AIBU to think we could afford private school?

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We have one DS, aged 9. If we were to send him to the private school near us, it would mean that we’d have about £900-£950 per month left after mortgage, school fees, bills and food (I’m budgeting £700 for the latter two). I think it’s doable but DH is worried. What do you think?

My daughter has commented in the past about the size of some houses - saying things like - “why does x have such a big house.” I’ve never heard comments about smaller houses or cars. Maybe it is different at secondary as I do find the kids at our school are quite innocent and protected.

When I was at school and visiting school friends I didn't bat an eyelid at the houses or think anything of it, and they included enormous manor houses (only one of those), farmhouses and flats.

Do folk really think that foregoing an expensive car and luxury holidays will enable people to afford private education ? Driving an old banger and going on a Haven holiday will suddenly free up thousands of pounds ?

Is he clever or average? If the former he will probably do well at whatever school you send him to. If not then Private School will probably help him improve.

Certainly could do, driving a £10 000 car instead of a £40 000 one and going to Haven type holidays, maybe £2000 as opposed to going to an exotic destination, upwards of £7000 and yes, with a little extra input, you've got enough for day pupil private school fees at a huge range of private schools.

Just a very rough tot up:
The school my daughter goes to is less than £12 000 a year for day girls. So five years at that is £60 000. So a saving of £30 000 on the car and £25 000 on the holidays already makes £55 000. Yes you'd need another £5000 over 5 years, so just £1000 a year. Of course, you do then have uniforms, maybe a bit of an increase in fees (although some of that would be negated due to me already overestimating the fees) but it is certainly doable for middle income families in the circumstances you describe. Not saying it would be a breeze, but it's possible.

I liked the suggestion for living like you would with the fees now and banking the money. It does 2 things; starts a savings that you can use in the future + gives you and your DH a realistic picture of what you will be committing to without the actual commitment.

The best outcome is that you find you can easily live with that budget and you have funds for extras or emergencies. Worst case is you find out it’s not doable for the long term before the commitment and time to plan alternatives. That worst case is still a pretty good option.

It’s not just the money for the fees though is it? The uniform usually costs a fortune and they always usually require an instrument and sport on top, which cost too. So it’s not just paying the school fees, there is a lot of extra’s on top.

In my experience the uniform was a miniscule % age of the overall costs. I think DS had three £100ish blazers in three years, a couple of jerseys, 4/5 ties. Trousers and shirts could come from M&S and we'd have been buying anyway.

Sports kit was an expensive initial outlay but was once only because ds was sporty and the school provided the strips and also coaching from former nationals in most cases. The only eye-watering expense was cricket kit: helmet, pads, box, bat, bag, etc, but he was a cricketer. School lunches were £4.50 a day from 2005-2016.

We said one educational trip a year and one fun trip every other year. Then came the sports tours that we were happy to go along with because we felt trips to South America, Sri Lanka and South Africa were worth it.

As I have said before work on the fees plus 20%. Factor in the disaster funding plan and then decide if it's affordable. I'm not sure we'd have done it if we had been concerned about funding it.

We were middling in the context of wealth factors. Not super rich but neither were we worrying about the cost of uniform or £2k for a sports tour.

Was it worth it. Every single penny I'd say. Both DC are ex Oxbridge; albeit neither following a corporate career but both doing things they love.

Uniform for most schools costs s lot according to what I read on here. Most private schools have a second hand uniform shop or parents run a Facebook group.
At private schools I have been involved with (as a parent and teacher) only a small proportion play instruments and sport is part of the curriculum, it doesn’t cost extra. Trips are optional.
Almost all schools have children from a wide range of backgrounds and financial circumstances; I have never known children to pass negative comments on other pupils’ cars, houses or possessions.

I voted YABU, as you haven’t factored in fee inflation. It’s usually 4-5% a year BEFORE the current economic crisis.

There are also multiple expensive trips per year and the uniform list is bonkers!! We’re at prep age and DCs already have 4 different bags, 6 pairs of different shoes and several different PE kits.

In your shoes I’d focus on extra-curricular activities and tutors.

@Raneer is talking rubbish.
As a scholarship/bursary pupils from a council estate, my sister and I fitted in very well at our private school. It took years to pay off the uniform, and we each had one trip abroad over the whole seven years, but we were not bullied. Friends came to
our house and made no
negative comments on the lack
of a car, a fridge or central heating.
I think a lot of the negative comments about private schools are down to jealousy.
In the same vein, a friend said she was surprised my DD had accepted a place at Oxford as she would never allow her daughter to apply as a cousin had studied there and ‘turned out very odd’. Truth was, her DD was unlikely to have been offered a place, and the cousin was ‘odd’ before he went there.

No jealousy here. We could easily have afforded it but we don’t believe in buying privilege.

Please don't be so flippant, it's blinkered and to be frank a bit tedious. We didn't buy our daughter "privilege". We work bloody hard and go without personally to try to do the best we can for her needs. I am sorry others can't afford it who's children may also benefit, it would be lovely if everyone were equal, but we don't live in that world. I flat out refuse to feel bad and be told I'm buying privilege when I use the money we have, that we work hard for, to pay school fees at a middle of the road private school rather than having a house / decent car / fancy TV / holiday / having my hair done, having nice clothes / eating out or having takeaways. You wouldn't say someone was "buying privilege" if someone bought a house in a good state school area. What's the difference? We use the limited money we have in a way that we feel is a good investment.

and yes, it’s exactly the same as buying a house in the catchment area of a top state school

Not really. At least if you buy a house you also get somewhere to live and you can sell it at a profit when the kids leave school.

I went to a private school, my mum could JUST about afford it after doing lots of overtime, no holidays etc. And I would never advise it. Your child's lifestyle will be considerably different to the kids in the school. It's not just about the school fees, factor in the expensive uniform, equipment, the school trips. I used to beg to stay off on own clothes days because the other kids clothing was so much more expensive than mine etc x

I think that's very tight. Is the private school actually worth it? We could afford to send our children but we don't. My husband and I both attended our local bog standard secondary school and have both done incredibly well career wise. Imo private schools are not always worth the sacrifice in terms of the quality of education, and can result in young adults who are not well-rounded or ready for university life.

@JosephineGH I reject this notion that bright kids will do well at any school. It's obvious nonsense and completely discounts the value of an education.

It's really just a veiled insult to hurl at anyone going to private school that implies their kid must be thick otherwise they wouldn't need a good education.

I reject this notion that bright kids will do well at any school. It's obvious nonsense and completely discounts the value of an education.

I agree.

How can anyone disagree with Alan Bennett?

"“It is hard not to think that we all know that to educate not according to ability but according to the social situation of the parents is both wrong and a waste.

“Private education is not fair. Those who provide it know it. Those who pay for it know it. Those who have to sacrifice in order to purchase it know it.

“And those who receive it know it, or should. And if their education ends without it dawning on them then that education has been wasted.”

I do like Alan Bennett but I'd say he contradicts himself slightly with the second paragraph, and I especially disagree with the first. He's correct about fairness of course.

I disagree.

Firstly to agree with Alan you are conceding that private education is quite a bit better than state education. I agree with this but you will find plenty of people who don't.

Secondly, what is the waste he's referring to? It's not the state which is funding them, it's additional money being put into education. The alternative is put them through state school and the net result is an overall lower level of attainment - how's that better?

I also reject the notion that having the ability to send children to private school is some roll-of-the-dice luckiness. With planning, most parents could send their children if that was their priority but to most parents it isn't. They'd rather use that money for other things. That's fine of course, but it's not unfair.

I know his poetic style of writing makes what he's saying sound more deep and profound, but it's bollocks.

I believe it is doable but obviously it will be at the expense of other luxuries. I know many families put the majority of their earnings into private schools and don't regret it. However, you need to think of other factors. Most private school fees increase once they start year 9 and then increase again in sixth form. I would just make sure you have properly looked for any possible scholarships/bursaries you can get. Have you looked at options for potential scholarships?