Secret Confessions thread 2

[ThePoorWeeDonkey]

I missed the boat on the first thread and really needed to get this off my chest. Apologies to original op.

I resent my dad for not dying instead of my mother. I absolutely adored her and now just feel negatively towards my father for being the one I'm left with. All of my other siblings/wider family adore him so I have never told anyone this irl, not even my DP.
I know it's disgusting but I'm hoping once my loss is not as fresh I will start to feel differently.

I have a morbid fascination with death and what happens to peoples bodies when they die.

Oh I like the sound of you and your teddies!

My secret shames are

Due to an error on an occupational health report my work have incorrectly added a mandated three days a week WFH element to my rota as a reasonable adjustment. This was put into practice just as my line manager changed so it was not questioned and the subsequent manager did not know any different.
I have never corrected the assumption. The OH team was outsourced just after, so I am unlikely to be discovered inadvertently.

I have a friend who I grew up with. We lived in the same street, our mums were in each other’s houses all the time. We went to school together and then off to uni together. We shared our first house together and then took a couple of years out and travelled the world with our partners. I adored her. We had such a wonderful bond and shared some life experiences that were utterly magical.

She was my best friend. We had a wonderful balanced, fulfilling and supportive friendship for several decades.

Due to some seriously poor life choices over the last ten years she has become so self-involved, petulant and so unremittingly negative that talking to her just sucks you dry. I am beginning to dislike her intensely. Which I wrestle with, as friends support friends when their mental health is poor. But increasingly, because she refuses to help herself or get help, I feel I am being held hostage by her choices.

I know I am not a true friend, but as she has absolutely no one else so I remain out of a sense of obligation and debt towards the friendship we used to have - then despise myself for my mental unkindness while we talk.

My attached neighbour has a long term serious illness. I feel bad as because of her illness she is very quiet and keeps to herself - therefore is the best neighbour I have ever had. I was selfishly upset when she put her house up for sale and was relieved when it fell through – even though I know it would be terrible for her. After having some horrible neighbours previously, and knowing how thin these walls are I just couldn’t help myself and still feel bad about it.

when my ex used to annoy me I'd serve him something he disliked for tea.

@Pleasecreateausername this is a form of OCD and it can be really debilitating. Mine is loads better since starting on sertraline - you need to speak to your GP.

I put the lottery on in the hope that if I win I can leave my husband . He is kind, caring and a great dad but I often imagine how much happier I would be on my own.

Am loving that your family join in with your fun.

I have two.

1. when my dad died I was devastated. And terrified. Terrified that there was no longer a “buffer” between me and my mum and that I’d bear the absolute brunt for the rest of her life. I did. Then she died and had indeed disinherited me and my poor dad would be turning in his grave.


2. I have been convinced since the day I had the positive pregnancy test that my youngest would die. Every day through my pregnancy I expected to miscarry and I am convinced that this anxiety resulted in the fact that he had to be born my emergency c-section. He’s now 15 months and every morning I am scared to go into his room in case he didn’t wake up 😢. That’s all connected with my first “secret” and how awful my mum was when I told her I was pregnant. She’s made me think I don’t deserve him and to be punished. I adore him and spend every moment I can snuggling with him (alongside my others; and even today whilst playing chess with his big brother). Totally irrational, my children are amazing and in perfect health… but my mum had such an impact that it triggered this fear.

When I was growing up me and my brother always used to make our teddies talk. My mum started to join in once we got a bit older, and I knew DP was the one when he embraced it too and didn't think I was too mad (well maybe a bit🤣🤣). My current favourite teddy is a wee red squirrel with a penchant for walnuts.

@Pleasecreateausername

your post resonated with me because I have similar feelings and thoughts to this often. I have to stop myself from spiralling.

i had thought that this was quite normal but the comments in response to you on this thread have made me think otherwise!

I think some people have such an easy ride in life. We're always told we don't know what goes on behind closed doors (and there's many posts on here to prove that) but some folk don't have to try that hard to get everything they want.

I'm sexually and romantically attracted to men but the older I get the more I resent them. The fact so many have people who love them unconditionally and put up with all their shit is so unfair. All meaningful interactions and experiences in my life have been with women but I only ever want them as friends.

I love mumsnet as it makes my life feel less tragic.

I binge eat chocolate and could eat bars of it all day long without getting sick of it. Chocolate brings me a lot of joy. I'd love to stop this but it's never taken seriously.

My parents and close friends mean so much to me. I love them but find it hard to express that. I feel so awkward telling people I love that I love them.

Up until very recently I only brushed my teeth in the morning. Probably because I usually go to bed with biscuits.

My friend has a massively over inflated opinion of herself and always aspires to be a yummy mummy. She’s never had to work as her children father pays so much maintenance but harps on and on about being a ‘lone parent’ even though her two children Dad is very active in their lives
She set up her own business offering a bespoke feng shui service as she’s ‘too educated and experienced to work for other people’. She charges a LOT of money for her service despite getting her ‘qualifications’ on a short course and mostly googling what to do for each place she visits (not that she’s had many customers) She’s always really sneery about me working and tells me ‘if you too work hard to set up a business you could be like me’ forgetting all of the support she’s had from wealthy family members
Anyway, someone asked on a local group about her services and she piped up and gave them her link etc. I’m ashamed to say I made up a pseudo fb account and pm’d the person to let her know that the feng shui ‘expert’ gets all of her ideas from a certain website and she can access it for free. The customer was super thankful
Anyway it was very childish of me but I couldn’t help myself

I have an intense dislike for an adopted sibling of mine (im in my 40s)

I give the tat that ILs buy for presents to the charity shop, and I’ve told my DDs to do the same. DH would be horrified at my “lack of gratitude” if he knew

My sisters boss was an awful bully. She quit the job and then sent dogshit in a company envelope through the post to him. She told another disgruntled colleague and said keep an eye out when the post came. She carefully watched for the post to arrive and watched him open an envelope , look puzzled, sniffed it and then hotfoot it to the toilet to throw up 🤣🤣

I am addicted to My 600-lb Life.
Morbidly obese people fascinate me.

I used to carry a small pot with some poisonous leaves in it in my handbag. I hated my boss at work and used to fantasize about making her a mug of herbal tea with it and killing her. I left due to stress which was probably a sensible move

I really really hope that my narcissistic relative who has offended, antagonized and upset the whole family at different times due to her spoiled, entitled and selfish behaviour gets caught out somehow. She is constantly trying to get in the papers and is all over social media and likes to portray herself as kind and giving, and sets great store by being popular. Her true self is someone who things nothing of stealing and lying, being totally self centred (like having a 90 minute phone call with someone who just got out of the hospital without once asking how they were) and going out of her way to say nasty things to people who cant do anything for her. I wish somehow other people would see her as she really is.

Whenever I watch it I get the munchies and figure it’s ok as I weigh 140lb

I talk to my Henry hoover while we're vacuuming, and if it's been a long session I always feel bad about shutting him back in the cupboard on his own and bring him in the living room to watch TV with me instead.

I also have stuffed animals to talk to, and they also like to watch TV

I have a vape with cannabis oil in it, and I enjoy getting mildly stoned after a crap day. I hadn't touched weed until a few months ago and was given the vape as a gift because I was having trouble sleeping.

I admitted on the last one to being a sex worker on and off for many years. Being paid in cash means I haven’t exactly paid my share of taxes on the money. Strange how people would judge me more on the former, which hurt no one, not the latter, which was detrimental to society. I have made some charity donations in recent years partly to make amends with my conscience.

Couldn’t quote from previous thread but I did clean the toilet with my then husband’s toothbrush. And no, I’ve never regretted it.

I've just woken my dog up roaring with laughter at this, and your name 🤣🤣🤣
Absolute belter lol

I hate every part of life. I regret having kids. I regret my kids having me as a mum. I regret who I had kids with and that i didn't walk away when i had the chance all those years ago. My family are narcissistic arseholes. I hate having to watch every penny just to make ends meet.

Everyday I dream of walking away from it all, never to return. When I'm in the car, i wish someone would hit me and end it all for me. I've planned out my suicide in detail but know I'd never do it to my kids. So I paint a smile on and pretend I'm living my best life and get through each day, praying I don't wake up tomorrow.