Page 10 | 40year old female friend dating 19 year old male

Chatterbox473 · 2022-07-29T19:47:44+00:00

Close friend is 40 years old and is dating at 19 year old male. Have advised her that i find this to be strange and creepy. What are your thoughts on this?

ChillysWaterBottle · 31/07/2022 16:47

CJsGoldfish · 30/07/2022 13:03

There will always be exceptions to any rule but I think that the majority of 30 year old men who date 17 year old girls, for example, have a hell of a lot more life experience, earning power, independence etc than those 17 year old girls
Any 30yr old man who chooses a 17yr old knows exactly what he's doing. As does anyone, male or female, 30+ who chooses a teenager.
Much easier to mold someone into who you want them to be when they don't have the life experience to know exactly who they are without the 'guidance' of an older partner. I'm sure there are a lot of relationships of this kind that last but I also don't think that's the 'win' people think it is. 🤷‍♀️

100%

Unwavering721 · 31/07/2022 16:54

That’s only 1 year away from being a child. Gross.

GhostCastle · 31/07/2022 17:13

I would be mad if a lady in her 40s was dating my DS when he is 19. I’d definitely be having a word with her. I’m in my 40s now. It’s really gross, predatory behaviour.

I8toys · 31/07/2022 17:22

Not illegal and I'd feel the same if it was reversed ie 40 year man and 19 year woman. Its the imbalance of experience that freaks me out and it just gives me the ick. I also have an almost 19 year old son. If he bought a 40 year old woman home I'd wonder what was wrong with her to be completely honest that she would want to be with someone just starting out on his life and career path.

Anonymous48 · 01/08/2022 16:25

EmmaH2022 · 29/07/2022 23:14

But what's the result of that? Classify them as children till 25? Decide the age of who they can sleep with?

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Sorry - a little late responding.

I do think the age of consent should be raised, although not to 25. I don't think it should be legal to have sex with someone who is literally a child (i.e., 16 or 17).

(And don't even get me started on the fact that 18 year old's in the country where I live are allowed to buy assault weapons.)

Yes, 18-25 year old's are technically and legally adults, but it should be understood and accepted that their brains aren't fully developed and therefore won't necessarily make the smartest decisions. Because that's a fact.

The thing is that two 19 year old's, or thereabouts, are at a similar level of maturity. There is a huge difference in the maturity of a 40 year old and a 19 year old, and although it may be legal (probably even should be legal) for them to have a sexual relationship, the fact is that the younger person's brain isn't fully developed, particularly the parts that control decision making and thinking through consequences, so I think it's creepy and wrong on the part of the 40 year old.

Dinoteeth · 01/08/2022 23:44

Anonymous48 · 01/08/2022 16:25

Sorry - a little late responding.

I do think the age of consent should be raised, although not to 25. I don't think it should be legal to have sex with someone who is literally a child (i.e., 16 or 17).

(And don't even get me started on the fact that 18 year old's in the country where I live are allowed to buy assault weapons.)

Yes, 18-25 year old's are technically and legally adults, but it should be understood and accepted that their brains aren't fully developed and therefore won't necessarily make the smartest decisions. Because that's a fact.

The thing is that two 19 year old's, or thereabouts, are at a similar level of maturity. There is a huge difference in the maturity of a 40 year old and a 19 year old, and although it may be legal (probably even should be legal) for them to have a sexual relationship, the fact is that the younger person's brain isn't fully developed, particularly the parts that control decision making and thinking through consequences, so I think it's creepy and wrong on the part of the 40 year old.

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The age of concent is almost impossible to police anyway. Raising it isn't really going to do anything.

Also it's quite complicated to raise it. You also need to raise the age to marry. No use being able to marry if its illegal to do the deed.

It then adds another layer of bonkersness, do you make it 17 or 18?

It would seem nuts that you can join the army but not get married. Do you raise the age to join the forces to? Or in Scotland you'd be old enough to vote but not marry or have sex.

theChickenDinner · 01/08/2022 23:50

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stillvicarinatutu · 02/08/2022 00:40

The issue here is its MUMSNET

Everyone is thinking oh if that were my boy I'd .........

Thing is 19 year olds are - like it or not - adults .
It massively patronising to say they aren't developed or do t know their minds or that you g parents are policed !

As I said . I was married at 19 and had my first child at 19 . I'd been independent from 16 . I always felt judged walking my ds in his pushchair and wore my wedding ring with pride !

It's so insulting to insinuate adults don't know their own mind .
The age of consent is 16 .
And still - kids have underage sex . As always . Telling people not to do something never ever works. Kids will do the opposite. Education is key. And - if they want to have sex at 19 they are legally entitled to do so . With anyone over 16 in the uk .

StarlightLady · 02/08/2022 07:53

@stillvicarinatutu - Exactly!

Miffee · 02/08/2022 07:59

stillvicarinatutu · 02/08/2022 00:40

The issue here is its MUMSNET

Everyone is thinking oh if that were my boy I'd .........

Thing is 19 year olds are - like it or not - adults .
It massively patronising to say they aren't developed or do t know their minds or that you g parents are policed !

As I said . I was married at 19 and had my first child at 19 . I'd been independent from 16 . I always felt judged walking my ds in his pushchair and wore my wedding ring with pride !

It's so insulting to insinuate adults don't know their own mind .
The age of consent is 16 .
And still - kids have underage sex . As always . Telling people not to do something never ever works. Kids will do the opposite. Education is key. And - if they want to have sex at 19 they are legally entitled to do so . With anyone over 16 in the uk .

A 40 year old going out with a 19 year old is creepy as fuck and screams exploitation.

I have a similar history to you, married young, teenage mum, judged by society etc. I am now in my 40s and when I reflect back I don't not for one second regret it but I do recognise how much of a different person I was. My DH is age appropriate and at the same stage in life I was so it was fine, we mudddled through and grew up together. I dread to imagine 18 year old me going through those things with a 40 year old man who already had all those experiences. What's in it for him? Well I think we all know.

SVRT19674 · 02/08/2022 08:36

MMM, not my cup of tea, but I wouldn´t breathe a word to my friend if she didn´t ask. I still remember when I was 19 and guys in our age group were getting "experience". They would "date" someone from 30s to early 40s and then tell us about it. But that was in the early 90s, so maybe things have changed. Generally they are sharpening their sabre with someone with more experience. As old as the hills this situation.

dottiedodah · 02/08/2022 08:45

Sounds a bit off to me.would not be happy if that were my son .hopefully burn itself out .Still gross older man young girl too

SuperPets · 02/08/2022 08:59

WelliesandWine88 · 29/07/2022 21:51

Incredibly weird. 19 is literally just outside being a teen.... how does she not feel disgusting

19 is not outside being a teen. The clus is in the name: NineTEEN.

So it's not illegal, and he is an adult, and they can both do what they want. But it's still creepy as fuck and she's still a douchebag and if you don't have the slightest issue with it there is something a bit wrong with you.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 02/08/2022 10:13

SaggyBlinders · 29/07/2022 22:04

Isn't the rule half your age plus 7? So 27 as a minimum?

...and now we're all doing the maths and thinking, "Blimey. That's not too bad actually..."

StarlightLady · 02/08/2022 10:27

But is it anything to do with anyone else? we really should not be judgemental as to who other people (legally) have sex with.

As for the teenager description bit, in a recent unrelated news article the Sun described a 19 year old female as a teenage girl, the Guardian covered the same story and opted for a 19 year old woman.

Kanaloa · 02/08/2022 11:23

StarlightLady · 02/08/2022 10:27

But is it anything to do with anyone else? we really should not be judgemental as to who other people (legally) have sex with.

As for the teenager description bit, in a recent unrelated news article the Sun described a 19 year old female as a teenage girl, the Guardian covered the same story and opted for a 19 year old woman.

Realistically nineTEEN is a teenager though. They are still in their teens. They’re an older teenager, for me more of a young adult, but factually they are teenagers. And if your forty years old, teenagers aren’t good dating options. Regardless of the fact that it’s legal. All this ‘it’s legal, it’s LEGAL, it’s not against the law’ is just a smokescreen. Anytime you have to say ‘oh well it’s not illegal’ isn’t great in the first place. Reminds me of the old countdowns in certain papers and magazines of ‘when will x celeb be 18?’ In other words ‘when will it no longer be literally illegal for me to be a creepy fucker?’

SuperPets · 02/08/2022 11:27

StarlightLady · 02/08/2022 10:27

But is it anything to do with anyone else? we really should not be judgemental as to who other people (legally) have sex with.

As for the teenager description bit, in a recent unrelated news article the Sun described a 19 year old female as a teenage girl, the Guardian covered the same story and opted for a 19 year old woman.

Both are correct. 19 is a woman. 19 is a teenager.

Why shouldn't we be judgemental about who people legally have sex with? You can legally have sex with your stepson (over 16). Should I not judge you if you do? You can legally have sex with your sisters husband. Should we not judge? You can legally have sex with your employees.

There are lots of people you can legally have sex with that we can all rightly judge the fuck out of you for. Like a 19 year old boy if you're 40. Creepy, predatory and kind of obscene.

Don't tell me who I can judge.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 02/08/2022 11:51

Fuck that, why would someone in their 40s want to shag a teenager who's not long left school.

And sod teaching them how to ne a good lover, did enough of that in my 20s. I certainly don't want to be doing it in my 40s!

Liorae · 02/08/2022 13:59

This relationship is inappropriate. And will eventually come to an end.
As indeed will the vast majority of relationships. That is hardly a signifier that it should never have happened.

Anonymous48 · 02/08/2022 15:32

Dinoteeth · 01/08/2022 23:44

The age of concent is almost impossible to police anyway. Raising it isn't really going to do anything.

Also it's quite complicated to raise it. You also need to raise the age to marry. No use being able to marry if its illegal to do the deed.

It then adds another layer of bonkersness, do you make it 17 or 18?

It would seem nuts that you can join the army but not get married. Do you raise the age to join the forces to? Or in Scotland you'd be old enough to vote but not marry or have sex.

Show quote history

Well I live in the US where the age of consent is 18. I'm pretty sure you can't join the army before then either, which is quite right. Children shouldn't be having sex or fighting for their country.

I agree that it's impossible to police the age of consent though, of course, but it might change people's attitudes.

Shortjanet · 02/08/2022 16:32

Re any change the age of consent imo context is everything. There is a world of difference between a couple of 16-17 year olds vs a 17 year old with a partner in their 30s or above.

Ohhmydays · 15/12/2022 14:36

MrsMcisaCt · 29/07/2022 23:29

Lucky woman. And he's probably having the time of his life too. I would imagine it's just a fun fling and it will soon be over. I wouldn't do it myself but it's not illegal if they are both consenting so just let them get on with it.

I used to say all time I wouldn’t be able to go out with anyone a lot younger than me but I’m with @0pheIiaBalls I was 30 and dp 19 when we got together. Not near 23years together tho lol due to get married in 2yrs time, have 2 amazing sons together. Started off some drunking laughs in the pub and was so not as weird feeling as I assumed it would be dating someone younger. He was/is more mature than many guys my on age, has way more life experience than most people I know and people actually think he is older than me 😂

Ohhmydays · 15/12/2022 14:56

Just realised this is a very old thread lol

nutbrownhare15 · 15/12/2022 15:00

The same as yours

Florenz · 15/12/2022 15:01

He might be 20 by now so at least not a teenage anymore.

A 40 year old woman dating a 19 year old man is strange but not illegal.

It's not the same as a 40 year old man "dating" a 19 year old girl for numerous reasons. A 19 year old man can't get pregnant for one thing.