Secret Confessions thread 2

[ThePoorWeeDonkey]

I missed the boat on the first thread and really needed to get this off my chest. Apologies to original op.

I resent my dad for not dying instead of my mother. I absolutely adored her and now just feel negatively towards my father for being the one I'm left with. All of my other siblings/wider family adore him so I have never told anyone this irl, not even my DP.
I know it's disgusting but I'm hoping once my loss is not as fresh I will start to feel differently.

I am in my thirties, own several stuffed animals and around close family and DP, I make them talk. My little teddies have developed complex lives, personalities and quirks over the years. We all join in with it. It's like a serial drama with different characters. It makes us laugh.

It's eccentric, and yes we are a bit bonkers, but I figure it doesn't harm anyone. The world could use a little more whimsy if you ask me right now!

When I was about 10 I was with some friends at a little wooded bit surrounded by houses. We saw some kids come on and light a fire. Being the responsible kids we were we thought it best to call the firemen. Unfortunately the only one of us confident enough to talk on the phone was a right twat who didn't explain the situation but rather told them the whole woods was on fire. Obviously they bombed it down and jumped out ready for action. The actual fire had gone out by that point, we didn't have the balls to go explain ourselves and I have been ashamed of myself ever since that we essentially pranked the fire service and wasted precious resources.

I also had massive amounts of tests to work out why I constantly pissed the bed because I was too embarrassed to tell them I'd wake up needing a wee and was so afraid of what lurked in the dark I couldn't get out of bed so would deliberately wet the bed so I could go back to sleep.

If I had money I would hire a hitman to kill my brothers girlfriend. She's a narcissist and controlling. She is physically abusive to my brother and has made him a shell of his former self. He is now depressed and anxious all the time. I hate her but have to smile when I see her

Several of my friends have kids that I want to punch in the face. They are so rude and irritating

I internally roll my eyes when I hear someone is "non-binary"

I like the smell of my own farts
(That's all, I'm going away now 🤦🏽‍♀️🤣)

Everyone seems to think I live in a lovely place. I secretly hate the accent, don't fit in and don't have many friends. I can't wait to move away in a few years time.

I have two cousins who really made me feel like doodoo when I got pregnant at 19. They said all the usual cliches - you're ruining your life, get a career/house first...
We are now in our 40s (one is 41 and the other 44)
They have their careers and their house but no kids and they are desperate for kids.
It's bad but I can't help but smirk sometimes

I have absolutely filthy thoughts about one of my work colleagues. He's not UK based and I entertain myself on boring Teams calls imagining numerous sexy scenarios where he tells me naughty things in French.

Ok I'll bite. My first one I'm really ashamed of and one of my biggest regrets, so please don't judge me too harshly 😖

When I was in my late teens, I was in "the mood" and went to grab my vibrator. The vibrator ran out of battery and there were no spares/I couldn't find them, so I used an immediate family member's plug-in vibrator that they not so subtly always hid very well in their bedroom. I really regret it for obvious reasons, and yes I did wipe the toy both before and after use, I'm not that grim! And no, I 100% don't have any sexual feelings for said immediate family member, if I did.. well, this'd be the perfect thread to confess! It was purely a desperation moment and as soon as I did it, I was filled with regret.

My second confession is that I am sexually attracted to women but not romantically, and am very, very rarely sexually attracted to a man, but still develop romantic feelings for men and physical attraction, just not sexual attraction if that makes any sense to anybody. I know, It's confusing and frustrating.

My other confession is due to confession 2, I obviously cannot get pleasure from sex with men and I've never told a man, nor has he ever figured out that I am actually faking orgasm. Honestly every partner I've been with seemed to believe I really enjoyed myself.

I got us off the gift giving treadmill by saying can we just exchange cards from now on.

What I didn't say was, please, no more pre-paid gift cards I beg of you. I'm fed up with having to drive to find the nearest relevant retail outlet, usually in a nearby town, so I can use it. I end up buying salad dressing or some such then donating it to a foodbank.

The cinema gift cards were the worst. I have a lifetime memory of driving to the relevant cinema chain, buying sweets, then donating the sweets to a good cause.

I'll go to the cinema in my local town when I want to.

Your response to that was to get your spouse to write the cards. (I don't know why they go along with it, but they've been enabling you for years, so why stop now ?) Well, if it makes you feel better.

The irony being is that you buy the card, stand behind your spouse to narrate the suitably jolly message, put the postage stamp on the envelope then post it so it arrives on time.

Once again you leave me bewildered.

However, I have since learned that narcissists are all about getting you 'on the back foot' and questioning yourself. So, there it is.

Placemarking

Everyday I have several vivid, intrusive thoughts of horrific things happening. They usually involve my children and I am terrified of something happening to them.

Some examples from yesterday - I imagined a car plummeting into us as we walked to the shop, a drowning incident where I couldn't save my little one as she was trapped in the weeds. An incident where our car rolled over and the car set on fire and I couldn't get to my children in time. I imagine these scenarios in a terrifying level of detail.

I am constantly on the brink of a panic attack and in fight or flight mode. I try so hard to hide this from the little ones - and mostly I do. But earlier this year an alarm went off in an underground carpark we were in and I literally took the kids and ran. It was just a false alarm and when I got back in the car I had a full panic attack. I am so scared about my ability to handle things if something really did happen.

I'm going to touch wood now X 3 X 3.

You know whenever you see a skateboarding park, there'll be a bunch of teens doing their stuff, and always one man of 35+ trying desperately to fit in. I just want to shoot him.

so I go on and on about how we all need to stop allowing men to abuse us. Recognise the signs of emotional abuse. This person manipulates and uses you etc etc
I genuinely am so passionate about us as women just divorcing and leaving men the 2nd they start doing some slippery slope fuckery. No second chances, cut your losses.

…just realised my closest friend the person is like… pretty much the above person. Doesn’t care about me unless I speak about/to her, doesn’t care about my life, puts me down as a joke, makes me feel like she’s my only friend, alienated me from others and dislikes everyone in my life who she hasn’t vetted first

what the hell!!!I feel really embarrassed you know

I also like to drink juice from the bottle x

@Namechanger080828 I may be way off base here, but I wonder if not finding women romantically attractive is partly to do with imagiend gender roles and ideas about what a family looks like? It's quite normal for gay or bi people to romantically project onto the opposite sex, because they fit their idea of a relationship and family. Also especially as a woman you are used to men behaving explicitly romantically towards you. But you might find that if you were open to dating women that actually you start to see how a relationship would work, you have the experience of someone female giving you that type of attention and you start to develop romantic feelings.

Just as a warning to all and i have reported them but I'm getting some unsolicited private messages from men from my one small confession on the previous thread.

I secretly fancy dh brother.
I hate how fat and undynamic dh has become.
I can no longer tune in to his middle class aspirations now the kids are bigger.

I remember being sexually attracted to males in my early teens during puberty but I suffered sexual abuse in my teens by men and think that this has tainted my sexual attraction towards men as since the abuse I've noticed I can't get any sexual attraction from men anymore, only women now, it does confuse me 😩

@djdkdkddkek - that is sad but I find it's also harder to let go of a friend who we realises treats us bad. I hope you can manage to break free from that relationship or tell her about herself.

SarahSteedman82 I knew that would happen when I read your post, they're boringly predictable

Another I hate my sister in law confession! I regularly day dream in my head about saying what I think of her to her face and then punching her! I've thought about it so many times i might actually do it one day! It would make me feel so good. I've never been in a fight before in my life and I'm actually a quiet person who hates confrontation. But my god this woman brings out the rage in me.

So much for the secrecy of confession hey! I have no real issue with the friendly non creepy type odd.messave here and there, but one was particularly off!

My dh is a moany misery guts. I think he does go through phases of depression but I lose sympathy because he won’t do anything about it. Won’t see a dr or a therapist, won’t go on any medication, just sits around and grumps. I’m so sick of it. I’m so fucking tired of feeling like I’m walking on eggshells.

I sometimes cut myself in places where nobody will see- in my hairline, under my arms, behind my ears.

@Jack2507 I let rip at a family member once and it has haunted me and the wider family ever since!!

Yes I would have. But he stood me up. I think I scared him off by telling him the circumstances of my life at that time. I wonder who advised him or did he think of that all himself ?

I would have shagged him. But he stood me up.

I only wanted a random shag and a silent laugh at his tattoos.

Being ditched like that was brutal. However, in retrospect, and it took me a very long time to realise, did me a huge favour. My life would have been very much more fucked up if he'd met me that evening......

I did a bit of sleuthing to find out his last name so that led to a bit more sleuthing. He could be described as a 'no marks.' Wasn't that bothered, just wanted a shag. He was pictured with a girlfriend on social media a few months later. I would have loved to ask him, 'who was that female impersonator you were dating ?'

I met another couple of OLD guys individually on the rebound. It was then I realised that these online dating sites seem to be full of married men scrounging for sex. They've bolloxed their relationship/marriage, don't want to ruin their financial position by getting divorced, so go scrounging for sex on OLD/real life/anywhere.

One guy said he met a woman who had a rape fantasy but he made her write down the details so if it ever came to court he had evidence.

Wasn't that same thing part of the pop singer R. Kelly's defence ?

I met for a date with this same guy (not R. Kelly) who was quizzing me to ascertain how dim or clever or old or young I was i.e. dropping hints that he worked for a then big deal phone company twenty years ago which resulted in me naming the company.

I declined his offer to drive me back to my car which I had stashed in a quiet corner of the huge car park at the venue. I didn't want him to drive out of he car park at 80 miles an hour with me in the passenger seat.

I had what I now understand to be, 'the gift of fear.' Not terrified just that gut reaction of nope. No way.

I was surprised that he text me an hour after we parted company, remarking on things, indignant that I thought he was going to kidnap me. I ended the conversation by texting, 'I would not have been exciting enough for you.'

I have so much that I am.ashamed of
When I was 14, I had a lot of make attention..slept with/sexual favours for various men, the oldest being 53. I was actually friends with one, who was 31 at the time. when my daughter reached that age, I realise how wrong it was on their part, but I still feel guilty.

I've not been the best mum in the past, which I am making up for..too many nights out etc. I had a drinking problem.

I remember having the urge when I was 6 to have an outburst at my so lovely great grandparents..they looked so hurt..I don't know why I did it, and will.always regret it

You have described my life 😬