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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Secret Confessions thread 2

217 replies

ThePoorWeeDonkey · 29/07/2022 01:20

I missed the boat on the first thread and really needed to get this off my chest. Apologies to original op.

I resent my dad for not dying instead of my mother. I absolutely adored her and now just feel negatively towards my father for being the one I'm left with. All of my other siblings/wider family adore him so I have never told anyone this irl, not even my DP.
I know it's disgusting but I'm hoping once my loss is not as fresh I will start to feel differently.

OP posts:
googlewasmyidea1066 · 29/07/2022 22:54

@Ssshhhhh I'm really sorry your feeling this way. Sending you big hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

saturdaysgoodwithme · 29/07/2022 23:01

@Tartanshawl - same. I've googled it way too many times. And it's usually after someone I know has died. I become obsessed with what they must look like dead in the morgue 🤦🏽‍♀️

saturdaysgoodwithme · 29/07/2022 23:08

@Ssshhhhh - this has made me cry because I feel exactly the same 😢😢😢
It's weird seeing how I feel written down by someone else or maybe not weird but comforting

FessedUp · 30/07/2022 00:44

In my first two years at university I had sex for money. I had a few wealthy clients whom I visited, and was never in any danger. I made fantastic money, and told friends/flatmates/boyfriends that I did admin and light housekeeping for professional men. I'm pretty sure they believed me. I only stopped after I'd been with now DH for a while and we'd professed love. It was very hard to stop!

I have zero guilt or regret.

FessedUp · 30/07/2022 01:01

Also, I lost my DF, DMIL and my dog over the last 18 months. Guess which was the only one to make me properly cry? 🐕

DH caught me sobbing about the dog once, so I pretended I was reminiscing about MIL and the fun we had.

asiwasaying · 30/07/2022 01:08

I have a serious case of the green eyed monster.
I scroll through Instagram a lot wishing I was invited along to my friends trips/dinner dates/theatre nights and festival going but I never get invited or have any money to attend

I like and comment but secretly I wish they were as bored, broke and left out as I am

googlewasmyidea1066 · 30/07/2022 07:44

@saturdaysgoodwithme I'm really sorry you're feeling this way too. Sending you big hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 too.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 30/07/2022 08:21

Yesterday when everyone was out of the house I made some cake mix, and just ate the raw batter 😳
It's not something I do very often but every once in a while I get a hankering for cake batter so whip up a batch to eat on my own.

ShhDoNotTell · 30/07/2022 08:43

I’m planning on leaving my DH for my three year online affair.

Beau45 · 30/07/2022 09:35

That sounds really hard. I suffer with terrible intrusive thoughts too. I’m just so scared of what might happen. I think it’s a combo of extreme anxiety/OCD. I’m going to try CBT as it’s no way to live.

Beau45 · 30/07/2022 09:36

Pleasecreateausername · 29/07/2022 10:13

Everyday I have several vivid, intrusive thoughts of horrific things happening. They usually involve my children and I am terrified of something happening to them.

Some examples from yesterday - I imagined a car plummeting into us as we walked to the shop, a drowning incident where I couldn't save my little one as she was trapped in the weeds. An incident where our car rolled over and the car set on fire and I couldn't get to my children in time. I imagine these scenarios in a terrifying level of detail.

I am constantly on the brink of a panic attack and in fight or flight mode. I try so hard to hide this from the little ones - and mostly I do. But earlier this year an alarm went off in an underground carpark we were in and I literally took the kids and ran. It was just a false alarm and when I got back in the car I had a full panic attack. I am so scared about my ability to handle things if something really did happen.

I'm going to touch wood now X 3 X 3.

That sounds really hard. I suffer with terrible intrusive thoughts too. I’m just so scared of what might happen. I think it’s a combo of extreme anxiety/OCD. I’m going to try CBT as it’s no way to live.

ValleyOfSomewhere · 30/07/2022 10:34

I have name changed for this post. This happened in the west country when I was a 19 year old, having travelled there for work as a young man.

My job was on a stud farm working for a rich family. There were about a dozen staff there, mostly male in their 30's and 40's and married with kids. This is relevant because I was the fall guy for weekend duties, bank holidays and Christmas Day when I had to be present on site, often alone. Water off a duck's back because I loved physically working on my own outside with all the responsibility.

Long hot summers bring people out in peculiar ways. For one thing, it makes them hornier. Alice (name changed here) was the owner's daughter and having finished her A Levels was off to university that September. The owner was a functioning alcoholic, expect on Saturdays when he was several sheets to the wind in the local market town. Alice's mum (let's call her Claire) was protective and had plans for Alice which involved her marrying off into money. Alice was told to stay away from the local boys.

Alice was stunning. Bright too because she would come to the farm office on Saturdays to do some owner billing and payments when papa was in the Red Lion and Claire was up at the spa in Bath with her friends. For three months Alice and I shagged in every conceivable position, in the office, in the hay barn, on the hill in the rain overlooking the farm and on her parents kitchen floor. We shagged at the bottom of the garden in the foliage when Claire was entertaining friends. We got secretly engaged and Alice got pregnant.

As Alice's summer was coming to a close so did our opportunities to meet. Sad, but inevitable as I knew this was the direction of travel and Alice was looking forwards to a different future. One afternoon I was finishing watering the stock and had a few hours spare before the evening shift when 3-4 others would turn up to help move the stock over. I was just finishing watering up when Claire drove into the yard. For some bizarre reason she had brought some tools back up to the yard (only her husband ever did this). Claire then proceeded to engage me in discussion wanting to know about my background, plans for the future etc. All a bit unexpected, then she started becoming a bit tactile. Well, things just started to happen and Claire had her lips locked onto mine while pressing herself hard against me. I think it was clear I would not have said no! We spent the next half an hour shagging on the tack room floor with Claire's legs locked round my back. That first one was a 'quicky', but we met several more times for longer sessions, well into the winter.

Here is the thing. Some 25 years later, I am in a professional career in a town over the other side of the country. Having reminisced about the stud farm to a local contact, but leaving the shagging out for obvious reasons, she said she knew the family well. In fact, Alice had moved to the US for a while and having had a marriage failure had returned to the UK and remarried. Alice was also in that very same town and had a successful local business. The contact was heading there next and thought it would be good if I tagged along. I did and although Alice did not recognise me at first, we did have a pleasant hour over a cup of tea talking about the stud farm and what we had done since. Papa had died, the farm was sold to developers and Claire had moved across country to the same town to be closer to Alice and her kids. Claire popped in on the way past, totally unannounced. Alice said "you must remember Valley don't you?" Claire said, "yes, I think so." Now that was the uncomfortable bit.

There is more to tell. Like the Christmas Day papa came into the stud farm with a loaded shotgun convinced someone local had been shagging his wife. Or the woman who lived in the lodge house next to the stud farm, who had the most insatiable appetite for delivery men.

CrazyJoPavlova · 30/07/2022 13:41

Last weekend I was arrested. Mug shot and finger prints taken. I’ve never even had a speeding ticket. Nobody but those on the scene know about this. I am utterly terrified.

OldName78 · 30/07/2022 13:44

NC for this obviously .... often when I'm having a wank I think of my BIL.

7Valleys · 30/07/2022 13:49

I've lost interest in sex many years ago. I'm not sure why. I've never told my lovely DH, and strangely find it easy to carry on having sex. Everything still works down there (lubrication), fake an orgasm, go down on him, etc. We're very happy, for me it feels like a chore, but I'm OK to carry on like this.

CounsellorTroi · 30/07/2022 13:55

@ValleyOfSomewhere you said Alice got pregnant. What happened after that?

the80sweregreat · 30/07/2022 14:05

Valley, did ' Alice' become pregnant with your child or someone else's?

WayToMemphis · 30/07/2022 14:13

After struggling for many years, I'm in a much much better situation financially than my family and friends know. I'm on the verge of selling our small business, and will retire a few years early :)

I never had an orgasm until my mid 50s. I was undergoing some tests and investigation, and answering questions for my GP when the topic arose. After some discussion I bought some books, equipment, took some time and never looked back! I feel stupid not to have dealt with that before.

HereWeAreAtTheEdgeOfTheWorld · 30/07/2022 14:23

ValleyOfSomewhere · 30/07/2022 10:34

I have name changed for this post. This happened in the west country when I was a 19 year old, having travelled there for work as a young man.

My job was on a stud farm working for a rich family. There were about a dozen staff there, mostly male in their 30's and 40's and married with kids. This is relevant because I was the fall guy for weekend duties, bank holidays and Christmas Day when I had to be present on site, often alone. Water off a duck's back because I loved physically working on my own outside with all the responsibility.

Long hot summers bring people out in peculiar ways. For one thing, it makes them hornier. Alice (name changed here) was the owner's daughter and having finished her A Levels was off to university that September. The owner was a functioning alcoholic, expect on Saturdays when he was several sheets to the wind in the local market town. Alice's mum (let's call her Claire) was protective and had plans for Alice which involved her marrying off into money. Alice was told to stay away from the local boys.

Alice was stunning. Bright too because she would come to the farm office on Saturdays to do some owner billing and payments when papa was in the Red Lion and Claire was up at the spa in Bath with her friends. For three months Alice and I shagged in every conceivable position, in the office, in the hay barn, on the hill in the rain overlooking the farm and on her parents kitchen floor. We shagged at the bottom of the garden in the foliage when Claire was entertaining friends. We got secretly engaged and Alice got pregnant.

As Alice's summer was coming to a close so did our opportunities to meet. Sad, but inevitable as I knew this was the direction of travel and Alice was looking forwards to a different future. One afternoon I was finishing watering the stock and had a few hours spare before the evening shift when 3-4 others would turn up to help move the stock over. I was just finishing watering up when Claire drove into the yard. For some bizarre reason she had brought some tools back up to the yard (only her husband ever did this). Claire then proceeded to engage me in discussion wanting to know about my background, plans for the future etc. All a bit unexpected, then she started becoming a bit tactile. Well, things just started to happen and Claire had her lips locked onto mine while pressing herself hard against me. I think it was clear I would not have said no! We spent the next half an hour shagging on the tack room floor with Claire's legs locked round my back. That first one was a 'quicky', but we met several more times for longer sessions, well into the winter.

Here is the thing. Some 25 years later, I am in a professional career in a town over the other side of the country. Having reminisced about the stud farm to a local contact, but leaving the shagging out for obvious reasons, she said she knew the family well. In fact, Alice had moved to the US for a while and having had a marriage failure had returned to the UK and remarried. Alice was also in that very same town and had a successful local business. The contact was heading there next and thought it would be good if I tagged along. I did and although Alice did not recognise me at first, we did have a pleasant hour over a cup of tea talking about the stud farm and what we had done since. Papa had died, the farm was sold to developers and Claire had moved across country to the same town to be closer to Alice and her kids. Claire popped in on the way past, totally unannounced. Alice said "you must remember Valley don't you?" Claire said, "yes, I think so." Now that was the uncomfortable bit.

There is more to tell. Like the Christmas Day papa came into the stud farm with a loaded shotgun convinced someone local had been shagging his wife. Or the woman who lived in the lodge house next to the stud farm, who had the most insatiable appetite for delivery men.

This reads like bad erotic fiction, but in case it’s true…

You got ‘secretly engaged’ and got her pregnant, but then fucked her mother? Classy. Hmm

TimBoothseyes · 30/07/2022 14:32

HereWeAreAtTheEdgeOfTheWorld · 30/07/2022 14:23

This reads like bad erotic fiction, but in case it’s true…

You got ‘secretly engaged’ and got her pregnant, but then fucked her mother? Classy. Hmm

Yeah, I agree, less "secret confession" more like a "Razzle" submission.

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/07/2022 14:33

@Pleasecreateausername

This is really seriously anxiety and it is progressive. Can you give your GP a ring on Monday

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/07/2022 14:37

@ImsotiredImsotired

Oh no. Can you also ring your GP?! This level of anxiety does get worse if not treated.

BMW6 · 30/07/2022 14:44

I thought it was a Jilly Cooper book plot 🤔

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/07/2022 14:50

One of my first decent jobs out of college involved logging letters from the general public on a database and writing back to them. The were writing in with ideas, not complaints. It was utterly pointless. I had loads to do and wanted time to do things that would actually get me promoted, so just used to log a few, stuff the rest in bag a couple of times a week, and throw them into a bin near my house.

Reallenow · 30/07/2022 14:54

I would NEVER say this out loud and I do like the person involved but… you have two kids, a husband, a big house, friends and parents so why are you so bitter and twisted and hateful towards things? So many people have so much less and don’t feel so bitter

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