AIBU to think we could afford private school?

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We have one DS, aged 9. If we were to send him to the private school near us, it would mean that we’d have about £900-£950 per month left after mortgage, school fees, bills and food (I’m budgeting £700 for the latter two). I think it’s doable but DH is worried. What do you think?

Do you both pay a into a pension?
Could you afford it if costs continue to climb.
Have you budgeted for other costs, annual costs, holidays etc?

I think it’s doable in theory but it depends on your reasons for sending him, and it would always be a controversial topic. My parents could’ve afforded to send me and siblings to private school but if they had done we might not have gone on holiday every year or had some of the experiences we did. Just priorities, really, nothing wrong with whatever you choose

We’re both paying into a pension but holidays aren’t included in the budget.

Literally no one else can tell you. Only you know the details of your own savings, how much you generally spend after necessities etc, what your comfortable buffer is etc.

£700 for bills AND food seems a low estimate.

Reason for sending him is that the secondary school he’d go to otherwise is not good. We’d either have to send him there, send him to the private school or move away (which we’d really rather not do as our families, friends and work are all nearby).

With bills set to rise massively soon I suspect that 700 will grow and in turn your mortgage payments when your fix comes to an end.

it’s doable but with inflation being so rapid I’d worry

Check the fee schedule very carefully - most private schools get considerably more expensive as the child gets older. Also are you using an all through school or would he go somewhere else for secondary? Often secondary schools are much more expensive than prep schools.

Have you budgeted for the increases in fees as your child progresses through key stages?

You’d have £10,000+ per year for holidays, clothes, Christmas, birthdays etc. It’s doable but the sacrifice is the lack of disposable income

That's tight. I think you are underestimating your expenses and forgetting that fees go up annually.

OP, we did it for two children from 5-18 with less than that left over every month (two credit cards were helping me by the end, so I am still in effect paying, even though I now have no children still at school). I last went on holiday nearly 20 years ago, but consider the money to have been better spent on education and on me being a SAHM.

If you’re wondering if you can afford it
you probably can’t. The fees are just the start- trips, uniform, lunches, exam fees etc are all on top and it goes up every year above inflation. Plus all the friends will have the latest phone/trainers/little place in Italy/bagpipe lessons.

OP were planning on doing the same! We’ll have £900 after all bills and food etc.

my entire salary will pay the fees and we’ve planned for them increasing as DC gets older too.

Our option is private school or moving away.

It is difficult to raise a child with a small budget when surrounded by people with considerably more disposable income.

Would he be able to “fit in” with his classmates if you cannot afford a similar standard of living? Some kids take it on their stride, some become traumatised after bullying and some others, sorry to say this but, some become embarrassed about their families. We had the 3 examples in our family, personally I would have preferred a estate school with private tutorials added on if necessary.

We have much less than that left after paying two sets of fees, very infrequent holidays and old cars. So yes, it’s doable, but you’re sacrificing one lifestyle for another.

I agree with this.

Also, if you do it, please don't mention it endlessly. My parents are still hammering their sacrifice home to me now and I left school over thirty years ago. I don't ask them to do it and I didn't want it, it wasn't my choice and yet I am expected to be endlessly grateful.

Would he be able to “fit in” with his classmates if you cannot afford a similar standard of living?

Yes, because there will be lots of other people in the same boat! My experience is that for every super-rich kid, there's another whose parents are ploughing absolutely every penny into school fees...

Definitely doable.
We send our dd to private school from age 3 (she's now 17) and had a lot less than that left over every month!
Fees do ramp up every year - her sixth form fees are extortionate! But it's been worth every single penny for the experiences she's had, the quality of teaching and the people she's met.
She's now a wonderful, amazing teenager with emotional intelligence and empathy for others which makes me proud every day x
Definitely go for it!

Have you reviewed your current bills & food cost? £700 seems low but depends where you live and size of house might be realistic. Most of those costs you should be able to work out through back and credit card statements. Get a 12 month picture and then do a cash flow forecast assuming 5% inflation and run another version at 7% and 10% to stress test future possibilities.

Cash flow forecast the fees as well. You might be able to find the last few years’ annual fees online to get an idea of average increases although Covid may have skewed. It’s very school dependant - our school averages 3% a year but the top tier schools in our area (SE London) often increase by 5-8% plus the jump from Prep to Senior school fees has an impact. To give you an idea of how this affects cash flow, my eldest started school 5 years ago and prep fees were about £12k a year. My cash flow forecast tells me that at the peak of two kids in senior school in about 5 years time our fees will peak at £50k a year on a relatively small 3% pa increase assumption. So £25k/double for one child. We started at aged 4 so a bigger jump potentially than you will face but shows that the maths is really important to work through as what’s affordable now may not be halfway through Senior school unless you’ve planned to cover those increases.

Having £900 a month after all costs is a good holiday/rainy day fund but you need to forensically review how you get to the £900 plus future increases.

Also make sure you enjoy your jobs. My dh is about to make a big career change and take a pay cut because he's so stressed out at work. We couldn't do it if we were committed to paying private school fees.

The other way to think about it is what if you send him to the local comp and use the money that you would have used for private school fees on tutoring, clubs, trips, other enrichment activities (that might not be possible if you pay private school fees). What does that look like in terms of the outcome you would like.

I think you also need to understand exactly what you mean by the local school being "not good". Are we talking students out of control and 20% GCSE passes? or more "average". How do children like yours fare there?

I'm sorry but I don't agree.
There are kids at private school whose parents aren't rich, they are on a bursary or grant.
My daughter has two working class parents, she doesn't feel the slightest bit of embarrassment over that, in fact she's says she's so proud of us both and is so appreciative of the sacrifices we have made for her education.
She says the kids in her class that come from the richest families can be the biggest wankers - and can also be the nicest people ever.
The kids from the "poorer" families are the same!

I think it's doable but I've said this before. When DS was 8 his fees were £8k (add 20% for trips, uniform, lunches, extras like music tuition). Ten years later his fees were £19,000. He's 27 now.

We had four years' of fees in the bank when we switched him, a very small mortgage on a house we could have sold and moved 5/6 miles out had anything desperate happened.

What's the disaster plan op? In my opinion, once you move them into the independent sector it's very very hard to go back.

You could also think of this in terms of if you didn't pay private school fees but put the money away for him to have as a young adult (e.g. for a house deposit) might that actually be more beneficial?
We considered private school but we thought it represented poor value for money in terms of what else we might do with the money that would benefit the DC more.