AIBU to think we could afford private school?

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We have one DS, aged 9. If we were to send him to the private school near us, it would mean that we’d have about £900-£950 per month left after mortgage, school fees, bills and food (I’m budgeting £700 for the latter two). I think it’s doable but DH is worried. What do you think?

Is he a private school kind of student, op?

What's making you think he won't thrive in comp?

The idea of "send children to the local comp and spend the money on enrichment" doesn't take into account the importance of peer group to some children. These children, if they fall in with the 'wrong' peer group, will be telling you to stick your drama/dance/music lessons and trips to art galleries and stately homes, because they want to spent their spare time dicking around with their mates outside the off licence. My experience of independent schools, and of having a child who is always likely to gravitate to the least desirable people in the class, is that the 'least desirable' at an independent school is still tolerable, compared with the 'least desirable' at our local school. Comp + enrichment is fine for a child who is naturally law-abiding and hard working (in fact, it would be fantastic), but it's very much not fine for a child who is naturally a bit lazy and easily led.

we thought it represented poor value for money in terms of what else we might do with the money that would benefit the DC more

I looked at it in a different way, and thought it better to invest a huge amount of money in (hopefully) ensuring that they end up in the best possible position to get decent jobs and earn enough to buy their own houses in due course. It is just another way of looking at the same thing.

We’ve made a lot of financial sacrifices to send our children to private school. For us it’s been an overwhelmingly positive experience but of course all schools are different, and different children flourish in different environments. As previous posters have said there are a wide range of backgrounds - yes there are some super-rich, but also a lot of people who are similar backgrounds to us. Many reasons for and against private school, but don’t let ‘they might not fit in’ be a big worry.

how would you not manage with nearly a grand of spare income each month? Is there something I’m missing

I also disagree with the fitting in with the wealthy peer group post. I privately educated my child and many kids are not from wealthy families, there is a whole spectrum it’s an urban myth it’s not, bursaries, scholarships, parents spending everything to get them there, teachers kids etc, plus the realit is just becayse someone’s parents are wealthy it doesn’t mean they indulge their child. I can assure you.

id also say kids pick their friends based on who they like, not how much money their parents have, irs the parents who have this issue, not the kids, never the kids,

If they are 9 then I assume they are starting year 5 in sept and going into private in year 7. Put the amount equivalent to school fees into a separate account over the next year or so and don't touch it. See if you can live without it. Then you'll know.

Honestly I have to warn you that last year my fees went up 5% and this year 8%.

Fees tend to go up as you move through the years. Will your income outrun inflation?

Only you wilL know your appetite for debt to support school and then what about uni etc?

if I’m being honest in your shoes I’d say you are cutting it to fine

To get your answer, set up a savings account, and put £1.5k a month in it (or whatever the fees are) and see how you manage with out it. If it feels ok, then you can use the money in the account to fund any extras such as trips and uniform when he eventually goes.

And if they didn't earn up in "decent" jobs? Or choose to go into a job that they loved that didn't pay well? Would you consider that to be a failure?
Or (based on the way the economy is going) they ended up in a decent job but still couldn't afford to buy a house without significant help from their parents - will they wish then that you had spent your money differently?

(The trouble with all these decisions is that you don't get to clone your DC and take a time machine 20 years into the future to see what worked out best. So perhaps there is no "best" - just different).

And if they didn't earn up in "decent" jobs? Or choose to go into a job that they loved that didn't pay well? Would you consider that to be a failure?

Of course I wouldn't. XH and I always said we were paying to maximise their options, not to condemn them to go down a particular route. Obviously it's great if that route enables them to earn a huge salary and buy a house. But if it takes them down an entirely different route, that's fine too. The main thing is that they have been given the opportunity. What they then do with it is their choice.

As for your second question (Or (based on the way the economy is going) they ended up in a decent job but still couldn't afford to buy a house without significant help from their parents - will they wish then that you had spent your money differently?), I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty that they will always be glad that they went to the schools they went to, whatever happens post-university.

Also agree with you that there are no 'best' outcomes, @redskyatnight . I think we all just do what we consider to be in our children's best interests, to the best of our abilities and within our means!

Private school so worth the sacrifices - you child will make great friends for life and will have useful connections because of the private education - also doors tend to open re certain jobs if you are privately educated- I know this as this has happened for my nephew !

Not worth it imo_ that amount left will be sucked up in an instant. Yes education is important but you aren’t doomed to fail going to a state school and quality of life: holidays, extra curricular activities, are just as important imo

This has also been my experience.

We are like the majority of parents at DC fee paying school. We have jobs we don’t absolutely adore but are flexible (so I can make £££ doing extra shifts) so we are very much part of the school community and able to attend fixtures etc

In my experience there are always 4-5 very very wealthy parents in each year. Everyone else is ‘normal’ - I’d say 30% rely on grandparents to help out and everyone uses the 2nd hand shop.

Our DC do not learn musical instruments as we cannot afford it. Lunches and exams are included in the fees. I am up front with DC about what we can afford. One big school trip every other year.

We have no disposable income left each month. Not a penny. If DC were at state school we would have a considerable disposable income. It’s cool though, we made our choice.

Do budget for everything that isn't fees - don't forget that in private school you'll have to pay for a lot of things that are included/subsidised/ just more extravagant than in state school - trips, exam fees, clubs, uniform etc. Plus 'keeping up with peers' with clothes, birthday parties, holidays etc.
Just as an example I can think of off the top of my head - holiday club, at the local state primary it's about £25/day. At the local private school it's £50/day.

Would you struggle with all the extras?

On paper it's doable, however there are a lot of ad hoc expenses at private school that you're just expected to stump up. Uniform, school trips, exchanges etc are all quite expensive, and tend to be the done thing. I remember feeling really out of kilter in my private school when my parents lost their main income source and I couldn't do any of the (expected) extras. Just a thought.

Absolutely this!

Absolutely right!
My daughter has never felt any pressure over how much money her friends parents may have... she always says it's the parents that have made the money not the kids!
When I drop her off to parties at a huge house with an outdoor swimming pool etc I always ask if I can come in to take a peek...she's like "omg mum don't be so embarrassing it's just xxxxxs house!"
😂😂😂😂😂

Some of the extras are more costly, but some aren’t. We moved from state to private, and was surprised to find everyone uses the second-hand uniform shop at the latter, whereas at the state people were a bit sniffy about using it. Also the wrap-around care is usually included in the fees, so early-care from 8am and clubs until 5.30pm. Trips cost about the same as in the state school but there’s a lot more choice, which makes it easier to not go on them if you wish - at our old school it was quite obvious if you weren’t on the main overseas trip.

does the school fees include all extras? In DDs schools, there is a set ‘fee’ but meals, transport, uniform (which costs a considerable amount), school trips, school clubs, music lessons etc are all extra. We pay at least £200-£300 a month extra on top of the published school fees. Definitely worth checking whether this is included in the costs you’ve budgeted for.

I used to run the second hand uniform shop at my dds primary school and everyone used it - I actually turned it around from being a bit crappy to making the most money for the PTA - although it wasn't called the PTA obviously it was more posh than that!😜
And you know what? I managed to turn it around because I was a market trader selling ladies fashion😂

For us it was the quality of education and the fact that all of the children's peers had parents who were motivated about education.

Also the fact that from age 8 ds had specialist: Maths, English, Science, French, Ancient History/Latin, Geography, History, etc, and very rich extra-curriculars. Later there was a superb language offering and always exceptional art and music. Our local secondaries were dire.

I think both our children came out well educated as well as well qualified and they both have well developed, logical minds and write well.

No it’s not enough. School fees are increasing this year for me by 6%, that coupled with all the other costs increasing means the money we have left is being eroded.

Add all the school extras like uniforms and after school club and trips and then how the fees ramp up in Year 1, it’s easily another 2 monthly payments on top.

Lunches are usually included in school fees