40year old female friend dating 19 year old male

[Chatterbox473]

Close friend is 40 years old and is dating at 19 year old male.

Have advised her that i find this to be strange and creepy.

What are your thoughts on this?

Lucky woman. And he's probably having the time of his life too. I would imagine it's just a fun fling and it will soon be over. I wouldn't do it myself but it's not illegal if they are both consenting so just let them get on with it.

If there is a power imbalance. then it's wrong. If not, well, he's above the age of consent; I don't think people should be pigeon-holed by age.

However: This may be odd of me: but to me a lot would depend on his stage in education or work. If he's still at secondary school/ sixth form college, even if technically an adult, I'd be uncomfortable with it. If he's at uni, or in a job- and she's not his lecturer/ boss- I'd think it's up to them.

I think it’s revolting and I’d be rethinking my friendship with her.

My sister did this , she was 40 he was 20 , she was even stupid enough to have a baby with him . Split up when baby was 1, he was a crap boyfriend so immature what made her think he would be a good dad is beyond me .

Absolutely right!!

if this was the other way round we’d all be up in arms!!!!

While I don’t think it’s a great move, may I ask why you would be rethinking your friendship? Aren’t friends allowed to make a questionable choice? I wouldn’t ditch a friend for making a choice that I wouldn’t make for myself.

I feel like too many 40 year old women on here have forgotten how terrible in bed the majority of 19 year old men were.

I don't get the comments of oooh lucky, all about the sex etc. He's young enough to still have residual teenage acne, nothing desirable about someone who has probably just discovered getting drunk as a concept.

It massively depends on the individuals. He could be extremely mature, and she less so. It’s certainly unusual, but I’d personally let your friend make her own choices and not get involved.

I have a 14 year age difference with dh. I was 19. I'm now 40. Married. 3 children etc. I am lucky. I certainly don't want the same for my daughters. We went through alot, we're pretty solid. I realise now it could have been a whole lot different.

He's great (I never tell him this)

He can be a right grumpy old man at times. But more importantly he'd do anything for us. But that's him. Not every guy with a younger woman is like this. I would never encourage a big age gap.

Would we really? Boris 58, Carrie 34, age difference 24 years. No one batted an eyelid.

They're not dating, they've been married nearly 40 years. Younger woman, oldrr man.

to be clear

two couples, family friends
one as above

the other married c20 years, married at 25 and mid 40s, young man, older woman. He became stepfather to late teen girl.

if you meet these couples now, does your stomach turn or is it okay because they're still together?

Sometimeswinning "He's great (I never tell him this)"

see, I'd hate to be with someone who made a point of not saying that.

Such judgement and assumptions from some of you.

If it were my friend I’d ask what she’s getting out of it and if she’s happy. She might have come out of a shitty relationship and just want a bit of fun. If she’s enjoying herself and no harm is being done then I’d be happy for her. It’s none of my business.

That’s completely different to a 40 year old woman dating a 19 year old boy. It’s not the size of the age gap per se, it’s the different life stages they are at.

If it helps he doesn't tell me either. We just assume the other knows that.

20 years and it's worked out OK. Thanks for the concern though. I'll certainly tell him that someone is on his side 😂

And to think at uni, I turned down a gorgeous dental student who was also an elite level athlete, because he was only nearing the end of first year and I was in fourth year! I thought it was a bit "off" and there was a stigma about dating first years!

I never said my stomach turned. But yeah, if I met a couple then found out they started dating when one was a teenager and the other was in their forties I’d think ‘that’s weird,’ and it would colour my view of them. But you are sort of changing the situation every time you post - 25 isn’t a teenager so quite different to the situation I was originally talking about.

If it's that tragic people should campaign to have the age of consent raised to 25!

Legal doesn't mean it's not still dodgy. If my 80 year old father suddenly announced he'd met a lovely 21yo lady from Thailand and had decided to leave the entirety of his wealth to her I'd be like wtf. Probs hire a hitman. 😂

I'm on line dating sort of .

You would not believe the number of very young men trying their luck .

Now I'm not daft and can tell when they just want to tick a box but trust me these aren't poor innocent young teens who don't know what they're doing!

I had a relationship with a very mature lovely man who happened to be half my age . After a further 3 years online I would say he was the most genuine, and nicest guy I met .

This thread is sexist , ageist , and judgemental. I have a 30 year old and a 25 year old and I would never presume to tell them they don't know their own minds when it comes to dating . If they are happy , not in a dv situation, and enjoying themselves then good .

The younger guy I dated was far more mature than the narcissistic knob head I lived with .

I used to date much older men from the age of 17, there was no power inbalance, it was fun. I had no interest in younger men at all.

No I am in my 40s I seem to have more attention from men from about 23 upwards. They are still manly looking though, I don't know many 19 yos who look like men really though, they still look like boys then! I don't have a major issue with it, if it isn't a teacher/student or person in a position of power over the younger person I don't think there's a problem. Young people are definitely babied these days and I think that skews peoples views.

The one relationship I have an issue with looking back was someone i met when on college work experience, he was early 40s. It really shouldn't have happened, it got quite messy but the blame ended up being put on me and I believed him/others that it was my fault. He was very manipulative and being only 17 I believed I was in the wrong.

He must have mummy issues!
But I was 3O something and propositioned by a very young man late teens? - I said “ I’m flattered, but I’m FAR too old” and laughed it off.

Because our morals wouldn’t align and I wouldn’t want to be around someone that would do that. And I have an almost 19 year old son.

Thankfully my friends have age appropriate partners and we share similar morals. They’d be disgusted at anyone our age (we’re all between 36 and 45) sleeping with someone so young.

Who pays for the meal when dating a teenager? 🤔

It’s grim

who wants to be the experienced older person what is enjoyable about that power imbalance

I sometimes get hit on by younger men

its not flattering that they want an older women with experience 🙄 I can’t see anything flattering about that at all