40year old female friend dating 19 year old male

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Close friend is 40 years old and is dating at 19 year old male.

Have advised her that i find this to be strange and creepy.

What are your thoughts on this?

Hear hear !!!

19 is outside being a teen? Okaaaaay…

By 19 I was married with a baby.

19 isn't a child. The judging on this thread is sexist , ageist and quite frankly no one else's fucking business.

100%

Oh it's probably fine, unless we are about to drip-fed multiple other reasons that make it not fine, eg he's her nephew, she's a vampire, etc etc

I am so totally over this infantilisation of young people. Brains not fully wired until 25, oh bugger off, who cares, young people can qualify as pilots FFS, sex is much less complicated.

Humans have evolved to have sex from about age 13, some are emotionally equipped sooner and some later. We've arbitrarily decided 16 is the legal age that it's acceptable to start and he's years beyond that. At 19 he isn't necessarily looking for a lifelong connection, neither I assume is she, as long as they are both enjoying themselves, have at it is what I say.

OP - what did your friend say when you mentioned it?

has he moved in with your friend and her children or something?

My bad 🤷‍♀️ they're actually STILL a teenager..

Sam Taylor-Johnson met Aaron Taylor-Johnson when he was 18 and she was 42 and the director of the film - Nowhere Boy - that he was starring in…

They’ve been married for ten years and have two kids together.

Yuk he's a teenager. Is she 100% sure he's 19 and not 15 pretending to be 19 I'd wanna see some I.d.

I've already said it's a stupid idea to date a teenager but I agree about the infantilisation, which is quite patronising. Some people are parents before 25, it's insulting to suggest that they're idiotic children in adults bodies.

Still a bit cringe to date a teen at 40.

Icky.

That's full on cradle snatching. 😂

If they're still together when he's 38 and she's 62 then I'll take it back. Harsh as it sounds, most men aren't so keen when the sexual attraction wanes. It's different if they're both in their 60s, but most men in their 30s don't find 60yo women attractive, so I'm sceptical if it will pass the test of time.

I'm also sceptical whether all the posters saying '"leave them alone, they're both adults" would genuinely not bat an eyelid if their teenage daughter brought a 40something bloke home for dinner.

Just come back from a local bar with DH. We're 30 and felt old as fuck there is no way I could date one of those guys out tonight.

On the other hand I have a friend 43 who is dating a 22 yr old. Her love life always been chaotic. At first I thought oh gosh and all the above comments but after meeting him and spending a couple of hours with them I didn't notice the age gap at all, there was no power imbalance and they are a sweet couple.
Although I doubt there is any longevity and probably many obstacles (she is peri, he wants kids one day) but they're happy right now and I suppose that's all one could want for their friend.

Really? If your 19 year old daughter brought home a man in his mid-forties you’d think that was cool?

It’s legal but so is sticking your dick in your Frosties before you eat them. Still gross and weird though.

I don't have kids

we have at least two couples as family friends with a 20 year age gap. I don't know when the older ones met but the younger ones met with him at 25 and her at 47. I was friends with him but im not aware of his parents voicing concerns.

Just because it's legal don't make it right. It's fucking rank. If they were in America he wouldn't even be able to drink with her. Just wrong wrong wrong. My friend has a 19 year old kid... he's a kid.

All this 'What if it were your daughter' is a bit sexist tbh.

I wouldn't give a shit, as long as he was decent to her. Same if it was my 19yo DS and a 40yo girlfriend. Or (and this would be the scenario for me, given DD is gay) 19yo DD and her 40yo GF.

I’ve always found that creepy and odd though. I’d find it creepy if a male director in his forties married and had kids with a teenager they were directing in a film too - I think many people would find that odd and a bit creepy but because he’s a young man it’s not seen as problematic. She’s twice his age and has kids closer in age to him than she is. He has a stepdaughter who is more his age than his wife.

It’s not sexist. I was replying to an op who said it wouldn’t bother her and ‘she wouldn’t be bothered the other way round.’ But realistically most people wouldn’t be happy for their teen daughter to be going out with a man in his forties. Not because of sexism but because a man in his forties who seeks out teen girls is likely to either be immature or deliberately seeking out a partner he feels will be easy to control.

Think really hard. Be realistic. Look up some evidence, maybe at the difference between male and female relationships.

I literally hate this comment. There are huge differences in power balances in both situations. Hint, its worse for young women!

I guess my main concern would be if they stayed together and she ended up being his carer, but lord knows I have had enough criticism for my choices - not from parents - so I might raise it if they wanted to get wed, but I'd never criticise it.

there's also the aspect of maybe being a rich and merry widow/er that much the sooner.

relationships are complex. Only the people in them can know what the attraction is. Sometimes everyone knows it's temporary and that's fine. In my day <waves stick> it was commonly held that you can't expect teen girls to date teen boys. But it's all different now.

In my mid 20s I wouldnt have dated a 19 year old, I look at them as kids. Yuck yanbu.

19 literally IS still a teen.

When my friend was 32, she pulled a lad in a night club and took him home, believing him to be in his early 20s. Imagine her shock when she found out he was 17, and even worse when she found out she was pregnant by him!

He's an amazing dad to their DS, they co parent very effectively. But the age gap then was smaller than the age gap between your friend and her lover, and my friend found lots of people thinking she was predatory.