a man with a woman half his age.

The fact that it is legal as he is over-18 does not make it right.

They are at completely different stages of their life. At 19 you are still pretty much a kid with little life experience.

When I was 21 I dated a 36 year old. Was totally not emotionally ready for the baggage. Or wise enough to realise it was all bullshit.

The one time I slept with someone significantly younger he was seemingly unable to behave like a human being afterwards. I was glad when he fucked up and was sacked.

I would say that despite technically both being consenting adults the power dynamic here would be a huge issue. A 40 year old woman has the.life experience and knowledge to remain a bit guarded and protect her feelings akd her set up. A 19 year old...probably still lives in hope of finding his one true love and faces getting seriously hurt here.

I dont care what way round this is. Its not an even match and ita not a healthy Relationship

Why is a man "predatory" if he is late 20s or 30 and going out with a woman who is 19, 20? But for a 19 year old man and 40 year old woman it is okay? I do not get the logic behind this. There are imbalances in both these situations. But they are all adults.

Mommy issues?

I’m friends with a couple- she’s 40 and he’s 23. They’re great together- no power imbalance at all. If you met them, you wouldn’t be able to tell the age gap either. They met through a shared love of the outdoors.

Im a big fan of live and let live, as long as the relationship isn’t abusive in any way.

Oh crikey, I have just posted on the confessions thread how at 19 I was shagging a 17 year old and then her 40 year old mum. Not at the same time and not one of us was Jeremy Kyle material. It was just sex, pure consenting lustful and much needed sex. There was never a power imbalance. It was just what each of us wanted at the time.

It's unlikely to work out, due to difference in interests and stage of life, but if both are happy and getting what they want from it, why not? I think it depends a lot on the 19 year old. If he was vulnerable in any way then it could be a situation where the older person has taken advantage. But sometimes people just like each other without age coming into it. He's over the age of consent and legally an adult. I generally do like younger men, they're cuter, more fun, more energy. That's why I married a man several years my junior and its worked out for us.

its not creepy, I know plenty with large age gaps, say nothing!

I wouldn't have dated someone aged 19 when I was 40 but aged 40 I had a 23 year old. I also have a 19 Yr old son who I would actively discourage dating a 40 year old women.

However, what feels wrong creepy to me isn't how someone else may feel. So crack on I say.

Seriously those who are saying dating someone who is technically still a teenager is not creepy when you are in your 40s... I would suggest having a good look at your moral compass.

Of course relationships with big age gaps can work but there is a big difference between a 30 year old being with a 50 year old for example and a mature woman or man in her 40s dating a 19 year old kid.

Urgh. Thinking back to when I was 19 I looked about 14 and was still hugely emotionally immature. He's still a kid. When I was 25 I got drunk and slept with an 19 year old and I felt really pervy even then.

There's no reason for anyone in their 30s or 40s to be fcking around with teenagers. Predatory creeps.

Just told DH that when we met, according to someone on MN, I was a 'predatory creep'.

He was most amused and has said that's my nickname from now on 😂

The fact that it is legal as he is over-18 does not make it right

The fact that they're both consenting adults makes it nobody's business.

Just because you don't like a thing doesn't make it wrong, or creepy, or pervy, or vile. It just means you don't like it.

If it's legal, nobody is being coerced, it's completely consensual and everyone's happy - whether it's a ONS or results in a 40 year long happy marriage - it's got nothing to do with anyone else.

Unless you're a judgy fucker, in which case you're likely to make it your business (along with whatever else scurrilous gossip you've also made your business - judgy sorts do love to gossip, I've found).

Not for me im afraid. I once fulfilled my fantasy of dating a younger man. He was beautiful but it felt so wrong!

Oh, and give over with that 'they're not adults until they're 25' bollocks.

Unless you're willing to apply that logic when a 24yo is a parent, or a carer, or a teacher, or a nurse, or a junior doctor, or a dentist...

It's demeaning and insulting and I really hope that those saying this don't have DC under 25 who they disregard so blithely.

Definitely a bit off but not much you can do about it. I agree with the others that it probably won’t last long.

It’s not that they’re not adults, it’s that they’re young and immature and can be influenced by somebody in a more authority figure. Would you be ok with your own children in that situation? The gap itself might work, it’s just that he’s still very young.

@0pheIiaBalls but at 19 you can’t be a doctor, lawyer or teacher of many of those things as you haven’t had enough training or life experience yet. You are studying at university or college or in training or doing a crappy low skills job (sorry). And at that age if you were a parent you are given special support and classed as a ‘young parent’.
Yes you are technically an adult but you’re definitely vulnerable.

Your bring doesn't fully mature until your 20s.

And ita all very well saying its demeaning but can u also see that should the relationship progress to moving in stage for example, under 25s get paid less. That immediately creates a huge imbalance.

I'm not sure at 40 id still be dating someone who was still getting ID'd in pubs. It would be an awkward and embarrassing reminder dont you think.

Just because you technically can, doesn't mean you should.

You can be at 24, which was my point.

Suggesting 24 year olds aren't adults is ridiculous.

At 19 you are an adult and maybe rather than being judgy twats we should allow people to make their own choices and yes, perhaps mistakes.

Just a thought.